Page 26 of The Enduring Universe
Ahilya’s shame caught in her throat like a sharp bone. She could say nothing to refute him.
Basav had never seen Iravan as a man, only known him as anEcstatic, a monster, a rabid creature that had to be feared, controlled and eventually, put down. But as her eyes moved over the rest of the council, Chaiyya, Airav and Kiana averted their gazes too. Eskayra frowned as though unsure what to think, and Weira and Garima looked disturbed. All of them agreed with Basav’s estimation to some degree. She should have forsaken Iravan.
In her guilt and shame, she had seen all of their points of view, even agreed with them, but it hit her now how separate she and Iravan had always been. Why it had been fine for them to let her suffer alone with the weight of the cosmic creatures, and sacrifice Iravan. For all that she and her husband had been trying to save everyone, their own destruction had always been acceptable, because that was the easiest and the best solution.
Her mind spun, and she saw Iravan on one side, her on the other—except the image shifted and they stood together, the world opposing them. She did not know if this was her thought or another corruption of the Virohi. The cosmic creatures had been trapped by the vriksh, but they were still a part of her as much as she was of them. They had given too much of themselves to each other. Eskayra looked at her with concern, reaching over a hand, but Ahilya pulled away. The other woman flinched, hurt on her face.
Eskayra turned back to the councilors. “How long until we run out of resources?”
“We’re still assessing,” Kiana replied, shuffling some papers in front of her. “Sungineering is dead though, so it will take time to know the full effects of this.”
“Nothing we do will make a difference,” Basav said. “Only they can do something.” He gestured limply between Ahilya and toward the Garden, to where Iravan was.
Eskayra glanced at Ahilya, but her words were for the room. “If we tell him all this, will he help?”
“Will he?” Airav said skeptically. “He wants to destroy the Virohi, and an Ecstatic Architect’s capital desire cannot be changed this easily. You said it yourself—he hasn’t helped us though we are the last survivors of humanity. He wants to make amends but he wants to make it on his terms. I don’t believe that Iravan canbreatheanymore, unless it is in service to his capital desire. It controls him now, more than he knows.”
A wave of loneliness washed over Ahilya. She had never felt so far away and so close to her husband before. Wasn’t this exactly how she felt about the cosmic creatures, and why she couldn’t trust herself? “The Virohi aren’t a threat anymore,” she mumbled. “Attacking them now would be akin to attacking innocents.”
“They broke planets once. They are not blameless. The way you talk of them…” Basav turned away, disgust all over his face.
His revulsion poured off him in waves, and for an instant, Ahilya could see how abhorrent it was for him to work with her. That he had not defected to the Garden was a miracle—but then again, what was his choice? She and Iravan had taken it away from all these people. Either her folly or Iravan’s; either this perverted form of an ashram or the company of Ecstatics. Those were the only options left to humanity’s survivors.
She saw this realization on everyone’s faces in a way she had not seen before. No wonder they wished for new cities so desperately. Not just for humanity to endure, but for all of them to no longer be prisoner to two tyrants. It would be best for them if Iravan and Ahilya were dead, but that freedom was not theirs either.
Something within her broke at this realization. How terrible it must be to be trapped within someone else’s delusion. She sympathized with them. Shewasthem, caught in her mind and that of the Virohi. Was Basav wrong at all?
“Speak plainly,” she said softly, her gaze roving over the others.“You want me to extract the Virohi from the tree, don’t you? You want me to turn them over to him. Let him commit genocide, now when it is not necessary anymore. Is that it?”
“It would prove your allegiance,” Basav said softly, his eyes glittering in the candlelight. “And your sanity.”
None of the others refuted him, but Ahilya saw her desperation reflected in them. These were architects. They had grown up revering life and consciousness—all life and consciousness. In their hidden histories, architects had only stopped the Virohi from breaking the world. What Iravan was planning was beyond anything anyone had ever done.
Chaiyya trembled—she who had always been the healer, who despite her call to allow genocide of the creatures knew how wrong it was. Kiana’s mouth was pursed—the sungineer who had been the only one so long ago to question the ethics of draining a yaksha for its Ecstatic energy, when Nakshar stood on the brink of destruction.
But what place did ethics have when they were contemplating the end of everything? What place did morals? The two women avoided Ahilya’s eyes. Only Eskayra watched her impassively, and her voice echoed in Ahilya’s ears.Would it be so bad?
Abruptly, Ahilya stood up. She swayed on her feet, but her hands clutched the table. “If this is what the ashram needs,” she said tightly, “then I will speak with Iravan.”
Eskayra moved closer. “Now? Ahilya, you’re exhausted.”
“You heard what Basav said. We have no time. I’m going to the Garden.”
“Then I will come with you.”
“No.” Ahilya tried to make her voice gentle, but it cracked under the strain. “You heard Basav. This is between me and Iravan. It is not war he wants, nor destroying the Virohi. I know what he is after and I will give it to him.”
“And what is that, Ahilya-ve?” Airav asked warily.
The chamber swam in front of her eyes, the broken promises, the phantom emotions, the heartbreaking echo of Iravan’s voice, asking her to let him go.
Ahilya gritted her teeth.
“Erasure.”
17
IRAVAN
