Page 72 of The Legend of Meneka
Sadness pierces me, tinged with regret and slow horror. Of course.
“He is at the meadow, preparing,” I say. “Yetyouare here?”
“Yes,” Nanda says, speaking for the first time. “Whyareyou here?”
Anirudh throws her a cautious glance. She smiles, a charming, guileless grin, and I stiffen. The mortals do not know it, but there is rage in her smile, and the promise of retribution. I reach out a hand to still her, shaking my head subtly. These mortals are not her enemies, as much as I can understand her fury.
It is Kalyani who answers. “He told us who you are, Meneka. An apsara.”
I have been waiting for this, and I flinch out of expectation, but there is no heat or anger in her voice. Only curiosity. Still, I close my eyes. I imagine the conversation. Kaushika leaving me by the pond, walking away. Making his way to the hermitage, and to the meadow. Telling everyone who and what I am and how I was sent to seduce him. How I lay with him, loved him, lied to him.
“What did he say?” I whisper.
I open my eyes to see my mortal friends exchange a bewildered glance. “Just that,” Anirudh says. “That you are an apsara.”
“But you said I was betrayed by Indra …”
“It’s what he told us,” Romasha says softly. I tremble, remembering how she caught me and Kaushika in a compromising position mere nights ago. Kaushika was unashamed then. Have I shamed him now? “He said that by sending you to the hermitage, Indra betrayed your devotion in him. He said that about the other apsara who was sent for him too. We know what he did to her now, but it was not rage or revenge that made him curse her. Kaushika could have killed her had he wanted to. He just wanted to convince Indra to stop.”
“And I should feel grateful that he did not, should I?” Nanda answers coldly. “What a heroic figure he is, indeed. To be so kind as to simply curse me for ten thousand years instead of outright killing me.”
She makes a disgusted sound in her throat, her fingers sizzling with gold dust that is close to being unleashed. Romasha blanches, realizing finally that it was Nanda herself trapped in stone. I can see the question on her face, wondering how Nanda is free, but Romasha withdraws into herself and averts her gaze.
I say nothing, my mind whirling. Anger still courses through me at Kaushika’s dismissal of me, but what Romasha said about Indra betraying me is too true to deny. The lord has punished his own devotees before.Ihave been the harbinger of that punishment. Does this mean Kaushika has forgiven me? Or simply that he pities me?
“You still haven’t explained why you’re here,” Rambha says to the mortals.
“Neither have you,” Kalyani snaps. “Did Indra send you?”
“Please,” I say quietly, strained. There is no love lost between the mortals and celestials, especially after the damage Amaravati has undoubtedly already suffered and the events in Thumri and with the halahala. But I cannot have these people fight now, not when war itself looms between our realms. I give my friends from the hermitage a desperate glance, and Kalyani throws up her hands like it’s the most obvious answer in the world.
“Why do you think, Meneka?” she says, exasperated. “We came here because we care about you. We were worried!”
“But I am an apsara. Mortals despise my kind. I—I deceived you.”
“Did you?” she says, shrugging. “I think you were completely yourself when you were with us. Even if we didn’t know you were a celestial. Your defense of Indra, for one thing … It should have tipped your hand, but of course, you could do rune magic. We didn’t think it could be so.”
“Howcanyou do rune magic?” Parasara asks, leaning forward. “As an immortal, it should not be possible.”
I shake my head. I owe them an explanation, but it is not safe to share with anyone yet. I always wondered if the wild prana was my own, unlocked by my own tapasya. I never considered thatAmaravati’spower had been my own too. Even though Indra cut me off from both of those, he could not deny me what is mine. He has been hoarding the city’s magic, having us believe it is him we rely on. He has been keeping wild prana hostage, too, from all the celestials, likely for millennia. He must have considered me a threat from the time Rambha reported my rune-making to him; perhaps he sought to cut me off from both the magics, even then. If I shared the return of my magic, it would create a riot, swarga itself falling apart even as the Vajrayudh approaches. I cannot let such dangerous information out, not even to my friends, not when it can destroy my city. So even though my actions inevitably protect Indra’s secret, I hold the explanation within.
“Power is power,” I say simply, a line I have heard often enough at the hermitage. “When the rune magic came to me, it surprised me too. I did not mean to deceive you.”
Parasara’s forehead crinkles. I wonder if even that hint is enough for him; he has always been the wisest when it comes to understanding how magic works.
“It should not have been possible,” Anirudh says, nodding, “though you have always been strong in magic. Yet we have magic too, Meneka. You would never have found yogis easy prey. Kalyani is right—we believe you showed us as much of yourself as you could, no matter the mission you were sent on. Kaushika left you in the forest, never to return to the hermitage, but Kalyani fought with him over it, censuring him for his callous actions—that he could simply abandon you even though he acknowledges it was Indra who betrayed you. Itwas because of her that we are here, for no matter what he thinks,weagree that Kaushika behaved thoughtlessly. What kind of friends would we be to him—toyou—if we let you both drift away when we can see how you empower each other? We have been searching for days, but we have not been able to track you. We thought you returned to Amaravati, but when we sensed the magic here …” He shrugs. “We are here. We found you. You are not alone.”
I am so taken aback by this little speech that tears flood my eyes. They argued with Kaushika for me. They came to find me, despite his power and hold over them. Despite the beliefs they shared with him and their loyalty to him. Despite the fact that I am a celestial who lied to them about who I was.
Kaushika may have forsaken me, but my friends did not.
I turn to Kalyani and she smiles at me, and there is such love and loyalty and understanding in her look that tears finally trickle down my cheeks. She shakes her head and envelops me in her arms, and I utter a half laugh and cling to her, desperately relieved that she is here, that she is all right, and she has not abandoned me.
“I thought you were going to die,” I whisper, and my shoulders shake with all the terror I have held on to since her poisoning. “I thought—I thought—”
“Shh,” she says softly, and her own voice shudders. “I am fine, my friend. I owe you more than my life, yet that is not why I am here. Oh, Meneka. No matter who you pretended to be, I cannot hold it against you. You taught me so much. Before you, I questioned little of what my teachers would tell me to do, but you taught me to be brave, to stand up for what I believe to be right. And in this quarrel between you and Kaushika,youare right. That is why I am here.”
I can say nothing to that. I only hug her tighter.
