Page 32 of The Legend of Meneka
I bite into my rice cake, surprised to find it still warm. It is stuffed with finely chopped vegetables with a sweet, creamy sauce that bursts in my mouth. This was made hours ago, before we left the hermitage. By rights, it should not be this fresh. Preserved through magic, of course. It is a passing thought, though no less informative for it. Yogis use their magic for significant matters, knowing it can deplete them. They do not waste it on ensuring food remains tasty; food must nourish, that is all. It is the way of the hermitage. That Romasha should make this concession for the rest of us, using her magic this way to keep the food warm, to keep us comforted, while knowing that she would need her tapasya for healing … She, Anirudh, and Kaushika anticipated many of the choices the others and I made today. They know far more than they have told us. They always have.
I study the three of them now, their heads bent together, theirmurmurs quiet. A tendril of hair slips free from Romasha’s topknot and she tucks it behind her ear impatiently. Kaushika is deep in conversation with her and Anirudh, and I wonder again if hers is the kind of beauty he prefers. Quiet, unassuming, stealthy, it is so different compared to an apsara’s exquisiteness, but powerful nonetheless. I think of my fingers touching his hand instead of Romasha’s when she passes him a rice cake. I think of their closeness and the secrets they share, thetrustthat exists in such an unspoken way.It is this trust I need from him.
The last few hours rush through me in a blur. I am still forming the words to ask the right questions when Kalyani leans forward.
“Indra needs to pay for this,” she says, her voice hard.
The murmuring stops. Eka and Parasara scramble up from their bedrolls to look at Kalyani. Kaushika does not move, but Anirudh and Romasha exchange a glance. I try to keep my expression neutral, but I cannot help sitting up as well.
“How could he do this to his own devotees?” Kalyani continues, and her eyes blaze in anger. “He is supposed to be the lord of heaven, but all he cares for is to get drunk on soma and be a nuisance for the mortal realm. He meddles in our affairs, his every act only for his own gain. This senseless punishment, these years of callousviolence. How many deaths did we see today that could have been prevented?”
Eka nods, her expression grave. “The celestials are powerful and manipulative, and mortals are but pawns in their games. Yet the celestials don’t understand true power. Or Shiva would not scorn the devas.”
“It’s because of Indra,” Parasara adds, his voice somber. “Heaven is meant to be pure. A reward for mortals after a life well lived. But Indra has corrupted it with his hedonistic pursuits. He is a tyrant. He has always been.”
“They know nothing about true enlightenment,” Kalyani spits out.“None of the devas do—whether they control wind or fire or storm. None of the celestials.” She makes a disgusted sound in her throat, her face drawing into a scowl.
My heart sinks. I knew Kaushika was swaying others from Indra, but these awful words from people I began foolishly thinking of as friends pierce my heart like thorns. I have not been as successful in my influence at the hermitage as I thought.
I blurt my words out, uncaring of what I am giving away of myself. “The celestials are not all bad. Music comes from the devas, as does dance. The arts, even the magic we do—all of it has roots and foundations in swarga.”
“Does one good erase all bad ones?” Kalyani challenges me. She must surely see the shock on my face, to be confronted byher, the one person I thought of as a friend, but still she continues, consumed by her own anger. “How much damage has Indra already wrought?” she asks. “How many people have suffered? He does not even respect his own devas—forget respecting mortals. He crushed the chariot of the dawn goddess Ushas, so that dawn itself was delayed for years in the mortal realm. He pursued Sage Agastya’s wife, knowing she could not bed him, all because he enjoyed the chase. Indra has been interfering in the affairs of every realm, and look what has happened to Thumri. His inaction—his abdication of his responsibility—Meneka, do you not remember their wasted faces?”
A sharp ache spreads through my chest at her words. How foolish I have been to begin trusting these people. We cannot be friends. We never were.
I turn to Kaushika. “Youprayedto Indra. I heard you. He listened, did he not?”
Kaushika studies me. He has been silent through the yogis’ anger, and from his expression it does not look like he intends to answer me, but I refuse to back down.
“I recognized your chant,” I go on, chin lifted. “That is why it rained in Thumri, is it not?”
Kaushika watches me like he is seeing into my depths. Slowly, he nods.
“Then do you think Indra is a tyrant too? That he is evil?” I insist.
“Doyou?” he asks softly. “After what you saw?”
I frown. He is dissembling. My thoughts on Indra are not what we are discussing here. Still, if that is what will get him to admit his own rancor, I will play the game.
My gaze takes in the other mortals. “In my country, Indra is revered. He brings rain to relieve us. He protects our soldiers. We are told he is the slayer of a hundred asura demons, and his power keeps them within the hell of naraka, unable to run amok in the three realms.”
“That’s what you have been taught,” Kaushika says. “But what do you think? For yourself?”
My frown deepens at his words. The lord glitters in my mind as I saw him last, magnificent on his throne, gloriously powerful. I see him lift me to my feet, his smile benign as he sends me on this suicide mission—yet now his smile changes in my memory, its edges sly, the light of his magic obscuring the hidden pits of darkness in his soul, mesmerizing me so I cannot think clearly. I think of the lordseducingme. Indra darkens in my memory, trapping me with my own devotion and naïveté.
I stare at Kaushika. Anger floods through me at his presumption, at his honesty. These are tricks. Kaushika wants something, just like my other mortal marks.Reveal your lust, I command, not a whispered persuasion, but a hurled weapon intent on one destination. To cleave through his lies and see the shape of his desire. To seehowhe wants power over me, a vision that will reveal to me his true nature.
The command locks on him without resistance from his shield thistime. By piercing it once, I have pierced it forever. I barely register this, because my throat catches. For I see not a vision ofhispower but my own. I see myself naked on the grass, my hands buried in Kaushika’s hair. His fingers part my thighs, and his breath is a whisper on the delicate skin just there.Tell me what you like, Meneka, he says.Command me. I am yours.
There, I reply, breathy.Kiss me there. Lick me softly.
The sound in my throat becomes a whimper, an echo of the sound the Meneka in the vision makes.
I dispel the vision, but my heart hammers in my chest, so loud I am afraid the mortals can hear me. Confusion rocks me. Kaushika sits there, fully in his mind, yet displaying a vision of seduction only a thrall should display. How can this be? What is happening to me? What has hedone?
Suddenly, I cannot stand to be around him any longer. How dare he make me doubt myself in this way? How dare he make me question my devotion to my lord and my own magic? It’s true I have my problems with Indra—every daughter has issues with her father, and though Indra is not truly my sire, he is the closest I have ever had to one. Indra, for all his faults, has kept me anchored to Amaravati. Knowing that my missions protect the lord and our city is the only way I can endure them. It is he who gives me my magic, and believing in my magic is the only way I have survived this long in the mortal realm. Kaushika is deliberately planting sedition in my head.
Rambha’s voice echoes in my mind.He is cunning and devious.Now I can see just how devious he is, if with a few words he has made me question everything I know. The ride back from Shiva’s temple circles me. How easily he made me forget Indra as I performed mortal magic. Maybe that demonstration of wild prana was a trick too, placed there by Kaushika so my tether to Amaravati would weaken. He is maneuvering me just like he did my sisters. Howdarehe?
