Page 26 of The Legend of Meneka
“One lesson,” Kaushika agrees softly. With his other hand, he gestures to his horse, pawing the grass outside. Air shimmers, rain disassembling over the barrier he conjures. “Let’s see how much you can learn from here to the hermitage.”
CHAPTER 11
My body is on fire.
The heat pours from him as he sits behind me on the horse. Above, rain splatters but does not strike us because of his transparent protection. I am alone with the sage, Lord Indra himself removed from witnessing this. Desperately, I hold on to my mission, telling myself that this is my one and only chance to break through his shield. But even as I think this, the images of Kaushika’s seduction form and die behind my eyes. I am reminded that I still know nothing about this man.
My muscles grow tense. I sit rigidly, trying to breathe. Behind me, Kaushika is still, too still. A chill clambers up my spine as I sense the hard shape of him. The way his legs press lightly against mine. The way his arms rest inches away from circling me. My hair is still undone, and he has not insisted I tie it back again. I imagine him towering over me now, his gaze lingering over my unbound tresses. I imagine him considering the words I said about Shiva and Shakti, about freedom and sex.
What is he thinking? Did I truly try to teachhimabout Shiva? Lecture him on the divinity of pleasure? I have given too much away. Shown him my true nature. He will know I am an apsara. He will act on it. This ride, this lesson, it is but a performance, one that undoubtedly trapped my sisters too.
Kaushika leans forward to take the reins in one hand. I inhale sharply as his breath tickles my skin. I glance down to his fingers curled around the rope. They are open in offering.
“Take the reins,” he says quietly.
My voice is raspy. “You want me to guide the horse to the hermitage?”
“I want you to take control.Iwill guide us back.”
His legs move against mine, his knees twitching. My body jerks involuntarily at his touch. Under us the horse begins a slow trot. I remember suddenly Kaushika was once a prince. He has no need of the reins. He has been on horseback since he could walk.
“If you are leading us back, then why am I holding this?” I ask.
I can hear his smile. “Because you need to learn trust in yourself, and this will give you the illusion of that trust until you truly find it.”
My heart thuds.Theillusionof trust.He is playing with me. Surely, he knows.
“Maybe we should walk?” I suggest hoarsely.
“Why? Does the horse make you uncomfortable?”
You do, I think. My throat is dry. Suddenly, I cannot tell who is the seducer and who the mark.
“No,” I reply. “But I think you are trying to trick me.”
“I am trying to teach you. That is what you wanted. Here, I will even give you a token of my sincerity. Something I carved myself.” His body shifts, and I turn in my place to see him detach his own topknot and remove a comb. I am too arrested by his hair rippling to his shoulders, framing his chiseled face, to fully notice that he is holding the comb out to me.
When I take the ornament, my eyes widen. Shaped like a wooden crescent, it pulses gently with mortal magic. It is almost as powerful as some of the jewels from heaven. How could a mortal create something this potent? How many chants and hours did it take to consecrate this amulet? I pick it up gingerly, and a blaze of power rushes through me. Lights shine behind my eyes, a ringing in my ears, and for the first time I see beyond my breath into an energy pulsing through my body. Prana.
I gasp, and though the blaze subsides, the power still courses through me. Amaravati still connects to this prana, feeding it through the tether behind my navel. Yet I detect another path into the power too. An opening into the world inside me, instead of the one beyond.
I straighten, pulling back from Kaushika. My heart skitters in my throat. I totter on the precipice of something terrible, something beautiful.
“Do you remember what I said about prana?” Kaushika asks.
“A conversation with myself,” I whisper.
“Yes.” He leans forward and his cheek brushes against mine. His breath washes across my skin. “Close your eyes. Focus on yourself. The will to know who you are. The knowledge to accept it when you see it. The action to transcend what you see and unite it with the greater whole.”
“Where do you go when you leave the hermitage?” I blurt out. I would hear it from his lips. The admission that he hates Indra, one that will allow me to probe him further, and force me back to my senses right now.
His voice is impatience sheathed in a whisper. “I might tell you if you end up staying beyond the next few hours. Now, do not make me repeat myself.”
His fingers gently nudge my lower back. I hold myself utterly still. Slowly, I close my eyes, clutching his comb with both hands. I forget that I must find the shape of his seduction. I forget this could be my last chance. Instead, I am mesmerized by what I saw inside of me when I clutched the amulet.
“Breathe,” he instructs. “Follow your breath. Hold your prana with your mind.”
I know this exercise. I have practiced it with Anirudh and Kalyani. Unlike those times, when I only saw the one single tether leading from swarga into my prana, this time I see—
