Page 46 of The Legend of Meneka
Kaushika laughs. “Iamafraid of you, but not for the reasons you think. Undoubtedly, there are other more pleasurable things we can both do besides sleep, but I would suggest we get some rest. Bright and early for the Mahasabha, Meneka, I expect you to be on time.”
“You are so insistent on taking me. What if I fluster you?”
“You will fluster me even if I do not bring you. This way, I will have you in sight, right next to me. When we travel as a group, you will be but another obedient disciple.”
The word makes me arch an eyebrow. “Obedience,” I murmur, walking my fingers up his chest. “You enjoy giving commands. The thing is, Sage Kaushika, so do I.”
A surprised breath huffs out of him, and his eyes darken. “I would let you command me,” he whispers, leaning close. “I would let you teach me, rule me, ruin me. I would let you vanquish me, if that is what you wanted, Meneka. If you asked.”
My knees tremble. My teasing falters with his response. I shut my eyes and squeeze my legs together, my core aching in the memory of my pleasure. Kaushika smiles and gives me a light bow before turning away. I watch him leave, still shaking.
Camphor and rosewood light my dreams that night.
ITOSS AND TURN, RELIVING HIS WORDS. THE TASTE OF HIM ONmy lips, heat and power and hunger. The way my body reacted, so instinctively and naturally. I cannot lie still, and my hand moves to rest on my legs, fingers dancing, delicate, delicate. I snatch them back, and my cheeks warm, as I see Kaushika in my mind. The curve of his neck. His pulse under his skin. Jeweled beads of sweat on his dark chest.
In my dreams, Indra laughs behind us, as though I am succeeding at the task he set me, yet failing a greater, more important one. I run through the golden passageways of Amaravati’s heavenly palace, searching for answers, seeking to understand. I open doors to chambers, and behind each I find Kaushika, his smile merged with Tara’s longing, with Nirjar’s passion, with Ranjani’s innocence. Guilt and desire weave into each other, burning fingers through my body.
It is a relief when dawn streams in through my window. Outside, the storm has passed, and a pink sky blushes through gray clouds. I awaken to bathe and dress, and find a small package outside my door. Kaushika’s comb carefully wrapped within a kerchief, a sign as though to wash away the taste of my nightmares. I smile foolishly, my heart swelling.
I meet the others at the stables, arriving at the same time as Eka. Romasha and Parasara are already on their horses, and Anirudh hustles a protesting Eka onto the mare Kalyani rode to Thumri. I leap upon my own, too tired to speak, and Kaushika doesn’t say a word either, but I can tell that he has had a difficult night too. His mouth is brooding, and a line creases his forehead. When he sees me watching, he smiles and winks at me as though to reassure me that it has nothing to do with me.
I am not reassured. Kaushika has chosen us to accompany him, not because we are the strongest right now—depleted in our tapasya as we all are—but because he intends to speak about Indra’s cavalierattitude toward the mortal realm, and we are his witnesses from Thumri. He expects us to corroborate his words should the need arise; he eventoldme he expects me to be obedient. What will I say if the other sages ask me questions? Was his action last night to make me more docile? If so, he will be disappointed. I am no longer trying to bend the rules of my devotion to Indra for a greater plan. These arerishis. Each of them is a threat to Indra already through their sheer power. Each of them—though mortal—is so accomplished in their magic that they have already lived hundreds of years.
We ride in the same formation we rode to Thumri. This time our pace is a slow trot. Kaushika and Romasha take the lead, but Anirudh is next to me, with Eka on his other side.
“What is to happen at the Mahasabha?” I ask. “All I know is that we are to be presented.”
Anirudh makes a balancing motion with a hand. “There is not much else to tell. It is impossible to know how many rishis will arrive. It could be only one, or it could be fifty. The numbers do not matter. Whoever arrives, they represent the others. It is to our benefit if there is more than one sage, though. With a single one, we will know the others have made up their minds fully. The more there are, the more room there is to argue and convince them.”
Convince them of Indra’s villainy, I think, but I do not utter the words.
I give Anirudh a sidelong glance. “Last night … you saw me with Kaushika …”
He nods but doesn’t say anything.
“I … I don’t want you to think,” I stammer. “I—I mean, what is between us—”
“Is none of my business,” Anirudh completes softly. He reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Kaushika makes his own decisions. He is allowed to. As are you.”
“But will it affect the Mahasabha?” I whisper. “Could the other sages act against him? He seems not to care, but what if I have ruined everything for him?”
At that, Anirudh frowns. We ride alongside each other in silence for a time. I myself cannot tell how I want him to react. I cannot bring myself to agree with Kaushika that a confrontation with Lord Indra is the best move. But the halahala … everything in Thumri … Indra is not innocent either, and my own place in these events is too muddied to distill.
In the east, the pink flush of dawn gives way to a clear day. When Anirudh finally speaks, his voice is thoughtful. “The sages have no cause to question your relationship,” he says. “But they have known how devoted Kaushika has been before to the ascetic path. None of us here will tell them of it, if that is what worries you.”
“Not even Romasha?” I can’t help but ask. I see her ahead of us, the cold lines of her shoulders, the stiff manner in which she speaks to Kaushika. I think of the tears in her eyes and the sorrowful look on her face. Jilted lovers have done much worse than harm the ones they love.
But Anirudh shakes his head. “Romasha reveres Kaushika. She would never do anything to jeopardize his agenda. We won’t speak a word, Meneka, as it is not our business—but it does not mean that Kaushika himself will not tell them. He is an honest man. If he thinks they should know, he will not lie.”
“He would be a fool to say anything,” I murmur, but I cannot keep the fondness out of my voice even though nervousness grips me.
Anirudh utters a short laugh. “Oh, my friend, give him some credit. He is asage. Their questions will be to judge him, and whether he is truly fit for the status he has been granted. If they suspect your relationship, they will only want to understand how you both define it. He should have prepared you for it, but perhaps he was trying to protect you from worrying overmuch.”
Anxiety pools in my stomach. Kaushikawastrying to protect me, but how can he protect me from myself? I asked Kaushika for discretion about what we have done, but it was not just to guard his reputation, it was to shield my true identity too.
I am here pretending to be someone I am not, riding toward more danger than I have ever been in, but the extent of Kaushika’s powers is unknown to me, and the sages we are to meet are more accomplished in magics than I can know. Kaushika could not tell the difference between my immortal tether to Amaravati and my mortal tapasvin prana, but these others might not be limited in their vision. What will he do if one of the sages tells him who I am? What will the sages themselves do? My heart beats in tandem with the movement of the horses. I cannot help but feel I am riding toward my own execution.
A little ahead of us, Eka’s horse snorts and she utters a panicked squeak. Anirudh turns to her, instructing her how to ride properly. I remain silent the rest of the way. The path we take is the same as the one I took when I met Rambha, and it serves only to remind me of heaven. The way matters are occurring, I expect Kaushika to turn for the very same clifftop I met Rambha at, but fortunately he leads us deeper into the woods, our horses slowing to a walk until we reach a clearing.
