Page 45 of The Legend of Meneka
I whimper with the dual assault of his fingers and tongue. His mouth ravages me, even as his thumb finds that perfect spot. He moves his hand faster, and my hips grind against his touch. My thighs clamp around him, but he pushes them open again, stroking between my folds with the pad of his thumb. I struggle to touch him, but he has captured my fingers within his free hand, trapped between us, so that I cannot give him pleasure, but finally,finally, must take my own instead.
And then all thought flees from me as the apex of my pleasure comes hurtling toward me in showers of gold in my head. I cannot form a single coherent thought. I am reduced to that one sensation.
I cry out, an insensate sound that must surely echo in the night, but Kaushika is there, swallowing it before it escapes. I lose my grip on reality, squeezing his hips between my thighs, riding out my climax. His hands dig into the flesh of my bottom, pressing me to him, bringing us as close as we can be in this position with our clothes still covering us.
Kaushika’s mouth continues to stroke mine, his tongue deep with each frantic movement of my sudden climax. I hear his whispered breath, ragged and short, words of endearment in a haze of broken speech. My hands are clenched in his kurta, fists almost painful. Aftershocks of the pleasure still ricochet through me, and we remain entangled, feeling every twitch, every relaxation.
Slowly, my body grows limp. My fists loosen. I open my eyelids and find Kaushika watching me. A smile quirks his lips, half-satisfied, half-curious, the dimple peeking through. What did we just do? Does he regret it? DoI?
My hands keep smoothing the cloth on his chest uselessly. I try to pull away but find it impossible to. “You are not bad for a sage,” I say ridiculously.
“I was once a prince,” he replies, laughing, just as ridiculous an answer. His mouth moves against mine softly, nipping at my lips, kissing my cheeks, brushing over my eyelids. It is like the softest petals, intoxicating and sweet. Heat churns in my belly, and it costs me everything to pull myself back, to make him stop.
Kaushika does not insist. He cocks his head, waiting. I want to say something, but all I can do is tremble, goose bumps erupting on my flesh. Kaushika pulls me into his warmth, tucking me closer in a tight embrace. I drop my head on his chest, letting myself be comforted by this man I am sworn to destroy.
CHAPTER 18
Eventually we unentangle.
I am suddenly aware of everything, the thunder rolling across the sky, the lightning in the far distance, the hymns radiating across the hermitage, and the disturbance in the air from the wards. I try to extract myself from him, but my movements are too clumsy in the satisfied luxury of my orgasm and the growing nervousness with the man who gave it to me.
Kaushika helps me stand. I step away, embarrassed, but he moves forward, closing the distance between us, tying the drawstrings of my trousers together, settling my kurta, straightening the collar. His fingers tingle on my collarbones. He combs my hair out with his hand, feeling the lush weight of it, before he coils the dark mass up into an expert topknot.
Cautiously, I glance at him, searching for signs of shame on his face. But he simply adjusts his own clothes swiftly and offers me his hand. The same smile from before plays on his face, this time flooded with warmth and satisfaction, and sudden contentment blossoms in my heart. I cannot help but embrace its comfort; the feeling is so unusual. I know I must question this, the act of what we have done, of whatIhave, but for now, it is enough that Kaushika strides next to me more in control of himself than I am of myself. It is enough that he is leading us, and we indulged ourselves in a moment that has plagued both our fantasies for so long.
We walk through the hermitage silently. The hour is late, and I expect most disciples to have retired to their huts, but although lampsflicker at many windows, several yogis still linger within the courtyard and the pavilion, their magic sharp and sparking ready at their fingertips. Several march toward the forest, and I remember Kaushika mentioning patrols. Others are chanting softly, and magic warps the air as wards are strengthened. Durvishi sees me and Kaushika, her eyes traveling to our clasped hands. She giggles and nudges Jaahnav, who utters a loud laugh, which makes Anirudh and Romasha turn.
Anirudh’s jaw drops open. I feel my cheeks burn. I told him about a lover I left behind to come to the hermitage. What must he think of me now? Will he tell Kaushika what I said then? As for the lover I mentioned—Rambha herself told me to do this. Her instruction is not why I indulged—no, the moment of intimacy that Kaushika and I shared was pure. But I know I will have to reckon with my tangled love for her regardless.
My gaze travels to Romasha, who stands next to Anirudh. Her eyes are wide, reflecting the moonlight, and even from this distance I see the tears sparkling in them. A look of sorrow and betrayal crosses her face before she stills herself. She abruptly turns away, and the pleasure from my climax recedes in reaction. I have seen that look before. It lingers on the faces of my marks’ lovers when I am deep in my seduction. I once suspected Kaushika of being infatuated with Romasha, but the truth is thatshecares forhimdespite her own path of asceticism. Perhaps one day he would have learned to reciprocate her feelings. Have I taken that possibility away from the two of them unintentionally?
I lower my eyes. This one quenching of my lust has already hurt people.
“Perhaps we should be more discreet,” I murmur, edging my hand away from Kaushika.
His grip tightens, his fingers interlacing with mine. He glances at me, curious. “Do you regret it?”
I shake my head. I don’t know enough yet to distill my feelings.
“I don’t say it for me,” I evade, “but for you. You lead this hermitage. You have taught them about asceticism.”
“I don’t indulge in senseless shame, Meneka. If they have a problem, they will speak with me. Besides, my choices reflect my own understanding of asceticism better, something you yourself have taught all of us.” His glance falls over the assembled disciples, some of whom are still smiling, and he sighs. “Let them question me if they will. I will answer in honesty. I have nothing to hide.”
“Not even from the sages at the Mahasabha? What if they should find out, bound by tradition as they are?”
Kaushika’s shoulders move in dismissal. “Some of them are married. Not all of them have claimed the path of asceticism I have, and even if they did, what I do with my body is not their affair. They understand the path of Shiva, of duality and love and surrender more than I do.”
I let my other objections subside. If he does not care about what the sages or the yogis think, why should I? I was sent here from heaven to do precisely this—weaken Kaushika and make him more pliable to me. I am close to my freedom, already making my lord proud; even if I had not meant for this happen for the mission, I am giving Indra what he wants without truly trying. I should take joy in that. Yet all I feel is heartbreak.
Kaushika stops at the entrance of the shed where my quarters are. Kalyani’s absence is conspicuous in the darkness within the shed. I can almost see the both of us chatting into the night as she attempts to teach me to connect with my prana, as we speak of her own magic and how she can use love for it. Even in those conversations, my mission had been at the forefront of my mind, but now? I see myself entering this very shed on the first night, trailing Kaushika, wondering about the shape of his seduction. I feel older, and it is the taste ofhislips that linger on mine instead of Rambha’s.
My hand grips his in panic, indecision whirling in me about how to proceed. So much has changed, and yet nothing at all. My allegiances, my very identity, flutter within me as if caught in a fisherman’s net. Kaushika looks at me quizzically, and I school my features and utter a half laugh. I release his hand.
“After all that, and I must still stay alone in this little room,” I say lightly, trying to distract the both of us.
A smile lifts his lips. “I would offer you my own bed, but even I cannot use it.”
“Are you sure that’s the reason?” I tease. “Maybe you are afraid of me.”
