Page 80 of The Surviving Sky
“Did you endanger Nakshar and its people with your trajection?” Laksiya called out.
The stars in the Moment shifted as the scenes within them changed.
The shame crept deeper in. Iravan started to hyperventilate. He saw Bharavi’s eyes widen a fraction in alarm before his own eyes closed.
In the Moment, a window opened within a star. He saw himself traject within the solar lab. Ahilya cried out at him, but he paid no heed, opening one hole in the floor after another. She begged him, trembling, and he heard her sayIravan, stop, please!He laughed cruelly, glorying in his power; he crushed Naila’s rudra bead, and the intoxicating control gratified him. In their escape from the jungle, he looked into Oam’s eyes, coldly, as he let go of the boy.
Iravan whimpered in the veristem garden, lifting his arms above his head in protection. The memories battered him, pounding him wherever he looked. There was no way out. “Ididn’t…”he gasped. “I’msorry…I shouldhave…”
“He’s spiraling.” Bharavi’s urgent voice washed over him. “Move to the next question.”
“Can’t—”Laksiya’s voice. “—a wave!”
The scene in the star changed, and he watched himself become a Senior Architect; in the acceptance of his rudra beads he detected greed and hunger. Iravan fled within the pocket Moment, but there was no place to flee. Each star showed his own excuses, his self-deceptions, his brutalities. The light attacked him, laying him naked, and he couldn’t avert his gaze. This is who he was. This is who he had been.
“Memories—morphing—losehim—”
“Rideout—hasn’tconfronted—”
Iravan fell to his knees. Again and again he saw himself crush Naila’s bead and let go of Oam. Ahilya begged him, tears down her face, to stop, but he reveled in her terror, her fear the sweetest aphrodisiac. He saw himself in the library with the spiralweed, and he reached for the rudra beads too late. He walked away from Ahilya in anger because she had been right; after all his machinations, all his deflections, he was a ruthless beast, a power-hungry, petty little man with pretensions of grandeur.
“Stop,” Iravan moaned. “Pleasestop…I’msorry…I’m sorry.”
Laksiya’s voice cracked like a whip. “Iravan, did you endanger Nakshar?”
“Idon’t…I don’tknow…”
Tears fell from his closed eyes as he knelt in the veristem garden, spiraling deeper into despair. Ahilya looked at him accusingly and cried,You killed Oam! If you had only stayed at the watchpost!The deathbox pressed into his pocket, and he saw how he hadn’t reached for his rudra beads, deliberately too late. Naila came to him, speaking of how architects were better, and deep inside him he knew he agreed. Oam screamed, just a child, and Ahilya said,Please, Iravan, I had a duty of care, and he replied,No, Idid. He had failed. It was his fault. All his fault.
“I’m sorry,” he wept. “I’m so sorry.”
“Answer the question, Iravan! Did you endanger Nakshar with your trajection?”
“Yes,” he cried. “I did, rages help me.”
He heard a collective gasp around the garden. Iravan opened his blurry eyes, and everything had turned white around him again.
“Another lie,” Airav breathed.
“He didn’t endanger the ashram,” Laksiya said, sounding stunned. “Condition passed.”
Iravan turned his head. Airav looked shaken but relieved. Chaiyya had tears streaming down her face.
“That’s enough,” Bharavi said. “That’s enough, Laksiya. He’s passed the second question. All conditions must fail for an architect to be declared Ecstatic.”
“No,” Laksiya snapped. “We need better evidence. We are deciding whether to let him walk free or to excise him. Neither of those can be taken lightly. We continue.”
“This is torture!”
“It’s a test, and we have his consent. I pity him too, as I do all of us witnessing this, but he’s wavering. If we don’t continue, we’ll be doing this again in a couple of weeks. Is that what you want?”
Bharavi cursed as Laksiya’s voice called out again.
“Iravan. Do your material bonds tether you to your consciousness?”
I love Ahilya, he thought desperately.It has to be true. Rages help me, it has to.
For the third time the stars in the Moment changed.
