Page 112 of The Surviving Sky
He touched the Resonance.
His vision split in the manner oftrajection—no,it enhanced. He saw himself sitting there, alone on the bench underneath the neem tree, and above him the sky moved, the sun descending into the night sky into the morning sun into the night sky. Time trickled around him, one drop into another, one state becoming another, but he was eternal. He heard the grass grow, theshrrrkksharpness of the sound, a part of the melody he heard. He saw the dew collect, the pool of water reflecting his own infinite states of being.
And in what had once been his second vision, he saw himself in the blackness of the non-Moment.
The darkness was no longer terrifying. It was a welcome oblivion, as though by acknowledging it,hehad brought in the light. Iravan wandered in the folds of the familiar dark, his belly dropping like he was suspended in a vacuum. The blackness stretched infinite in all directions, but what was direction? There was no conception of time and space in this dimension, thisDeepness. Hethought, and the Moment appeared in front of him, a globule of lights like a dewdrop that had trapped all the stars.
Above him, the sun set and rose many times.
The song of the Resonance echoed within his heart.
And Ahilya burst through his mind, her smile faltering as he told her he was going away, as he promised he would return.
Iravan wrenched himself out of the Deepness abruptly.
He was still sitting on the bench under the neem tree, but dusk had fallen. How many dusks? How long? The two paths opened in his mind again; he stood at the fork. He had taken a step down the second path, but he still had a choice. He knew there would come a time when the fork disappeared, when choosing a path would be irrevocable, a decision he couldn’t undo.
Iravan jumped up, panic racing through him, and ran along Nakshar, through the winding streets and the muddy paths until he reached Ahilya’s home. He didn’t knock; he banged on the wall with his fist. Leaves trembled on the ivy, sending echoes of his panic inside the structure. The bark split open. Iravan hurried in to see Ahilya sitting at the table, several notebooks spread out in front of her, a finger just releasing her citizen ring.
“What happened?” she asked, pushing back her chair.
“How long was I gone?”
“A fewhours—sincethis morning. Why, what do you mean?”
Iravan covered his face with a trembling hand and stumbled toward the table. A few hours. That was all. A part of him knew the horror in the relief hefelt—hehad disappeared fora few hours, and hadn’t known, but it could have been worse, it could have been much worse. He had pulled himself out because of a fleeting memory of a promise. What if he had ignored it? How long would he have lost himself in the Resonance? Was that what lay on the other path? Not clarity but a deeper loss ofhimself?
He stood hunched over the table, his fists on the wood, deep breaths shaking his body.
“Iravan, what happened?” Ahilya asked, standing up.
“Did—didanything—IsNakshar all right? There wasn’t another Ecstatic attack like Bharavi’s, w-was there?”
“No, of course not. Why are you asking that?”
Iravan shook his head, unable to answer. In a way, the connection with the Resonance had been similar to the merging of his Two Visions except, somehow,freer. Instead of losing his visions, his sight had opened to more dimensions, seen a truer version of reality. Was he losing his mind?Sooner or later, you’ll give in, Bharavi said.And let’s faceit—youand Ahilya. You and Ahilya—He pushed away from the table. Ahilya had approached him, her beautiful eyes clouded with concern, her hand retracting like she had thought to touch him but had been unsure of it.
Iravan grabbed her wrist before she could pull away completely.
“What do you want, Ahilya?” he said angrily, reeling from everything that had happened.
Her eyes went wide, startled. “I want you to be happy. I wantusto be happy. I want you to kiss me.”
Surprise lanced through Iravan, shaking him out of the memory of the Resonance. Of those three demands, he chose the one hecouldfulfill. He pulled her closer, bent his head, and brushed his lips against hers.
Her breathing was shallow, and she pressed her mouth to his, her arms coming up to encircle his waist. Iravan cradled her face, deepening his kiss before he knew what he was doing. His teeth grazed over her lips, and he bit her, softly first, then harder. Ahilya moaned deep in her throat, her hands running through his hair, and for a moment, Iravan forgot everything else. All of his rage and confusion and fear poured out of him; he lifted her up, her body pressed against his, her legs wrapped around his waist, and he kissed her hungrily.
Gasping, Ahilya pulled away. She stared at him, her eyes wide.
“I—”Iravan began, starting to release her.“Ahilya—I’m—”
She leaned forward and kissed him again. Iravan hitched her higher and backed up toward the corner where her bed was. He waved a hand to widen the bed and stumbled into it, abruptly sitting on it. Her legs were still wrapped around him; she tugged at his kurta, and Iravan yanked it off, over his head. She pulled hers off too, shucking off her trousers, undoing the drawstring around his, removing both of their clothes. Then she was pushing him back on the bed and straddling him.
“Ahilya,” he growled, the heat gathering in him.
“No,” she said. “Don’t speak.”
Her hands fluttered over his chest, reaching lower. She leaned down to kiss him again, and her hair tickled his neck. His hands cupped her lush curves, and he squeezed. Ahilya gasped again, and she pulled him into her, and she felt soright, so familiar, like the sweetest nectar, that Iravan groaned, his breathing ragged; the both of them moved faster, holding on to each other, and Ahilya’s grip in his hair was almost painful as she rode him and he moved deeper. Iravan spasmed and shuddered and she didtoo—
