Page 110 of The Surviving Sky
Her heart hammered in her throat. Tentatively, Ahilya brushed her fingers against his cheek. He leaned into her touch, closing his eyes as though in pain.
“Do you want to stay here tonight?” she whispered, the words which had been circling her, which she had been too afraid to voice so far.
Iravan opened his eyes. He studied her face.
Then his mouth quirked into a half-smile. “Yes,” he said. “Yes, I would like that very much.”
36
IRAVAN
His own response took him aback. Ahilya uttered a small, incredulous laugh. She smiled and looked so pleased, sobeautiful, that for a moment, guilt weighed his heart down at how much he had hurt her. Iravan pressed the back of his head in a sheepish gesture and grinned back.
“I—uh—”He shrugged awkwardly. “I should tell the other councilors what we discussed.”
Ahilya didn’t say anything, but her smile faltered.
Iravan reached his hands down to press her shoulders. “I’ll be back. I promise.”
She nodded, her big eyes staring into his. Iravan let go. Waving limply at her, he approached the wall and exited her home. The bark closed behind him, but instead of walking away, Iravan leaned back against the wall. He thunked his head against the bark and closed his eyes.
Her home had changed. He had noticed that instantly on walking in. Was it his home at all anymore? The ashram had removed his presence from the architecture, even if Iravan himself wasn’t sure of how he felt.What am I doing?he thought, and Bharavi’s voice echoed in his head.Don’t you love her anymore?Did he?
Standing outside in the open air, his head still supported by the leafy wall of Ahilya’s home, Iravan searched his heart for the answer. Less than two days before, he had come to Ahilya, begging her to take him back, tosavehim, but after their last fight, he had thought he had made his final decision. He had told her about the sanctum not to change her mind but to make a clean break, cement his last goodbye.
The Resonance danced between his brows, a fiery presence, tempting him to connect with it. Yet in front ofit—aheadof the deep, unending presence of theResonance—flickeredAhilya, smiling at him. He could almost forget about the Resonance if he focused on her.
I love her, he thought.I love her so much.
How could he not? She was Ahilya. She was the beacon of everything that was right and true with him; she had always been his guiding star, and when he had lost sight ofher—thatwas when he had lost himself. He belonged, in so many defining ways, toher. A fight didn’t change that. Nothing would change that.
And yet the Resonance burned in his mind like a candleflame. He was afraid to look at it closely. Bharavi had said it was a sign of Ecstasy. She had been right, of course; he could see that now. He had been in danger of Ecstasy since he’d stumbled into the Resonance during Nakshar’s landing. She had said he would fight it. Was this what she’d meant? This contest between choosing Ahilya or choosing Ecstasy? He was too afraid to untangle that thought.
Iravan lifted his head off the wall and took a deep breath. He wound his way slowly down the path leading from Ahilya’s small house, but he didn’t make his way to the temple. Instead, he walked toward the solar lab.
The lab was busier than ever. Sungineers collected around their bio-nodes, chatting in agitated voices. Holograms floated along the floor, sometimes intersecting with each other, making any meaning illegible. Iravan found Dhruv on the main floor, speaking with the two others from the morning’s council meeting. He caught Dhruv’s eye, gestured with his head, and strolled away to a quiet window as the taller man trotted up to him.
“Well?” Dhruv asked. “Did you have an epiphany that couldn’t wait until our next meeting?”
“Not an epiphany,” Iravan replied. “But I do have something for you. A peace offering.”
He withdrew a small glass cube from his pocket. The tiny deathbox containing the lone spiralweed leaf sat on his hand, its contours smooth and unmarked. Dhruv stared at it, unmoving. The sungineer didn’t reach for it.
“Why?” he asked at last, his bespectacled eyes meeting Iravan’s.
“Because the battery is important. Because I think that’s the direction in which technology should develop. Because if the tracker is truly feeding off Ecstatic trajection, then it is dangerous.”
“You want the tracker in exchange for this, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
Still, the sungineer didn’t take the deathbox. Dhruv removed his glasses, wiped them on the edge of his sleeve, then returned them to his nose.
Iravan waited. He knew speaking now would be a mistake. He counted the seconds, willing himself not to move.
Finally, Dhruv sighed. He withdrew a necklace from his pocket. On its end dangled the chunky tracker that Iravan had seen Ahilya carry during the expedition. “Take it,” Dhruv said wearily. “This is likely to be more trouble than it’s worth.”
The two exchanged the devices. Iravan hefted the locket in his hand. “How can I tell if it’s recharging?” he asked.
