Page 92 of Lovely War
Ben sits up and exhales a jagged breath, red eyes blinking rapidly. I watch him try to gather himself to speak, but he’s not doing so hot.
I offer a weak smile. “On the bright side, you can never again accuse me of being a bandwagon fan.”
He ignores the joke. It’s probably time to retire it for good.
“I didn’t know,” he says. “How could I not have known?”
I shrug. “You couldn’t have.”
“Shouldn’t I have been able to tell something wasn’t right? I spent all that time with him, I worshipped him. Shouldn’t there have been signs?”
“It’s not like he walked around wearing a pin that said ‘Serial Sexual Harasser.’ He fooled a lot of people for manyyears,” I say. Well, not everyone. Lily told me there have been rumors on certain message boards for some time, but it wasn’t until a woman at Arizona Tech approached her that she had enough for a story.
I had a fleeting suspicion my first day back. What did Verona say when I accidentally recorded his conversation with Ben and Lufton? Something about Coach Thomas:At least he’s not a sexual predator.
Both our phones light up. My missed calls and texts have doubled since I last checked, and Coach Williams’s name appears on Ben’s screen. He glances down but ignores it.
“What was it like for you, after you left?”
I have to wipe my eyes before I answer. Now we’re both crying. “I went numb for a while. Then Oliver moved to Boston, and I thought, well, our relationship was the first domino in the chain reaction that led to my life being ruined, so maybe I should try to salvage it so I have something to show for this entire mess.”
Ben opens his mouth to speak.
I hold up my hands. “Ass-backward, I know. But that’s why I forced it so many times. And he was good to me, about what happened. I had panic attacks, and he was so supportive. He’s the one who convinced me to go to therapy, and it helped. He probably didn’t anticipate that therapy would also help me realize that our relationship wasn’t working, but it did that too.”
He rubs his face. “I can’t believe this. All I do is tell people how great he is. My mom loves him. We took hismoney.” His voice breaks. “Annie, you didn’t tell me. I get why you would’ve stayed quiet back then, but we’re close now. At least I thought we were.Whydidn’t you tell me?”
“I wanted to. I was scared, and it was complicated. I was planning to tell you tonight.”
“This is why JJ wanted to meet with you.” He blinks as it sinks in. “Deciding to do this article was probably the biggest decision of your life. You must’ve been thinking about it nonstop the past few weeks. And you didn’t say a word to me. I must be the least observant person on the planet.”
I’m trying to be patient, but it’s becoming difficult. “I get it, Ben, but this isn’t about you. Right now I’m stuck in this room, with Maynard somewhere in the building, and a bunch of reporters who know who I am right outside the door. It’s not ideal.”
The rumble of something heavy being wheeled down the concourse interrupts the silence that follows, and a walkie-talkie beeps from somewhere nearby. Ben’s jaw tightens as he gives the door a dirty look. “You’re right,” he says. “We shouldn’t be talking about this.”
Here,he means. We shouldn’t be talking about this here.
“What do you want to do?” he asks.
Maybe I should saytake a quiet moment alone,orcall my therapist,but neither of those comes to mind.
I take a deep breath. “I need to get out of here.” I stand, and he follows my lead. “I need to get my computer from the hotel. I spoke to the press about things that make Ardwyn look bad. I have no idea what that means for my future. But I have to finish the video, do you understand?”
I need to hide out somewhere no university administrator can find me. Cassie has told me the school won’t fire me right away. If they want to get rid of me, they’ll let a few months float by and blame the budget or tank my performance reviews. But I have visions of some HR person cutting off myaccess to the network, telling me to take some time for myself, a paid leave of absence, effective immediately. I need to work on the video, because no matter how this ends, I’m not leaving my story unfinished. I need the rest of the day.
He doesn’t question whether it’s the right thing to focus on right now. Because he does understand. That’s why, when he inevitably tries to leave with me so we can finish our conversation in private, I need to convince him to go to shoot-around instead. Because he deserves a chance to concentrate on basketball right now too.
He grabs a handful of tissues from the table in the corner and hands me one. “Let’s go, then.”
I dab my eyes and fan my hot, swollen face. I’m completely drained. Too drained to contemplate whether our tiny baby bird of a relationship and my future at Ardwyn can survive this.
All I can do is try to find the exit.
TWENTY-NINE
The reporters are gathering onthe concourse. Not right outside the door, but down toward the interview room. The hallway curves so it’s impossible to see, but their chatter carries toward Ben and me.
Damn. I hoped they’d still be behind closed doors at the press conference. Or better yet, that they’d already be gone, leaving a clear path for my escape. The longer I wait, the more likely it is that someone will wander in our direction, but I linger anyway. Is it my imagination or do they sound louder? Energized? More frenetic than usual? How could they not be, after a bombshell like that?
