Page 69 of The Golden Boy's Guide to Bipolar
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry,” Aaron says. “I didn’t mean to push it.”
“It’s cool,” Avery says, but he still doesn’t look up.
“So, we were talking about relationships, right?” Zo asks, and Avery looks relieved for the subject change. “Congrats on kissing movie-theater girl!”
“Thanks,” Aaron says, back to smiling.
“I’m proud of you.” Dr. Lee smiles. “See, a lot of people think that people with SMIs can’t be in successful relationships, but look at our diverse experiences right here!”
“Well, she doesn’t know I’m borderline...,” Aaron says, slumping in his seat. “I don’t know how to tell her. Or when. If I ever do.”
“Don’t feel pressured to tell her before you’re ready.” Zo leans over and squeezes his shoulder.
“Anyways, what about you, Zo? How are things going with you and your man?” Aaron asks. He sure has a lot of questions. I’m just glad they’re not directed at me.
“Ughhh,” Zo groans. “He thinks he’sstraight.” They put finger quotes around “straight.” “But he can’t be straight if he’s attractedtome, right? I’mnot a girl!” They throw their hands up in frustration, and now it’s Aaron’s turn to squeeze Zo’s shoulder.
“Have you talked to your partner about your frustration?” Dr. Lee asks, all therapist-y.
“Yeah, but he just doesn’t get it!”
“You know,” Dr. Lee says, “your partner thinking he’s straight may have nothing to do with you at all. It can be difficult to come to terms with your own sexuality. You can’t force someone to realize they’re queer before they’re ready. Maybe it just takes some time.”
Dr. Lee glances at me for some reason, and I immediately look away.
It’s not like I haven’t come to terms with my sexuality. I have the opposite problem from Zo’s partner. I know I’m not straight. Not yet. If Avery’s experience is anything to go by, maybe I can be. Maybe it just takes some time.
I straggle a little behind everyone else after group to avoid Avery. By the time I get to the lobby, the only one in there is Hunter, waiting to pick me up like we talked about.
“Yoooo, he’s alive!” Hunter stands up and yanks me into a handshake hug.
“Unfortunately, yes,” I say as we start making our way outside.
“I feel that.” He laughs, and I wonder if he really does or if he thinks we’re joking. “So how you been, bro?”
Ah, heisjoking. Otherwise he wouldn’t be asking me that. “Fine, you?”
“Can’t complain, can’t complain,” he says as the motion-sensored doors open for us. Unfortunately, Avery hasn’t left the parking lot. Neither have Zo or Aaron, and they’re all just standing there talking.Avery spots us as we get a little closer and gives me an awkward wave. I don’t want Hunter asking any questions, so I give him a nod.
“Hey, Cesar, we’re gonna get food right now, want to come?” Zo asks, waving me over.
“Sorry, I got plans,” I say, gesturing at Hunter.
“Oh, your friend can come too if he wants,” Aaron adds. “I’m Aaron, by the way, nice to meet you.” He holds his hand out for Hunter to shake, all formal. “This is Zo, and Avery.”
“Hunter,” Hunter says as he takes Aaron’s hand awkwardly. “Is that cool with you?” he asks me. I hate being put on the spot, so I just shrug.
“Okay, then I’m down! Do you guys need a ride? I have a five-seater.”
Avery looks surprised at the offer, his eyes bouncing between me and Hunter. “Uh, is that okay?”
“Of course! Any friend of Cesar’s is a friend of mine.”
Avery raises an eyebrow at me, and I want nothing more than to spontaneously combust right this second. If either of them remembers the other from Jamal’s open mic at that Christian coffee shop, they don’t show it.
“Aren’t you on probation?” is all I find myself asking. I know if I say anything else now, Hunter will want to know why I don’t want to hang out with Avery, and I’m not about to get into that.
“Yeah, but I can stop for food and stuff on my way home. I just can’t stay out too long. But I don’t have to go if—”
