Page 62 of The Golden Boy's Guide to Bipolar
“I’m tired,” I say as I try to pass her to get to the hallway.
She reaches for my arm, but I don’t give her the chance to grab it.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” I whirl around before she makes contact, and she pulls her hand away.
“Don’t yell at her,” Yami says firmly, but she doesn’t raise her voice. She comes over to Mami like she’s guarding her from me.
“What, so she can basically kick me out, but I can’t yell? Mind your fucking business, Yami.”
“I’m sorry, mijo, I just wanted to—” Mami starts, but I don’t let her finish.
“I don’t care!” I burst out. “And you don’t either, so I don’t know why you’re still pretending. Just fucking leave me alone!”
“He doesn’t mean that,” Yami says as she touches Mami’s arm. I can’t help but laugh.
“Why are you even here, Yami?” She knew I was getting sent away and she didn’t want to see me before I left. So why is she getting involved in my shit with Mami?
She looks like she might cry any second, so I just turn around and go straight to my room. Surprisingly enough, they both let me leave.
My bed calls to me, and I answer it, flopping down face-first. I lie limp like that for who knows how long before I even think to check my phone.
It’s not like I was expecting any missed texts from Yami, or even Jamal, but it still stings when I turn my phone back on to barely any notifications. The only people who thought to text me were Hunter (who doesn’t know how horrible a person I am) and Bianca (who’s just as bad as me).
I lie there, staring at the ceiling, trying to will myself to respond to one of them, but I can’t move. When my mom comes knocking on my door saying dinner’s ready, I can’t make myself get up. I want to yell at her to leave me alone, but instead I just mumble out that I’m not hungry.
When yelling does happen later that night, it’s somehow not me doing it. Shouts between Yami and my mom echo from the living room. I can’t exactly make out what they’re saying, but I somehow justknowthey’re arguing about me.
Curious, I quietly open my door and creep into the hallway, listening without making myself known.
“This will be good for you too! Why can’t you see that?” Mami’s voice.
“That’s such bullshit—” Yami says.
“Language!”
“—you never make me do anything because it’s good forme, and we both know it!”
“But going back to Roverwillbe good for you!” Shit. She wants Yami to follow me to Rover?
“Whythehellwould I want to go back to Rover? Ihatedit there! Not that you care.”
“Not everything is about you, Yamilet! Think of your brother, what if he—”
“No! No, no, no. You don’t get to pull the Cesar card on me. I’ve done nothing but think of him first for my entire life. I’m done! I’m done putting everyone before myself! So what if I want to pay my own way and stay at Slayton? Ilikeit there! I’m not going back just to babysit Cesar! And he sure as hell doesn’t want me there either, trust me. He hates me!” Yami sounds like she’s crying, and a lump forms in my own throat at the sound of her words. She thinks I hate her? I guess I have given her every reason to believe that....
“I’m sorry, but you’re going back to Rover whether you like it or not. We can’t risk—”
That’s when I make myself known. I can’t take this anymore.
“No, she’s not,” I say coldly, knowing I’m about to make Yami hate me even more than she already does, but it’s for her own good. “If I have to go to school with Yami, I’m dropping out. You can’t force us to go to school together.”
My mom and Yami both stare at me with quivering lips. I know Yami’s thinking I hate her, and probably wondering why or what happened when all she’s ever done is love and support me. But that’s exactly why I need to keep her from coming back to Rover. I can’t have her making any more sacrifices for me. She needs to live her own life.
After a long pause of all of us just staring at each other, Yami finally looks back at Mami. “Well, I guess it’s settled then,” she says. Suddenly the sadness in her face is completely gone, replaced by a stone and ice. Her cold tone finally mirrors mine. “I’m stayingat Slayton. Take care of yourself, Cesar, because I’m done.” Then she rushes past me and into her room, shutting the door surprisingly quietly.
The lack of a slam makes me even more anxious. I can’t tell if she genuinely wants me to take care of myself, or if she just wants me to know she’s done doing that work for me. Either way, I’m on my own now.
The next morning, I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth earlier than usual, hoping to miss Yami. I open my side of the bathroom door quietly so as not to wake her up.
