Page 40 of The Golden Boy's Guide to Bipolar
Yami rushes Bianca, lunging at her and tackling her to the ground. Bo rushes in and tries to pull Yami away, but Yami has Bianca’s hair in a death grip, and she doesn’t look like she has any intention of letting go.
I’m honestly too stunned to move. Yami’s never gotten in a fight before, especially not with Bianca, her ex-best friend. Especially not over me.
Bo eventually manages to pull Yami away from a seething Bianca, but then her rage is turned toward me.
“What the fuck are you doing withher?” she shouts, but I have nothing to say for myself.
Bianca hurriedly pats down her fist-tangled hair. “Isn’t it obvious?” she says, but not before running to the other side of the bed so Yami can’t reach her.
“Yami, she’s not worth it,” Bo says, and I’m not sure if she’s hugging Yami or trying to hold her back. Maybe both.
Then Yami lets out a deep breath to calm herself. “You can let go now, Bo.”
Bo lets her go.
“Bianca, you should go,” Yami says, too calmly. Then panic sinks in for me. She wants to talk?To me?
It all comes to the surface now. I just hooked up with Yami’s worst enemy. Ihooked upwith the girl who outed Yami last year. The girl who made my sister’s life a living hell. However much I hate Nick, Yami hates Bianca even more. They were best friends. They grew up together. We all did. Isawhow much they meant to each other before the betrayal. Even if Yami didn’t talk about it, I saw firsthand how messed up she was over losing Bianca. I knew hooking up with Bianca would hurt my sister. Iwantedit to.
Now Yami knows without a doubt who I really am. Now she knows she can walk away, and anything that happens to me won’t hurt her anymore. Same with Jamal. All this time, I’ve been looking for a way to save everyone from the grief of losing me, and I found it. They’re free of me now. I finally did it.
So why does she want to talk?
A vortex of guilt and terror rushes over me. This is what I needed to happen, but I can’t just talk about it.
“No, I’ll go,” I say as I run out the door as fast as I can. I don’t stop when Bianca tries calling out to me. I don’t stop when I pass Jamal sitting alone in a corner.
I just run, as if I can outrun the consequences of what I’ve just done, just for a fleeting moment. I run as if I can escape my own body. I run until my calves hurt. Until I don’t know where I am. Until I’m completely alone. I run. I run. I run.
Eventually my legs give out and I collapse onto the asphalt on my hands and knees. That’s when I finally break down crying.
16
When Everyone You Know Is Definitely Conspiring Against You
Paranoia
The next day, just before Jamal is supposed to pick me up for his open mic, dread fills my stomach at the realization that I can’t go. I can’t hang out with him anymore. I can’t do any of it.
I haven’t spoken to Jamal or Yami since last night, not that either of them have tried. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jamal didn’t show up to pick me up at all. Then again, it’s Yami I’m more worried about, because Jamal hasn’t been expecting us to get back together since we talked about it.
Instead of waiting for him to pick me up, I leave the house just in time so that when he gets there—if he even comes—I’ll be gone.
I make a run for it from my room—where I’ve been hiding all day—so I don’t have to bump into Yami either.
“I’m going out,” I call to my mom, then slip out the door before she can respond.
But just as I make it off the driveway, the rumble of Jamal’s engine gets louder as his truck appears turning right onto our street.
Without thinking, I dive behind the nearest bush and wait as Jamal gets out of his truck and walks toward our front door. I hold my breath as he rings the doorbell. It opens just moments later, and I can hear my mom’s surprised voice answer him.
“I thought you and Cesar just left?”
“No, I just got here. He left?” Jamal asks, sounding hurt.
“He just left, I’m sorry. He couldn’t have gone far, though. Maybe you can catch up to him?”
I peek from behind the bush to see Jamal turning around to look down the street, as if trying to solve the mystery of where I went. Then he gets out his phone, types something, and presses it to his ear.
