Page 39 of The Golden Boy's Guide to Bipolar
Her eyes widen. “Do you think someone put something in it?”
“No way to know, but better safe than sorry.” Bo’s parents drilled into me and Yami the rules of party going. Don’t leave your drink unattended, and don’t drink something that you haven’t had your eyes on, etc. etc. “Let’s just make a new drink.”
She nods and pulls me along to the kitchen, where she grabs another bottle of tequila and takes a few swigs straight from the bottle, then hands it to me. I shrug and gulp down a swallow or two. Bianca gets out her phone to take a selfie with me and the bottle. I look around anxiously. If Yami sees a picture of me with Bianca, she’ll be pissed. But... maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe she needs a reality check about me. That I’m not just some innocent little kicked puppy that needs taking care of all the time. Maybe she needs to see me for who I am.
I kiss the bottle for the camera, and Bianca kisses the other side of it, so the bottle is the only thing between our lips. A guilty chill runs down my spine, but I ignore it.
Next, she pulls me back to the living room where people aredancing and Jamal is standing alone in a corner. He sees me and lights up, then sees Bianca and pushes his glasses up his nose like he does when he’s trying to figure something out.
Bianca wraps her arms around my neck and closes the space between us. Before I know it, our hips are pressed together, and she’s grinding them to the music.
“What are you—”
She interrupts me with a kiss. It catches me so off guard that I don’t stop her right away. When I finally pull away, I see Jamal standing across the room with an unreadable expression.
No matter what I do, Jamal and Yami and even my mom keep getting hurt, but they still can’t stop with all the babying. Jamal and Yami haven’t even been having fun at this party. And Dr. Lee was right. I don’t like it because Idon’tdeserve it. Even when I tried to deserve it, all I did was mess shit up, so what’s the point? If there’s no hiding that I’m a shit person, I might as well make it more obvious so everyone can stop fooling themselves.
Then there’s Nick. He’d probably beat the shit out of me if he knew about this, but he’d do that anyway. At least this way I can hurt him back.
Bianca grabs my chin and pulls my face back toward hers so we’re eye to eye. And that’s when I know what I have to do.
I lean forward and kiss her again.
15
When You Dance with the Literal Devil
Reckless Behavior
I open my eyes halfway through the kiss, scanning the room for Yami, but I don’t see her or Bo anywhere. Jamal, on the other hand, makes eye contact with me for just a moment before he turns around and leaves the room.
“Want to go somewhere more private?” Bianca asks, and I nod, following her into one of the bedrooms.
Don’t get me wrong. I know I’m “mentally ill.” I know that. But it’s not like I’m not in control of my actions. Sure, we’re both a little tipsy—maybe more than a little tipsy—but I know exactly what I’m doing, and I’m doing it of my own free will.
I know how messed up this looks. How messed up itis.I know there’s only so much I can be forgiven for. There’s no turning back from this, but I’m doing it anyway. And if I wanted to, I could stop at any moment.
But I don’t stop.
Bianca’s lips move to my jaw, and her hands travel from my chest down my stomach, and finally to my zipper.
“Your sister would be pissed if she knew what we were doing, wouldn’t she?” Bianca asks as she unbuttons my jeans and slides the zipper down.
I keep my thoughts to myself about how weird it is that Bianca is thinking about Yami right now.
Bianca pulls my boxers down and gets on her knees.
“Probably, she’d—oh...” The words get sucked out of me. Like, literally.
And then the door swings open, and another hungry-for-each-other couple stumbles in sucking face.
Bianca jumps to her feet, letting out a startled noise. That’s when the couple notices us. And when I really notice them.
Yami and Bo.
I quickly pull my boxers back up and zip my pants. Yami just stares at me and Bianca. I know I should be trying to explain myself, but what is there to say? I did what I did, and I did it for a reason. Finally, it seems to click for Yami, and whatever rage I felt over the last few months is multiplied tenfold in her.
There’s silence and then, “You fucking bitch!”
