Page 37 of The Golden Boy's Guide to Bipolar
My eyes dart to Yami, who hasn’t seemed to notice them just yet, but Bianca is already scanning the room. Unfortunately, she spots me before she finds my sister and eagerly makes her way to me and Jamal, officially making it impossible to avoid Nick. He grins when he sees where she’s headed and follows her with the rest of them.
Jamal hops down from the counter and stands next to me defensively, but Bianca seems completely oblivious to the tension.
“Hey, Cesar!” she says cheerfully as Nick crosses his arms with a smirk. “Where’s Ya—”
“What’s up, joto?” Nick taunts without letting her finish. Shefrowns but doesn’t say anything. I’m about to punch Nick when Jamal puts a protective arm in front of my chest.
“Leave him alone, Nick.” His voice is low and firm. It’d be hot, honestly, if I wasn’t so heated myself.
Nick stumbles forward and grabs the shot glass out of my hand, spilling most of it before downing what’s left. He’s clearly way drunker than I am, but hopefully not for long.
“He’s not worth it, Cesar,” Jamal says under his breath, a steadying hand on my tense shoulder. If it wasn’t for Jamal right now, I’d have already clocked Nick in his annoying chin three times over.
Before Nick has a chance to do anything, Yami and Bo have already pushed their way in between Nick and me, both of them pointedly ignoring Bianca. I want to shove past Yami and deck the dude, but one look at Jamal’s concerned face, and I know I have to resist the urge. He’s worried about me again. It takes everything in me to get the angry fireball inside to simmer down.
Nick laughs. “Aw, you got your sister to protect you?”
“Will you shut the fuck up?” Bianca finally bursts out, surprising everyone.
I don’t know if a face can physically get redder than Nick’s right now.
“You don’t talk to me like that.” He says it more like a threat than anything, but she doesn’t seem fazed.
“What, like how you talk to literally everyone all the time?”
Jamal and Yami take the opportunity to pull me away from the kitchen while Nick and Bianca start full-on screaming at each other in front of everyone. Even Nick’s friends eventually leave them to their fight.
“You okay?” Yami asks, and I nod. I know she’s actually asking if I want to leave.
“Are you?” I glance at Bianca, who’s screaming so hard her neck veins are popping out. Yami just laughs.
“Actually, it’s kind of amazing seeing her this mad.”
By now, Nick is storming outside, followed by his friends, while Bianca raises both middle fingers in the air shouting how they’re over.
Jamal looks down at my fists, which are clenched so hard I might break them. I know what he wants to do. When we were together and I was this stressed, he’d take one of my clenched fists and coax it open until he could slip his hand inside.
“Squeeze all you want,” he’d say.
When I notice his fingers twitch as he looks at my fists, I can’t handle it. I turn around and rush past him, past Yami and Bo, and past the crowd. I run until I find the bathroom and shut myself inside.
I’m not even that drunk yet, but I feel like I’m flying, and not in a good way. It’s like when you get on a plane and it’s all shaky before landing and you’re afraid everyone’s going to crash and die. I feel my heart pounding against my ears, which makes the room spin even more than it already was. I press my back up against the bathroom wall and slide down to the floor, hugging my knees and taking deep breaths. Am I having a panic attack or something?
After a while, there’s a knock on the door, and it just makes it harder to breathe.
“Is anyone in here?” It’s Jamal.
I let out another breath, trying to tame whatever outburst mightbe trying to force its way up. I can’t tell what’s going on inside me right now. Is this anger? Anxiety? Fear? Excitement? Whatever it is, it’s hard to get it to shut up.
There’s another knock.
“Is that you, Cesar?” Jamal’s voice again. Shit. He must have seen me come in here.
“It’s unlocked,” I say back, putting my head between my knees. The door opens, and Jamal comes inside, closing it behind him.
Without a word, he sits right across from me, waiting. I don’t realize I’m hyperventilating until I hear his voice again.
“Breathe, Cesar. Can I touch you?” he asks, and I nod without lifting my head from between my knees. He puts a hand on my calf, rubbing his thumb gently against my jeans. “You’re safe, okay? Me, Yami, and Bo are here. Nick already left. No one’s gonna hurt you, okay?”
