Page 110 of The Golden Boy's Guide to Bipolar
“So I changed my mind about something,” I say after a long moment of pause.
“About what?”
“I told you I’d live for you. I wanted to prove to you I’d do anything for you. That I wanted you back badly enough to stay alive.”
“What are you saying?” he asks, and his pained expression hurts more than the bruises.
“I’ll live. But not for you,” I say, snuggling closer to him. “I want to live for me.”
42
When You’re Loved Anyway
Euphoria
Since I’ve kind of been neglecting Hunter as a friend, I offer to meet up with him before the open mic. I’m half expecting him to ignore me since I’ve been a shitty friend, but he texts back right away saying he’ll meet me at the coffee shop an hour early.
Before heading out, I stare at the promise ring and the cross necklace still left in my drawer. I take a deep breath before grabbing the promise ring and putting it on.
Then I look at the necklace.
I decide I’ll put this one on when I’m sure I’m no longer manic. For now, I can accept a complicated relationship with God, like Zo said.
When I arrive at the coffee shop, it’s clear why Jamal picked it to host his queer-friendly open mics as soon as I walk in. There are flags everywhere, and not the American kind. The progress flag, rainbow flag, and trans flag are plastered all over the shop. Jamal told me that even the name, Brick Road, is a nod to an old euphemism people used to find other LGBTQ+ folk. I guess beinga “friend of Dorothy” meant you were gay. So the whole coffee shop is Wizard of Oz themed.
A quick scan of the area shows me Hunter isn’t here yet. I get to the front of the line and order a cinnamon roll latte, then wait at one of the tables. It’s only a couple minutes before he shows up. The barista greets him enthusiastically, and they chat for a bit before he orders his drink. It’s not until after he orders that he notices I’m already here.
“What isup, Flores! How’ve you been?” he says enthusiastically. I don’t know if he’s just excited to see me after a while, or if it’s the open mic or something else, but he definitely seems a little more cheery than usual, if that’s possible. I instinctually go for the bro hug I’m used to from him, but then he extends his arms and pulls me into a full-on bear hug, squeezing hard and almost picking me up off the floor.
“I’ve been... ,” I start as we both sit down. I’m not sure if I should wreck the mood by being honest or not. But I’m done pretending everything is fine when it’s not. Hunter is good people. He’ll understand. “Not great, honestly. I’m getting better, though.”
“Good to hear you’re getting better,” he says. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Maybe another time. Uh, what about you?” I ask awkwardly. Small talk is a little weird with anyone but Jamal for me. But I do want to know how he’s been.
“I’m great, I’m great. So, hey, I have a question for you.”
“What’s up?” I ask, already feeling nervous.
“You know your friend Avery? Uh, do you happen to know if he’s, like... um, straight?”
I tense up a bit at the question. “Why does it matter?”
“This is a little awkward, but...” Hunter’s ears and cheeks go completely red. “I might have, like, a little crush....”
“Wait,you’renot straight?” I feel like I just took a pie to the face.
“I mean, I don’t know. I guess not? I’m just as shocked as you are, believe me.” He laughs all nervous.
“So you like Avery? Since when?”
“Well, we went to that concert together, you know? And we just kind of hit it off, and... I don’t know, man. I’m just kind of figuring all this out. I guess I’m bi?”
I can’t hold back my smile, which makes him blush harder and retract his neck like a startled turtle. Why does he seem so nervous to tell me? “I’m bi too, remember?” I remind him.
“Wait, you don’t like Avery too, do you?”
It hits me then that my defensiveness over being asked if Avery was straight probably didn’t give Hunter the best impression. “Don’t worry, he’s all yours.”
