Page 70 of The Golden Boy's Guide to Bipolar
“It’s fine, let’s just go,” I interrupt before he can give anyone here more information about me than I’m comfortable with.
“Oh... okay. Um, thanks,” Avery says quickly as we all makeour way to Hunter’s car. I hop in the front, and everyone else files into the back.
“We were thinking about getting In-N-Out. Is that cool with you guys?” Zo asks.
“In-N-Out, got it,” Hunter says as he turns on his music and pulls out of the parking lot. It’s some obscure indie band I’ve never heard of, but Hunter’s singing like no one’s around to judge.
Zo and Aaron have a sort of conversation in the back while me and Avery silently pretend this is no big deal. It isn’t until the song is over that Avery says anything.
“Okay, I can’t not say something about this,” he starts, and I hold my breath, trying to telepathically will him to shut the fuck up. “Were you just listening to Let’s All Die Now?”
I let out my breath, relieved he’s just talking about the music and not our old shit. I don’t bother looking back at Avery when he talks, but he sounds both shocked and thrilled.
“Wait, you know them?” Hunter practically squeals. I guess they’re both shocked and thrilled.
“What are they called again?” Zo asks, sounding a little concerned. I was kind of wondering the same thing, since the music doesn’t sound all that emo. It sounds more hype than anything.
“Let’s All Die Now,” Hunter answers. “But it’s not what you think! The actual name is Let’s All Die N.I.A.H.W., which is short for ‘naturally in a healthy way,’ but everyone just says now.”
Personally, I’d prefer the “now,” but instead I just say, “Cool.”
“Did you know they’re in town this weekend?” Hunter asks Avery. It kind of feels like Hunter and Avery just transported into another reality where it’s just the two of them and this music.
“Don’t fuck with me, really?”
“I’m serious! I’ll send you the info, here, put your number in.” Hunter pulls his phone out of his pocket and hands it back to Avery without taking his eyes off the road. I actually want to puke.
If Hunter, as one of the only friends I have left, has Avery’s number now, who knows what those two will say about me? Hunter could accidentally give Avery fuel for Nick, and Avery could out me being SMI, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Lovely. One more thing to add to the list of everything in my life I’ve lost control over.
I decide to save us a table at In-N-Out instead of waiting in line with everyone else, trying to convince myself to be less annoyed about this whole situation. All Hunter was supposed to do was give me a ride home, and now I’m stuck with people I barely know, and Avery, who I hate. The only reason I’m not insisting on getting home is because I want to bethereeven less.
Mami texts me then, asking where I am, but I ignore it. I know I’m grounded and will probably get in trouble for not going straight home, but I don’t care. There’s literally nothing she can do to punish me that matters anymore.
Eventually everyone else makes it to the table. Apparently, they’ve gone back to our therapy topic of relationships. Everyone’s trying to give Zo advice about how to talk to their “straight” boyfriend.
“You should tell him how you feel,” Aaron says between sips of his soda. “Like, if he knows it feels misgendering when he says he’s straight, maybe he’ll see it in a different way?”
I try to be nonchalant as I gauge Hunter’s reaction to that. He’susually pretty cool about stuff like this, but he’s also not the most informed. He looks at me like he thinks I have something valuable to add to the conversation. Which I don’t. Does he think because I’m queer that I know shit about Zo’s very different situation? But Zo notices Hunter looking at me, so nowtheythink I have something to say.
“Uhh, maybe he’s just not ready to come out?” I say almost defensively. “But I’m straight, so I wouldn’t know.” I punctuate that caveat with a big bite of my burger, so I don’t have to say anything else. I just had to make sure Hunter knows I’m not out to this group. Well, besides Avery, but that’s not by choice. Hunter and Avery both know I’m lying, but neither of them calls me out on it.
“That’s a good point,” Hunter says. “Maybe give him some time and let him know it’s okay to question it. I mean, I’ve never been in a serious relationship before, so I probably don’t have the best advice. But yeah, that’s what I would do.”
“Really?” Avery asks. I’m not sure which part he’s questioning until he tacks on a “Me either.”
Zo looks from Avery to Hunter and smiles a little. Avery notices and immediately looks down, blushing. Hunter’s too busy typing on his phone to catch it, though.
He turns to me. “I should get you home soon. Your mom just texted me.”
I sigh. She knew he was picking me up from therapy, so it was bound to happen eventually. “Is she mad?”
“Not yet,” Hunter reassures me. “But we should probably head back while she’s still relieved you’re with your therapy friends.”
“Okay, sure,” I say as I start picking up my trash.
“I should probably head out too. Can’t spend too much time out of the house,” Avery says as he moves to stand.
