Page 38 of Tell Me Softly
It’s hard to describe the pleasure I felt when his lips touched my ear. When we had been together lately, even when we’d just looked at each other, I’d felt…things. Heat. Nothing that resembled the excitement I’d felt when I was with him as a kid, the excitement of seeing someone who was like a brother…
I didn’t realize I had gone on looking at him until something else caught my attention, and I turned to find Danny trying to stare me down. I wanted to show him I wasn’t scared of him, that I didn’t care what he thought, but I felt a pain in my chest instead and turned my eyes downward.
“Are you OK?” Julian asked. I’d felt so much more relaxedwith him ever since we’d talked the other night. I enjoyed his company, he was easy to talk to, and he’d been so open with me. He also listened, and not just because he was supposed to. He was actually interested in what I had to say.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I responded. Fortunately, Danny had started talking to one of his friends. Fortunately for both of us, I mean, because if Julian or Taylor caught him trying to scare me, they’d have both pounced on him again.
“Didn’t you promise me we’d have coffee together soon?” Julian asked, picking at his unidentifiable cafeteria lunch with a fork.
“Yeah, let’s do next week because I’ve got to deal with this biology project, practice, detention, plus the game this weekend…”
Julian nodded and said, “I get it. We’re all a little overwhelmed. It’s crazy to think the year’s barely started.”
Sighing, I nodded, took a sip of water, and said, “Welcome to senior year.”
“Who’s your biology partner?” Julian asked, poking around in his food.
“Taylor,” I said, looking up to judge his reaction. I was surprised to see him looking thoughtful. Then he winked, and I couldn’t help but grin.
“You like him?”
I turned the other way and shook my head.
“We’ve been friends since…”
“Since you were kids. I know. You’ve told me a million times.”
“Sorry, I guess I repeat myself too much.”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just that you talk about him every day, and I’m starting to get the impression you see him as something more than your childhood friend.”
“What do you know about how I see him?”
“I observe things. You in particular. Something happens toyou when he’s around. I know more than you’d think, especially when someone’s interesting to me.”
With surprise, I asked, “Oh, so I’m interesting to you? Why’s that?”
Julian smiled, rested his chin on his fists, then shrugged. “I don’t know. You’ve got an aura.”
“An aura?”
“Yeah. It’s magnetic. It makes people unable to take their eyes off of you. Like, look: if we just analyzed you from the outside, you’re not so different from the other girls our age. I’m not saying that to offend you. I’m just saying what people like about you isn’t just your looks or even your personality, it’s this aura—it makes people want to be like you, or to be near you, at the very least.”
I was momentarily speechless. Then I said, “Sorry, I don’t have any aura.”
Julian laughed. “That’s exactly what people with an aura usually say:There’s nothing special about me, I’m just like all the other mere mortals…”
“I really am, though,” I insisted, but not without appreciating what he was saying.
“You’re unique, Kamila Hamilton,” he repeated, standing. “Like it or not.” He pointed at the tip of my nose and walked away.
He couldn’t be right, though. If there was anything special about me, it was the darkness inside me. A darkness that blotted out everything good and made people do things they would regret for the rest of their lives.
***
Practice was especially tough that afternoon. We’d had a rivalry with Falls Church forever, and that extended all the way to the cheerleading squad. They had scheduled our girls to competeagainst theirs just before the big game. Kate, who had taken over as head cheerleader when I’d made it clear I wasn’t up for it this year, was stressing out over the choreography. I ignored her. I was more interested in what the guys on the court were doing just then.
“Kamila, come on! Can you not get with the program?”
