Page 30 of Tell Me Softly
Julian nodded his head. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” he said, turning on his heels. But I stopped him and said, “Wait a second. Thanks for defending me, Julian. You didn’t have to, and I’m sorry it got you in trouble.”
“It was worth it,” he said with a timid smile.
As soon as he’d walked off, Taylor came around in front of me, brought his face within an inch of mine, and told me angrily, sternly, “Kami, answer me.” I noticed the soft blue of his eyes, noticed the swollen tissue of his hands, worse than Julian’s, and I felt twice as guilty. Of all the people at that school, Taylor was the last person I’d have wanted to hurt. “I’m not an idiot,” he went on. “I could tell something was wrong when I saw you with that asshole on game day when the two of you were sitting in his stupid car. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, is it?”
Of course it wasn’t. I felt a fire burning in my chest as Iremembered that moment. I’d sworn I’d never think about it again, that I’d hide it in the deepest part of myself.
“Things are tough between us, Taylor,” I said. “We broke up, and he’s having trouble handling it. He loves me, you know? And I don’t want to cause him problems…”
“What about my problems? I keep him from hurting you, and now I’ve got two weeks of detention! And you’re worried about causing him problems? Him? What the hell is going on, Kami?”
“I’m sorry, Tay, I really am. I’ll go back and talk to the principal again if you want. I promise, this was the last thing I…”
Taylor grabbed my arm and jerked me behind a column. Then he pulled his hand back, remembering my bruised wrist, and we both looked down at it, as if it were proof that I wasn’t being honest with him. “If he even comes close to you again, I’ll kill him,” Taylor said.
I’d never seen him so angry. Acting that way because of me…it made me feel the way I did when we were little kids: protected.
“It won’t happen again,” I promised him, looking him in the eye.
In the ensuing silence, I felt the urge to reach up and touch his black eye, as if doing so could cure him, as if I could make that wound disappear. He hesitated, lips apart, wanting to say something, but before he could, a janitor passed by, and Taylor pulled away.
“You should head home,” he said.
I’d almost forgotten that I was about to do that before all this happened. At least he’d made me forget how scared I’d been to give blood.
He told me he’d see me tomorrow over his shoulder as he walked away, and I felt bitter and powerless as my eyes welled with tears. I took deep breaths and hoped I wouldn’t cry. My phone buzzed. It was a message from Danny:Thanks for fucking everything up.
I walked to the bathroom and shut myself in one of the stalls, trying to get a hold of myself before going back outside. I didn’t want to risk anyone seeing me like this. How had it gotten this far? I didn’t want Danny to feel this way. I didn’t want him to hate me. I wiped away my tears, only leaving once I thought I wouldn’t fall apart on the way home.
***
The next day at lunch, I walked into the cafeteria to find every single person in there staring at me. I hated that. I’d never wanted to be the center of attention; I didn’t want people talking about me at all. It didn’t matter if what they had to say was good or bad. I looked over to where the teachers were sitting and saw Thiago. His expression was inscrutable as he looked up, and soon he turned back to his tray.
Taylor was with the guys from the team. None of them were pleased to see me. I’d gotten some of them in trouble—I could have even gotten the team captain expelled—so I guess I understood where the hate was coming from.
My friends were at the same table as ever. I walked over as if everything was cool, as if I had no idea anyone was upset about anything, and plopped down in the seat Kate had saved for me.
“I heard you started a fight,” she said.
“I didn’t start anything,” I said, opening my backpack and taking out my sandwich and bottle of water.
“I’m sorry, Kami, but you can’t expect people to just keep quiet about the three hottest guys at the school fighting over you. Not to mention the hottest person on staff,” said Lana, popping a wedge of apple into her mouth.
“Thiago didn’t fight with anyone,” I said, wishing I’d just stayed home that day. I even wished I were at detention, where no one was allowed to talk.
“I see you know perfectly well who we mean bythe hottest person on staff,” Kate said. She loved needling me about these things, and it was impossible for me to hide my feelings from her.
The blood rose in my cheeks. But what could I say? It was true that our math teacher was good-looking too. Before Thiago came along, half the girls were in love with him. He was forty or something, but he looked twenty-five. Still, Thiago was in a whole other league.
“Lady Kamila, are you blushing?”
Dammit. I hated that stupid nickname! I stood and grabbed my bag.
“I’ve told y’all a million times, don’t call me that.”
They didn’t even apologize. I regretted losing control of myself, but before I could do anything about it, I’d already marched out of the cafeteria. I decided to go to the fields, where a lot of us liked to stretch out under the sun on our free periods. It would start getting cold soon, so I wanted to take in as much warmth as I could.
Somebody had followed me out there, and when I lay down, hoping to warm myself up inside and out, I noticed a shadow falling over me.
