Page 93 of My Fault
“I would never lay a finger on you,” he said. “I don’t know what happened to you in the past, Noah, but whatever it was, I promise—I will never hurt you.”
I shook my head.
“You already did, Nicholas.”
He tried to say something, but I interrupted him.
“Please just take me home.”
We didn’t talk the rest of the way, and once we got there, I took my suitcases straight to my room after saying hello to my mother and William. Nicholas didn’t even stay behind. Once he’d taken out our bags, he got back into his car. I didn’t care, not anymore; I never did, or at least I kept trying to tell myself that.
The next morning, a letter came for me. I was supposed to hang out with Jenna, Lion, and Mario, and I left it in the passenger seat as I drove to the place we were meeting. There was no return address, and I opened it after I got out of the car to wait.
I’d never imagined what I’d find in it. When I started to read, my heart sped up, and I felt the blood drain from my face.
I’m writing you this letter because I hate you more than anyone in the world. Watch your back, Noah.
A.
Those words burned into my mind like fire. No one had ever said anything like that to me before, and I felt my hands start to shake. Somebody must have dropped the letter in our mailbox because there was no stamp. A? Who the hell was A? The first person to come into my head was Anna, but it couldn’t be her. She was a bitch, but I didn’t think she was capable of something like that. Then I thought of Ronnie and the threat he’d made to Nicholas, but why would he write A? I didn’t know anyone whose name started with that letter… This was insane. I was scared, but I decided to consider it a joke. No one was going to hurt me, not in that city, not at my home.
“What’s up?” a familiar voice asked. It was Mario. I’d invited him because he hadn’t stopped sending me messages since I left for the Bahamas. Mario and I had had amoment, so to speak—we had kissed, but it had seemed to mean more to him than it did to me. I’d been planning on putting the brakes on anything romantic with him, but after what had happened with Nicholas, I wasn’t so sure. Mario was nice, gentle, caring; he respected me, and he seemed genuinely interested in me. I knew I was lying to myself, but I wanted to be with someone normal for once in my life, find a person who could make me happy and who respected me as a person, and Mario seemed perfect.
I smiled at him. I doubt I looked very convincing, especially because I still had that letter in my head. I stuffed it into my pants pocket and tried to put on a happy face.
“Nothing. I’m good,” I responded, giving him a hug. We were going to a bowling alley. I wasn’t a pro at bowling, but I was going to try to have fun, distract myself, and forget about Nick.
Jenna and Lion arrived just then. She hugged me; she knew I wasn’t doing well and wouldn’t want to talk about what was happening. Lion didn’t seem to know how to act.
I smiled at him anyway, and the four of us walked inside. The place was huge, with people playing and eating snacks all around. The noise of balls striking the pins echoed regularly through the room. I felt good with all those people around yelling when someone got a strike.
While we were waiting for our shoes, Mario asked whether I really didn’t know how to play.
“Don’t laugh at me,” I said. “Anyway, throwing a ball on the ground can’t be that hard.”
“Well, I’m glad you came,” he said. His brown eyes were so different from Nick’s. “I know something happened with you and Nicholas,” he continued, and I had to look away. I didn’t want to talk about Nick, and certainly not with Mario. “I don’t care, though, Noah. I just want you to give me a chance. Nick’s no good for you. I’m not saying that because I want a shot, I’m just telling you the truth. He’s not a one-woman guy, and you deserve someone better than him.”
He was right, I thought, but at the same time, part of me wanted to defend Nick, tell Mario he was wrong, say that Nick could change, that I could make him change.
How naive.
“I can’t be with anyone right now,” I declared. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I need you to understand.” I cursed myself just then for not being able to love the right people for me.
He came close and ran a finger over my cheek, leaving behind a warm feeling.
“I’d be happy just to be your friend.For now.” He grabbed his shoes. I did the same, not really grasping what he’d just said to me.
Bowling turned out to be far more difficult than I’d imagined. I started off watching until I finally dared to go myself. I didn’t manage to knock even one pin over. Everyone laughed at me and it got to me. I couldn’t help it—I was very competitive.
When I started to get the hang of it, I got a little too motivated. I rolled the ball too hard, it slipped, and I fell on my back on the lane. But that wasn’t all—my fingers were stuck in the ball, and it wound up on my stomach.
It went without saying that it hurt, and I was terribly embarrassed to boot. I almost threw up, and when I stood, I was seeing stars. At first people laughed at me, but then they came over to see if I was okay. I wasn’t going to die, but the side of my hip was hurting so badly I could nearly cry.
“Let’s go to the hospital,” Mario said.
“Noah, when you fell, you hit your head. You need to see a doctor,” Jenna urged me.
“I’m fine!” I shouted. Actually I was aching, but in less than an hour, I had to go to work at the bar. I’d already missed a day for the Bahamas, so there was no getting out of it.
