Page 45 of My Fault
Barbecue at Joe’s.That could only mean one thing: a party till dawn, hot chicks, and good music…but I had plans for the next day, plans six hours away that excited and depressed me in equal measure.
“I’m going to Vegas tomorrow,” I told him, making an ambivalent face he instantly understood.
“All right, man. Have fun and say hi to Maddie,” he replied.
“I’ll see you both when I get back,” I said, and then crossed the house and walked upstairs to my room. There was a soft lightcoming from under Noah’s door, and I wondered if she was awake, but then I remembered she was afraid of the dark.
Someday when things calmed down, I’d ask her about that. But for now, I just wanted to sleep. The next day would be long.
My phone alarm went off at 6:30 in the morning. I groaned and turned it off, telling myself I’d need to get the lead out if I wanted to be in Vegas by noon. I hoped a long drive would help dispel the bad mood that was lingering from the night before. I got out of bed and took a quick shower before putting on jeans and a T-shirt, remembering the hellish heat in Nevada, which I’d hated since the first time I ever went there. Vegas was amazing as long as you stayed in the air-conditioned hotels, but outside, no one could stand more than an hour in that dry desert heat before it got to them.
As soon as I walked past Noah’s door again, the memory of the night before assailed me. As if I hadn’t had enough after dreaming of her all night long!
I walked downstairs to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Prett, our cook, wouldn’t get there until ten, so I had to figure out how to make a halfway decent breakfast on my own. At seven, I was in the car and ready to take off.
With the music distracting me, I tried to ignore the feeling that always overcame me when I had to see Madison. I still remembered the day I found out she was born. It horrified me to think that if it hadn’t been for a simple coincidence, my sister and I never would have met. My life had been pretty fucked-up at the time: I hadn’t lived with my father, Lion and I had been roommates, and we’d been getting into hella trouble. One weekend we’d gone with some friends to Vegas. I’d always hated Vegas because it was where my mother lived with her new husband, Robert Grason.
It had been painful to see my mother after seven years, especially with a baby in her arms. I had frozen—so had she—and we’d looked at each other for a few seconds as if seeing ghosts from our past. My mother had abandoned me when I was twelve. One day I’d come out of school, and she hadn’t been there to pick me up. Since then it had just been the two of us, me and Dad, no one else.
I’d always had a good relationship with my mom, and even if, when I’d grown up, Dad had hardly ever been home, it had been fine because she’d been enough. I could still remember the hole in my heart when I realized I’d never see her there again.
But that sorrow had soon turned to hatred toward my mother and women in general. The only person who was supposed to love me above all else had traded me for a millionaire hotel mogul in Vegas whose name my father had cleared after he’d been accused of fraud to the tune of tens of millions of dollars.
Dad had told me the whole story when I was old enough. My mother had never been happy with him. She’d loved me, but with every day that had passed, she’d become more and more obsessed with money. It hadn’t been enough to be married to one of the most prestigious lawyers and businessmen in America—no, she’d wanted to get in the bed of that fraudster Grason. The man who’d forbidden her to see me or have any contact with my father. And when she’d agreed, that had been the end of any relationship between us.
That meant my father had gotten full custody and my mother had renounced all parental rights. When things had gotten weird was when we’d seen each other again. I had known that girl with the blond hair and blue eyes was my sister, and even if I’d wanted to pretend I didn’t care, at a certain point, I’d realized it meant something to me.
I had told my father, and he had been even more surprisedthan me. He’d asked me what I wanted to do. If I’d wanted to get to know her or have some kind of relationship with her, he’d promised to help.
Dad and I hadn’t been getting along great at the time. He’d gotten me out of jail twice, and I had been totally out of pocket. The pretext of helping me with Madison had gotten him what he wanted: to keep me on a short leash.
After months struggling with the lawyers, the judge had gotten me permission to see my sister twice a week, as long as I had her home by seven. Mom and I had no contact whatsoever—it was a social worker who brought Madison to me so I could pick her up and spend time with her. Because of the distance, I didn’t get to see her often, but at least twice a month, I’d take her out and enjoy the company of the only girl I’d decided to open my heart to.
That meant I had to give up the life I’d known before then. I had to go back home, return to college, and promise not to get wrapped up in any more problems. My father was unequivocal: if I screwed up, no more visits with Madison.
Mom and I didn’t see each other after the trial, but it was impossible to act like she didn’t exist. My sister talked about her all the time and told her things about me. That was the worst thing because it meant I could never really break off the relationship. The pain would always be there, hidden deep in my soul. In the end, she’d always be my mom.
Four and a half hours later, I stopped at the park where my sister always waited for me with the social worker. I made sure the present I had for her was visible in the passenger seat, and I got out, walking toward the fountain in the middle of the park, where there were kids running around and playing. I’d never been a fan of little kids, and I still hated how they were sowhiny and needy, but one of those whiny, needy little kids had captured my heart.
I couldn’t help smiling when I saw her little blond head from behind. Just then she was bending over the fountain, not in the least afraid of falling in.
“Hey, Maddie!” I shouted, getting her attention and watching her eyes swell as she saw me there, ten feet away. “You thinking of taking a dip?” I asked. A huge grin crossed her angel face, and she ran over toward me.
“Nick!” she shrieked as she reached me. I bent over and lifted her in the air. Her golden curls flew out, and her blue eyes, just like mine, gazed at me full of excitement. “You came!” She wrapped her little arms around my neck.
I hugged her tight. That little girl had my whole heart in her hands.
“Of course I came, it’s not every day a girl turns five years old. What do you expect?” I set her on the ground and placed a palm on top of her head. “You’re huge! How much have you grown? At least thirty or forty feet!” I said, seeing the pride on her face.
“More than that, more like ahundwed twenty!” she said, hopping up and down.
“Wow! Soon you’ll even be taller than me,” I said as the tall, tubby woman with the folder under her arm came over.
“What’s up, Anne?” I asked the woman overseeing my visits with my little sister.
“Getting by,” she said in her usual expressionless tone. “I’ve got tons of work today, so I’d be appreciative if you’d bring your sister back on time, not a minute earlier or later, okay, Nicholas? We don’t want a repeat of last time, do we?”
Last time, my sister had cried so much when I’d told her I had to go that I’d ended up an hour and a half late to my appointment with Anne. All hell had broken loose: she’d calledthe cops, Social Services…and I’d almost lost my right to even see Madison.
