Page 56 of Fragile Wicked Things
"Never," he said. "You must be hungry. Let me get you something."
After I ate, Edward spent the rest of the night sitting by my chair, stoking the fire, inquiring if I needed anything. We spoke little, me from weakness and, as for Edward, I suppose he feared angering me and making me go away again. That night, he did not ask about James, as though he never existed, as though he wasn't my husband or the father of my child.
When the sun crept into our room, its stream of light edging closer to us, Edward carried me upstairs into his bed in a room cloaked in darkness. Unraveling the blanket from me, he stared at my belly, kissed it, held it between his hands, and placed his ear to it, listening. In the dark, he promised he would be a good father and mumbled that he was being given a second chance. Later, much later, I understood it was his family he spoke about, the one he had before he turned.
Edward climbed into the bed with me, ran his fingers along my nakedness and searched out every part of my body, from my shoulder to my breast, my belly to my legs, and he stopped.
"What's this?" he asked, examining me further. "There's a mark." I winced when he touched it. "Did he strike you?" Edward looked at me, searching my eyes for an answer, and when I held my hand up to him, he noticed another welt around my wrist. He held my wound in his hands and kissed it. "Did he?" he said.
I hushed him. "He's gone," I whispered. "Don't talk any more of those days." I dashed away the tears from my eyes. Memories of James were torture to me and, so that Edward would know I was fine, I kissed him on the forehead, his eyelids, his cheeks.
We made love for the first time.
* * *
During my absence,Thornfield had not been cared for. Edward had fired the gardener and the house staff, keeping Giovanni with him. Giovanni confided in me that Edward never left Thornfield while I was gone, not even to go away for his business trips, but with my return, the trips started up again at the same frequency as before. On one particular weekend, not long after I had returned, he left, and Giovanni stayed behind as Edward had instructed. I took advantage of my time alone with Giovanni to find out all I could.
"He must have traveled to the city occasionally," I said.
"No," Giovanni insisted. "He never crossed the door of the house except at night. He was like a mad ghost walking outside and in the maze. He got rid of servants and said I have to cook. I said no! He said I have to clean. No! Wash clothes. No! No! No! He wanted no one around, grew savage after he lost the most precious..." Giovanni’s voice trailed off.
It was heartbreaking to know I had shattered Edward and that I was responsible for him living the life of a hermit, locked away, making Thornfield his coffin.
"What about business trips?" I asked.
"No need to go away. They came here to him. The last one, she scratched him. I fought to get her back in the carriage and take her home." Giovanni shook his head, remembering the details.
"She?"
Giovanni looked up at me, his face worried, his eyebrows knotted. "The wife of a businessman. She was angry...about the deal her husband entered into." At that point, he mumbled remembering something and left me in a hurry. I was happy he had lied to me, as I was more willing to accept a falsehood than the truth about how Edward survived. Oh, I had suspected, but knowing is something entirely different. Jane, you must understand that these women you’ve seen here, they are aware of his…peculiarities. It’s better for him to compel them during their time here so that they remember little of what transpired.
With Edward away, Thornfield felt lonely. I did all I could to pass the time—I revisited the classics in the library, enjoyed walks around the grounds, and even persuaded Giovanni to tidy the overgrown maze. Yet, nothing seemed to alleviate my loneliness.
When Edward did return, he seemed different; he had grown a little distant from me, and I thought it was because of the precarious situation he was in, wondering whether I would leave him again. I assured him I never would as I laid a thousand kisses on him. I kissed him about his face and reached for his hand, and when I went to kiss it, he pulled it away.
"Edward, you're hurt," I said.
"It's a small wound."
"What happened? It looks like a bite."
"Dog. Yes, a dog bit me."
"Have you seen a doctor? It could be serious."
He shrugged my concern off.
We had begun a new life together. The year ended, but what's more, the start of a new century filled us with thoughts of a new beginning, a rebirth, a future with much promise. We decided to leave Thornfield once our baby turned two. While it upset me to leave our home, I understood we had little choice. Edward was not aging, and friends were beginning to notice. He could keep the charade going for a little longer, but then we would need to move to another city and another a few years after that.
One evening after dinner, I lay on the sofa while Edward sat on the floor, knees bent, holding cards. He taught me a card game. I've forgotten which one, but I couldn't follow the rules anyway, so I laid down my cards, smiling.
"You call that a good hand?" said Edward.
"I had the most terrible teacher. Now, show me what you have?" He laid down his cards. "You cheated," I said.
"Do you accuse me of cheating simply for winning?"
"Did you win? I'm not sure you did, except that you say you have. This is all confusing, and I don't know how you men can play such a game night after..." A pain shot through me, and Edward reached out for me, knocking the small table over and scattering our cards to the floor.
