Page 91 of Summer, in Between
‘It’s not a once you’re out, you’re out, Cat.It’s ninety minutes away.’
‘Once I’m out, I’m definitely out.’
Paul stops and his arm drops from my shoulder.
‘That’s a bit full on, isn’t it?I know you have big plans, and that’s awesome, but it’s not all or nothing.You don’t have to turn your back on your whole life here, yeah?What about your family?What about me?You’re never going to come home again?’
‘Let’s just go.’I walk ahead, the sand shifting beneath my feet.
‘Seriously?You’re just going to walk away?’
‘Why are we even arguing about this?None of this is new to you.’
He walks to catch up.‘Cat, we’re not arguing.I’m just wondering where I fit into this future vision of your life.’
‘Well, I don’t know, really, do you?I mean, do you want to?Like when the summer’s over and I go back to school?’
‘Are you kidding me, Cat?For a smart girl you’re pretty freakin’ oblivious sometimes.You know how I feel about you.’He shakes his head, then grabs both of my hands and pulls me so we’re chest to chest.‘I’m not playing around here.I don’t want to say it but being with you is like having my skin stripped from my body.It’s like you can see all the way through me, and it scares the crap out of me, but man, all I want is to be with you.Not just now, not just this summer.We’ve been over this.This isn’t just summer holiday shit here between us, Cat.You know what I’m saying?I told you I love you and I freakin’ mean it.’
‘I didn’t plan for this, you and me.I’d planned nothing other than setting up my future, that and avoiding Nonna.You know what this year means to me, getting the marks I need, getting out of this place, it’s everything.’
‘I know that, Cat, and you’re going to smash it.You’re gonna get whatever you want.But you don’t even know what that is yet, which is how it should be.No one knows what the fuck they want half the time, especially at your age.’
‘I know exactly what I want,’ I say, shaking him off.I walk down the beach, feet sinking in the sand.
‘Do you even want to be a doctor?Or a lawyer?’
‘What are you talking about?’I say over my shoulder.
‘Stop, Cat.’He tugs my wrist.‘We’re talking here, don’t walk away.’
‘Fine.’I sit on the sand.
‘What’s with that don’t waste the marks stuff?You said that to your aunty.’He sits beside me; his mass is nothing but gentle patience.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’ll do well, that’s obvious, but how can you waste marks you don’t even have yet?Don’t you think you should do something you like, not something just because your score says you can?’
‘That’s missing the point,’ I shrug.‘I have to get good grades to get good options.Just because you were happy to settle for being a tradie doesn’t mean I’d be okay with whatever happens, happens.’
‘I didn’t have a freakin’ choice, Cat.My brother died.You think I could fuck off to the city and leave my parents?’
My mouth goes dry as what he’s said sinks into my thick head.
‘I didn’t mean settle.You’re an amazing builder, Dad loves working with you.’I wince at my condescension.‘I’m sorry, Paul.’
‘Of course I wanted to go.I wanted to leave long before my brother and all that shit, so I get it.I know this place is too small for you, Cat.I fucking get it.I’ll back you with whatever you go for.Whatever you need, I’ve got you.’
‘That’s easy now; it’s summer.What about when school goes back?I’ll be studying for five hours every night.Five hours, Paul.’It’s the first time I’ve even thought about the logistics of what Year Twelve will look like.I don’t even get home from school until after four.If I start homework at five, stop for whatever Mum or Dad burns for dinner, I’ll be still going at ten o’clock at night.And I’ll be studying all weekend, too.‘When do you think we’ll ever see each other?’
‘Babe, I do have a job.You know that, don’t you?’Paul says.‘Once I finish up with Mick and work goes back, I know we won’t see as much of each other as we have been, but I’ll take whatever I can get.’He lifts my chin and leans down to kiss me.It’s light and soft, nothing like how we kissed by the fire but with no less intensity.‘I’m not an idiot, Cat.I know this can’t last forever.Once you hit uni, you’ll have a new life and friends and all that.But can we worry about that when we get there?Until then, let’s just go for it.I’ve never felt like this about anyone.Let’s take it as far as we can for as long as we can.What do you think?You in?’
I rise to my feet, shaking more than a little, my throat thick.It’s going to hurt like hell walking away from this, from him.
‘I’m in.’
