Page 55 of Summer, in Between
‘Yes.’My voice is patchy and breathy, like he stole the oxygen from my lungs, and my thoughts crash, like my mind can’t keep up.‘Wait, so, you’re officially my boyfriend?’
‘Officially.Want me to sign something?Or should we just seal it with a kiss?’
‘Not yet,’ I say.‘I have another question.’
‘There’s a surprise.’He tugs me by the hand until we sit side by side on the sand.
‘You said you’ve been fighting in your own head, since New Year’s?’
‘Oh, that...’
‘Is it me?You think I’m stuck up too?’
‘What?No!’As easily as lifting a sheet of paper he moves me to sit on his lap.I’m eternally grateful for the darkness of the beach because in broad daylight...In my headband dress, as Dad called it...Let’s just say he’d have had a full, uninterrupted view of something that doesn’t need viewing.‘I mean, you sure as hell are far too good for this place, and for a shit-for-brains tradie like me, and you’ve got a temper on you that’s freakin’ terrifying, but the crap in my head is all me.Or it’s all you, but it’s not you.’
‘I know you’re speaking English here, but I have no idea what you’re saying.’The sand under my knees retains the day’s heat.I break the surface and the cool grains move under my fingernails.
‘There’s so much I want to tell you but there’s also so much that I don’t want you to know.’His hand leaves my hip and I feel rather than see his hand go up to rub his head.‘It feels so complicated when it should really be simple.’
‘Just tell me.’
‘Okay, here it is.’He pauses, his fingers twirling the ends of my hair.I wince as it pulls.
‘Hang on a tic.’I reach behind me and tug out the elastic, releasing the ponytail.He smooths my hair as it slides down my back.
‘None of this is helping me focus.’
‘Sorry, am I too heavy?’
‘Are you kidding?I have surfboards heavier than you.’His arms come around me and I’m sandwiched between his knees and his chest, his chin resting on my head.‘I know why I’ve been holding back, which really, I haven’t.I can’t get over how quickly I’ve felt so sure of this, of wanting to be with you.’
I run my hand up and down his forearm, my fingers encircling his wrist.
‘That’s one thing.The second thing is harder for me to get my head around, but do you ever feel trapped by other people’s crap?Like they can’t cope if you’re not a certain way?’
‘Have you met my Nonna?She’s nothing compared to school.Then there’s my parents, driving me crazy.’
‘Man, Cat, they just want what’s best for you.They want you to have options.I’m a chippy because the old man lined that up for me.I live here because this is where I’ve always lived.It’s not only that, but it’s also this life, the working, surfing, drinking, chicks, drugs, it’s all bullshit, and I’m just so sick of it.’He sighs heavily.‘The only thing that means anything in all of it is surfing and working, and even work, up until I met your old man, work was just something I did.Surfing is different, that feels like it’s the only good thing I do, for no reason, with no expectations, even though you think it’s for redneck, sexist racists.One day I’ll get you to understand that.’
‘Good luck with that one.’
‘What I’m trying to say, the reason I told you I wanted to do the whole friend zone, take it slow thing with you, was because you make me want to be better.I’m not such a dipshit that I know if I didn’t go that way I would’ve done something to mess it all up before it even started.’
‘So, we’re out of the friend zone?’
‘You are my girlfriend, remember?’He kisses me.Then again.Then again.And in between his kisses I wonder how it is even remotely possible that I live in a world where there aren’t fireworks being set off all over Batter’s Cove at this moment.
We’re interrupted by dull footfalls coming down the stairs at the top of the beach.From the Lifesaving Club’s flickering light, we see Isabel and a couple of girls are off their faces, stumbling, clutching each other and shrieking.
‘Want to skip the party?’Paul asks.
‘Sounds good.’I could lay in the dark like this forever; Paul’s chin resting on the top of my head, the soft skin of his bicep under my cheek, his hand trawling up and down my arm from my collarbone to my fingertips and back again, over and over.
‘Remember at the lookout, when I told you that last year I was in a bad place?’he asks.‘I freakin’ hated myself then.I think I hated myself right until the point where I went to your house that first time, hung out with you on your balcony, met your family.’
‘You mean when you ate all my avocado toast?That made you feel good about yourself?’
‘I literally stole food from the mouth of a babe.’
