Page 54 of Summer, in Between
‘Forget it.’I cross my arms to hug myself and keep walking, my gait clunky and ungainly as I sink into the sand.
‘Cat, wait,’ he says.‘I’m only playing around.What exactly are you asking me here?’
‘I’m...’I bite my lower lip and hug myself tighter.
‘You’re...’he prompts, taking a step towards me.
‘Here’s the thing,’ I say.‘You said “I’ve got you, Cat”.’I deepen my voice in a gruff imitation.
‘That’s what I sound like?’
I keep going, not wanting to lose my momentum, or more accurately, to not chicken out.‘You also said that about my brothers, and I don’t want to walk around thinking there’s something happening that’s not, but it feels like something’s happening, that’s not just you being the muscle who protects me from the dangers of Batter’s Cove to keep my dad happy.’I pause to take a deep breath.‘Is something happening, Paul, with you and me?That’s what I’m asking you.’
‘Cat.’My name rolls off his tongue slowly, and he runs a hand across his head.
‘I know you said friends, but I’ve got to tell you, this doesn’t feel like friends.’My legs are trembling; it’s like I have pre-exam jitters.‘Does this feel like friends to you?’
‘No, it doesn’t.’He comes to a stop, and crosses his arms, body turned towards the ocean.
‘Do you want to kiss me?’I swallow hard at the memory of our ‘just friends’ chat at the Gap lookout turning into the most incredible kiss of my life.I want more of that, even if it comes with a side of rejection.
‘Do you want to kiss me?’He looks at me sideways.
‘Not if you see me as just the boss’s daughter.Paul, is it all in my head?Can you answer me that?’
‘You are the boss’s daughter.’He puts an arm around my shoulder and propels me along the beach.
‘You still haven’t answered my question.’
‘That’s because I don’t have to.’
‘That’s not fair.’
‘I’m sure your parents and teachers have told you this, Cat, but life’s not fair.’
I stick my foot behind his ankle and expecting a mountain I use my whole weight to push against his chest.He yields so readily that gravity takes me with him and the next thing I know he’s flat on his back on the sand with me lying on top.
‘Jeez, Cat,’ he says, ‘buy me a drink first?’
I scramble to my feet, my hands pushing off his shoulders, trying not to think about how freakin’ good they feel.‘Don’t patronise me.I’m not up for being played with.’
He sits up and pushes off the sand to return to standing.‘Man, I knew I’d stuff this up.I’m not playing you, Cat, not by a long shot.I want to do the right thing by you.’
‘What does that even mean?’
‘I told you that day at the Gap lookout.It means I’m a selfish prick, really.There are a million guys out there that would be better for you than me, but, well, fuck them.Of course I want to kiss you.’
‘So just kiss me.’
He takes my face in his hands.He kisses my forehead, my nose and then tilts my head to kiss my chin.
‘That’s not what I meant.’
‘You’re so bossy.I’m getting there.’The crash of our lips leaves me suspended in the night sky, tethered to the ground by his hands on my face.If he let go, I’d either float into space or I’d crash to the sand, more than possibly with my eyes still closed and my tongue still hanging out.He breaks away and I desperately wish he hadn’t.
‘So, what is this?’
‘Thisis simple.Thisis something.Since I saw you at Sadie’s I’ve been fighting in my own head.I can’t stop thinking about that kiss at the Gap lookout.This is insane but...’Paul grabs my hand.‘Fuck all the reasons I shouldn’t say this, I want you to be my girlfriend.Is that clear enough for you?That’s what I want.But is that what you want?For us to be together?’
