Page 108 of Summer, in Between
‘If you hadn’t dumped me, you could have had him long before now.You might’ve worked out he’s different once he’s had his fun and grown bored.But you couldn’t get away from me quick enough, could you, Cat?’
‘Don’t put that on me.You didn’t want to know me after that summer.’
‘Keep telling yourself that story,’ she says.She bats her hand in the air.‘It’s ancient history.You think he loves you?Ha!You really think everything he’s said to you he hasn’t already said to every other girl he’s hooked up with?He knows what he’s missing while he’s hanging with you and now that he’s had hissacrednight it’s just a matter of time before he dumps you.’
‘That is the fucking funniest thing I’ve ever heard.We’re done here.Enjoy your sexually transmitted disease.’I turn to leave.
‘Again, you have the sacred and I have the disease.Nice one.You just think you’re so much better than everyone else on the planet, don’t you, Cat?’
‘Maybe not the planet, but I’m sure as shit better than you.’I walk out the toilet block shaking as she hurls insults at my back.
46
THE ocean is cold tothe point of painful.I float on my back, staring up and through the blue of the sky.There’s too much depth of colour; it hurts my eyes.I deep dive to the bottom, kicking hard to grasp a handful of sand.As I resurface, I let it trickle through my fingers until all that’s left is a layer of grit in the webs of my fingers.
How am I so naive?It’s no secret that Paul has the sexual history of a freakin’ rockstar, but even so, would he have actually been with Isabel freakin’ Dillon?That morning that I saw her, shivering in the toilets, she said she’d had the best night of her life.I didn’t believe her.I didn’t know what to make of what she was saying.I didn’t want to know.She’d entered a territory that felt dangerous, that we were too young for, that there was too much we didn’t know.I’d heard rumours of what happens at Gap parties when there’s only the Neanderthals left.But Isabel had scratches all over her legs, she was shaking, hugging herself.When I asked her if she was really okay, like really okay, she just yelled at me.Did Paul know about Isabel on the beach that night with his friends?Oh my god, was he there?
I can’t even think about that.But what about Isabel knowing all about us at Rip Bay?How could Paul be with me, kiss me goodnight at my house, tell me he loves me and then tell his mates the second after he took me home?Paul my boyfriend, Paul who played with my hair, Paul who sat at our family dining table, who freakin’ drove my Nonna home.MyPaul.The hottest of the hot.The beautiful, walking surfer god.King of the Neanderthals.Iknowthese guys.He’s just as much a misogynistic, lying, dipshit Neanderthal as the rest of them.
I let the waves push me towards the shore.I lie down on my stomach where the water barely ripples as it meets the sand.My body feels cold, but the sun is aggressive, its rays pulsing against my skin as if testing for pressure points.I rest my head on my folded arms.Up and down the beach, families are settling their belongings, erecting sun protection tents, shaking out beach towels, issuing instructions to their children.Above them at the lookout, the Neanderthals are gathered, looking out to the bombora where the surf is building.Right in the middle ismyNeanderthal.I roll over and stand.I run to where the ocean is deep enough to dive and I throw myself through a wave, washing all the sand from my body.
As I leave the water, I pull the elastic off my wrist.A deep, red imprint remains where it sank into my skin.I twist my hair into a top knot and secure it with two loops of the elastic.I pull my dress over my head.The fabric clings to my body as I gather up my stuff and head for the stairs.As I climb, Paul spots me, his face lighting up and showcasing his perfect, straight teeth.I lift my hand, my middle finger extended.His smile drops.
I move past the lookout at the top of the stairs, my legs pumping with every intention of walking past them, avoiding eye contact, going straight home.Paul’s coming towards me through the lookout.I push past him, but he grabs my arm and halts my escape.
‘What’s wrong?’he says.I shake my arm free.
‘So much for sacred.’I push my finger into his breastbone, my voice low and quivering, my teeth clenched.‘You repulse me.’
‘Trouble in paradise, Paulie?’smirks Tom.
‘Oh, fuck off, Tom,’ I say.
He backs away, his hands up in mock surrender.‘What have I done?’
‘Not just you.All of you.You’re all scum.And you?’I turn to Paul.‘You’re the worst.You’re just as vile as the rest of them.More so, because you pretend that you’re not.Or was that just so you could hook up with the Stuck-Up Bitch?’
