Page 100 of With Stars in Her Eyes
“That looks like a yes.”
“It’s not about what you think though.”
“I’m really not sure that matters. I decided a million years ago I wasn’t going to chase women who lie to me. I’m not going to be with people who lie to me. I’m definitely not going to be with people who hide who they really are from me.” I wiped stinging heat from my eyes.
What was wrong with me that it always ended up this way? Why did no one trust me enough to show me who they really are?
I needed to leave.
I was supposed to be breaking old patterns, and I’d fallen into the same traps as before.
“Thea. I really wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t figure out how. I didn’t think it would matter that I played with him.”
“Does everyone else in the neighborhood know?”
“No…” Courtney grimaced. “Well… Sam. And Abbott, I guess. Ms. Jeannie obviously. Sam’s grandpa knows and Mr. Greene, and I think Denise has guessed because the other day she asked me something about—”
“So basically,allthe people who have been watching me make a fool out of myself with you for months now probably knew you were keeping me in the dark about your shiny actual life you’re on vacation from.”
“Marshalldoesn’t know. At least I don’t think he does. It’s noteveryone.I’m just not telling people. And I don’thavea shiny real life. I didn’t have a personal life at all. I had a career. It ended, and I came here. I don’t tell people here about the other thing because—”
“I’m notpeople. You were the one who said… you said I knew you. Do you understand how that seems like a line now? That can’t have been true.” My eyes burned. “And then last night I said…shit…because I thought you wanted to know me too, and—”
“I do.”
I shook my head. “I have to go.”
“I lied aboutonething. It’s not… it’s not what you think…” Courtney scraped her fingers through her hair. “It’s embarrassing and complicated and has to do with my childhood and how I didn’t want you to see me differently.”
“Because nothing that I said to you in the last few months was embarrassing or complicated?”
Courtney squeezed my shoulder. After a split second of letting myself feel the warm, intense pressure of Courtney’s fingers, I shook her off.
“I thought last night was one of those magical nights of radical honesty that catapult you into something special, something more real than anything else I’ve ever…damn it.”
“Itwas.”
“I thought it was one of those complete baring of souls moments.”
Courtney’s shoulders slumped as she let her hand drop. “I thought it was too. I texted him last night I was done. That’s why it didn’t matter. I’m quitting.”
My mouth fell open. “You made that life-altering decision right in front of me, and you still think all those omissions wouldn’t feel like lies when I found out?”
Courtney opened her mouth and then shut it. She had frozen again.
“I was trying to help you. I thought that’s what we were doing last night—helping you figure out a way to get over the PTSD and get back up onstage.” I leaned my forehead on the cool window frame. “I’veheardyou play. Your soul’s in your music, and you hid that from me. Ididn’tmeet your soul. It was all hints and misdirection and trying to make me believe you were this quiet, shy bookseller who used to play in an orchestra and sing at church with stage parents. That day you left… oh my god, you were filmingThe Tonight Show,weren’t you? You were in the back, but I saw the clips online. Even with the wig and the sunglasses…God, I should’ve seen it.”
“Fuck.” Courtney took a step closer to me but didn’t touch me. “So you’ve…” Courtney’s voice was almost childlike now. “You’ve reallyheardme play as—?”
“Yes. I’ve listened to your music since college.” My hand curled into a tight fist and braced on the window. “So, I know how much what you do and who you are matters. Which makes it clear that the only person I got to know over the last few months is your goddamn secret identity. Like—like—like fucking Spider-Man or something. I met Peter Parker. And I refuseto be Mary Jane. Because for starters, she has a stupid name, and I don’t have red hair. And did you know she dies in the comic books?”
Courtney’s snort at my sudden, completely inappropriate to the tone of the moment joke broke the tension with a sound so adorable it almost made me want to jump back into bed and follow through with my original plan for the morning, ultrafamous, unexpected visitor be damned. “I—I swear I’m not jumping off buildings at night and can’t shoot webs.”
“Hey, Courtney?” Samantha’s muffled voice called down the hallway. “Demetrius made me worried you were dead, so I came over for a wellness check. I… I’m thinking you’re fine… but maybe need a few minutes, so I’m going to make him coffee. Take your time.”
“Oh, hell to the no. Y’all have lost your ever-loving minds if you think I’m…” I lifted myself onto the window.
Courtney was still just wearing nothing except that bra-and-boy-shorts underwear combo that had always driven me wild on women, but she had pulled a blanket around her shoulders.
