Page 71 of With Stars in Her Eyes
“Fine. Let’s focus on why I’m here. I think you know why.”
“Literally no idea why you’re here, and don’t care. You need to leave. Now. Someone’s going to be here—”
“No, they won’t. I asked at the front desk. They said after the first day you haven’t taken calls from anyone. You said you didn’t want visitors. Typical to avoid the people you hurt with your behavior.” The facade of charm in his smile was broken by a derisive huff of air. “So my publicist sent me your little album.”
I froze.
“The songs are cute.” The wildness behind his eyes locked all my muscles in rigid readiness. “But you spinning the narrative of our marriage like that… it’s pretty pathetic. Pathetic. And risky.”
“It’s not a narrative. It’s what happened.”
“There’re two sides to every story and you know that. Especially after your little episode onstage, who is going to believe you? Addicts hurt people. Your father’s congregation here was a lot more forgiving after his little drug-fueled indiscretions than the public will be.”
“It was a migraine.”
“There are always excuses. Your dramatic whining about your health. But Iknowwho you really are. And it’s really hard to hide the laziness and the drama forever.”
“You never knew me. I was basically an exploited child when we met, and you took advantage of—”
“I tried to take care of you. It’s not my fault you quit school. You could’ve said no then, but you quit, and then blamed me that you weren’t there when Demetrius got his big break.”
“No.”
“You were stuck in self-pity and guilt and then you shut down. God even tried to give us another chance with that baby, and you threw that away too—”
“You’re delusional. Actually delusional.”
“When we met, youlovedto tell me how sick of the spotlight you were. How sick of being the little pop-star princess your parents wanted you to be. I invited you on my tour. I gave you a home. I did everything for you. But it wasn’t enough. Then everyother choice you made since leaving our marriage was just you trying to crawl back into the spotlight again.That’sthe part that’s really addictive for you, isn’t it? Especially when you don’t have anything else. Or anyoneelse in your life to make your life truly meaningful.”
“I wanted to perform on my own terms. I’ve been doing it for over ten years.”
“And as always you’re willing to betray anyone who’s standing in your way?” He flung out his hands, and I shifted backward in the hospital bed. “Dove, you’resolost right now. It breaks my heart to see you looking so lost.” He had turned on the voice he used at his concerts and during church services. The voice that coaxed his audiences into something they thought was a spiritual encounter but was really just a dopamine-induced euphoria created by the key change and lighting. All people who work in the church know that dopamine turns into dollars.
“Leave me the hell alone.”
“They’re all going to find out who you really are eventually. I just hope Demetrius isn’t the one hurt when it happens. He seems like a nice enough guy, especially with what he used to get up to at school.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about all the stuff you left at my house when you ran away the first time. Photos and letters. Demetrius had some interesting friends back then. And some very interesting habits.”
“What?Demetrius is the best person I know.”
“Oh, Dove. You know the way these things can be spun.” He passed over a photo. It was from when we played some large event for the Yale yacht club. It showed three people, including the student president of the organization who had ended up getting indicted several years back for some kind of white-collar crime and later was found to be responsible for some serial assaults on campus. It’d been a well-publicized case, and the angle of the photo looked more like Demetrius and I were partying with him rather than playing in the orchestra at the stodgy event.
“No one’s going to—”
“You think that’s all I have?”
I stared back at him, trying not to hyperventilate. I had no idea what I’d left with him.
“Are you willing to risk Demetrius’s career on the idea that whatever I have won’t be enough to cause a stir? Doesn’t take much these days…” He surveyed me. “You’re considering it. This is exactly what I meant.”
“No, I was just—”
“Everyone you think you love will always come second to your music. They’ll realize you’re the same selfish teenage brat who was ungrateful to everyone else in your life and the opportunities they gave you, who then threw away your family when you felt like it. Just like you threw away our marriage.”
“They didn’t want me to beme. This is me.” I gestured to myself. “Kestrel is me.”
