Page 59 of With Stars in Her Eyes
Be still my fucking fluttering heart.
I was in trouble.
I was also suddenly aware of the contrast between what I was wearing and Thea’s outfit. Despite being in my early thirties, I never quite learned how to dress. Background musicians took their cues from the lead musician of whatever band they were playing in, but I could get away with a lot onstage. Offstage? I was clueless. Today I wore my usual uniform of thrift clothes I’d found on my travels: an old concert hoodie and favorite vintage Levi’s. But it probably wasn’t very photogenic. Thea’s version of artsy looked so much more intentional and put together than anything I ever wore to work.
I gestured to my clothes. “Can I wear this? Like is it okay for the photo?”
“Absolutely.” Thea grinned approvingly before grabbing another book. “As long as it feels truly you.”
I did not know how it felt to “feel truly yourself” other than when I was in the recording studio or onstage performing. Somewhat ironic since I had adopted a stage name and persona whose main function was being literally unidentifiable.
Some days I felt like I had never been anyone else except Courtney Starling, the mousy, quiet bookseller in Kansas. My brain had walled off the other part of my life, making those memories feel like a wild fever dream rather than the reality of how I had spent most of the last decade. The closer I was to being physically ready to go back to that life, the further away I felt from it. Especially if me quitting that life for good would prevent other people from getting hurt.
Maybe being here—being entirely here—was the way forward.
A palm waved in front of my face. Lighting from the window glinted off silver rings, reminding me of when we had watched the thundersnow.
“You glitched. Haven’t done that for a while.” Thea sucked on her bottom lip. And I had a weird urge to coax that small section of her lip out with my tongue.Totally normal.
“Sorry—”
“Don’t apologize. I think the whole ‘truly you’ thing was a lot. It’ll be fun. Just come tonight. I’ll show you mine first.”
Had my brain reached a level of sexual frustration whereeverythingThea said sounded sexual or was this just the way Thea spoke?
I needed to go to the grocery store. I needed to clean my entire little rental house and change the sheets. I needed to get my shit together before Thea came over tomorrow night. But sure, I could stop by and get my aura photographed first.Why not?
CHAPTER 20Thea
“Hello?” A velvety voice called out from the main room of my studio. I pushed open the door to my makeshift darkroom, realizing that the sun was so low in the sky that the room was pitch-black. It probably seemed like I was trying to lure her into a trap or something with how dark it was.
“Hey.” The light from the repurposed janitor’s closet illuminated Courtney’s apprehensive face. She looked as adorable as ever in the unzipped hoodie and jeans she had been worried were too casual earlier. My attention on her clothes reminded me I’d stripped down to a tight camisole, no bra beneath, because it had been boiling up here. Okay, now this really seemed creepy. I asked her to meet me in a darkroom, and when she showed up, I decided to have my nips on display.
Not exactly the classiest start to Operation WOO.
“I’m so sorry it’s a million degrees in here. I think the building manager hasn’t quite caught up that it’s not cold as a witch’s tit outside anymore.”Oh, why did I saytit?Now I just drew more attention to the whole nipples-out situation. “I—uh—have the windows open though. Now it’s not pouring practically sideways anymore.”
Courtney pulled off her rain-damp hood. “It’s supposed to stop storming soon. It’s been so dark all day.”
“Let me turn on a light, so you can see better.” With one hand covering my cleavage so I didn’t give her a full show, I leaned down and flipped on the antique lamp I picked up last week.
“Holy shit. Wow.” Courtney’s attention, thankfully, wasn’t on my chest. She was scanning the space.
Her awe filled me with pride. The main room was a dreamy dark blue and purple with gold accents and full of astrological imagery. I’d put up a lot of things from my old apartment that did not fit with the bachelor pad vibe of Marshall’s condo. I wanted to infuse the storage space with some magic so I would be excited to work up here.
“I can’t believe this is the same room from a month ago.” Courtney loosed a low whistle. “You did all this yourself?”
“Marshall helped some too.” I straightened a framed photo on the wall and then gestured to the open area where there was a backdrop. “I’m thinking about seeing if Denise wants me to use it to take photos of her clients’ tattoos. Basically, just brainstorming ways to use it to pay for the rent for it eventually because I’ve fallen in love with it.” She wrinkled her nose. “I think the smell’s gone too. Good.”
“The smell?” Courtney inhaled.
“I was using incense the last few days, but given your whole migraine thing, I borrowed Marshall’s mini air purifier he takes on the road with him. Works pretty well actually.” When I turned back, an odd expression shadowed Courtney’s features before she turned back to me, her smile back in place.
“It just smells good in here—like you, I mean your perfume or whatever. Not that I’m…” Courtney trailed off with her cheeks pinker than before.
She thinks I smell good?
“Oh my god.” Courtney crossed the room to a gold circle that was on a high shelf. “Is that an astrolabe?”
