Page 136 of With Stars in Her Eyes
In thirty more minutes, I had everything I needed.
I grabbed the megaphone and channeled all the behind-the-scenes documentaries I had ever watched. “I think we got it. That’s a wrap, folks.”
Cheers came up from everywhere. After I put my camera back in its case, Courtney caught me in an earth-shattering hug. “You are incredible.”
“Thank you.” I grinned. “I really think it’s going to be good. I have a feeling.”
The lights came back on, but somehow Courtney’s pride shone even brighter. “Me too, Thea.”
I followed Courtney out to the roof deck where she spread a picnic blanket.
“I’m going to murder you if you don’t just tell me what you keep tantalizing me about.”
Courtney grinned. “I made a choice I want to tell you about. But first I have to apologize for everything—”
“You already have.”
“I know, but I understand why I fucked everything up before now. When I get scared, I hide. And I don’t mean that figuratively. It’s a little embarrassing. And the problem is when I’m hiding, I have trouble figuring out what I want.”
“That makes sense.”
Courtney wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “But youknowwhat you want. You always seem to know what you want.”
“I guess that’s true.”
“You were talking about how you tried things and then quit them when they weren’t right for you. I could not fathom how you could justknowthat. I have spent so much of my life masking I can’t even always trust myself to know how I feel about things and what I want.”
“Whatdoyou want?” I rested my head on her shoulder.
“I don’t like performing at big venues. I don’t like smoke machines and strobe lights. I don’t want to try to achieve anything near the kind of fame that Demetrius has. The idea of that many people knowing who I am makes my skin crawl. I want to tour and perform and record, but I want to do it for shorter periods of time. I want to have an actual home somewhere where I feel peaceful.”
“Really?”
Courtney nodded. “So I guess I want to come up with a plan for that.”
“You should. And you should probably text me about it.”
Courtney twisted to face me. “You’re sure you’re ready… you’re sure you trust me enough? I don’t want to make you more anxious while I’m still on tour.”
I smiled. “I trusted you enough to send you that papaya, didn’t I?”
“Well, I guess if you trust me enough to let me text you now, maybe I should tell you something else.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
“Courtney—”
“I should have told you before I even left Kansas because I knew it then. It’s probably crummy I’m telling you that when I still have to be gone for most of seven more months with my contract, and you have a life and a career you’re building back in Kansas, but I want you to know that the only way I picture coming home now involves coming home to be with you.”
“That’s really what you want?”
“I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted anything more. I’ve been dreaming about it since I left.”
“Seven months…”
“I know it’s a lot, but—”
