Page 112 of With Stars in Her Eyes
“Okay…” After a moment, she took the coffee from my hand and took a long sip. The gesture was so intimate and girlfriendy that I could have broken down crying with relief right then and there. “Well, then I think there’s time for this.”
I braced for the storm. I would deserveallof it, for sure. But I knew it would hurt anyway. I had just enough of an evangelical instinct toward self-flagellation that I focused all my attention on her gold and chocolate irises.
Thea blew out a breath. “First, I wanted to apologize.”
“Tome?” My head shook in a gesture of shock mixed with disbelief.
Where was the yelling? Where was the making me feel guilty for my mistake? Where was the punishment I deserved for fucking up so badly?
“Yes.”
“No…” I shook my head. “I’mthe one that should apologize. I should’ve told you about my career.”
“You sure as all heck should’ve, but that doesn’t excuse me climbing out of your bedroom window like I was a teenage vampire.”
My chuckle might have sounded more like a whimper. “In your defense, I do find your personality very sparkly. And I’m pretty sure the bigger issue was him climbinginthe teenage girl’s room when he was about a hundred years—”
“Courtney.” Thea glared. “I’m serious.”
“You brought upTwilight.”
“Sorry for the distraction from my apology.”
“Accepted.” I angled my body toward hers. God, eye contact with Thea felt so much softer than with most people. “But I stilldon’t think you need to apologize for anything. Leaving was a reasonable reaction. I wish I had told you everything.”
A brittleness appeared behind Thea’s calm exterior. “Why didn’t you? I mean…” Thea scratched at the printed label on my coffee cup she was still holding. “I get that there’s probably a longer conversation there that we don’t have time for right now, but…” Something glistened in the corners of her eyes. That luster of heartbrokenness had my stomach feeling like a cartoon character being wrung out to dry. “I don’twantto think that anything about the last few days—the last few months really—was a lie. But it made me feel like it was… But I also didn’t give you a chance to explain and that wasn’t fair.” Her bottom lip trembled as it pushed outward. All her dimples were set at new angles I didn’t like at all as she looked away from me.
I grabbed her hand and touched her face, guiding her eyes back to mine with a delicate pressure along her cheek that produced a shuddering breath. “None of that was a lie. The more I think about it, I don’t think anything I told you last nightwasa lie. I can be really literal sometimes, and I thought I had lied when I told you my biggest fear, but… Now I’m not sure.”
“All the omissions though.”
“I get why they might be unforgivable. I really do. But besides the specific omissions about Kestrel, which I’m still so sorry about, it really wasn’t my conscious intention to keep anything from you.” I pushed a swath of wild hair out of her face.
She closed her eyes and caught my hand in hers. “I don’t understand how that could possibly be true.”
“It… it’s…” My hand slid away from hers to dig into a spot of tension at the center of my forehead.
“But I do think you deserve a chance to explain more fully, so we can think about what this means for…” Thea didn’t finish the sentence, but we both knew what word she wasn’t saying.
Us.
What my boneheaded deceptions meant for me and her ever being an “us” ever again.
This wasn’t what I was expecting, but the rush of relief was better than last night’s adventure with mushrooms.
“Thank you.” Careful of the coffee, I pulled her into my arms. Over Thea’s shoulder, movement caught my attention, Sam trying to communicate through a series of gestures that would more easily get her arrested than a victory in charades. Still, I raised my voice so my best friend could clearly hear me, giving Thea a little wink to indicate the audience behind her. “So, I’m going over to Sam and Abbott’s tonight for drinks and dessert after the book fair. Want to come with me? Demetrius will be there. Sam was going to ask you, but she didn’t want you to feel pressure. It’s not a big deal though.”
Thea’s knowing smirk in response made everything inside me go as gooey and sweet as whatever dessert we would be having tonight. “I’dloveto come have dessert.” Thea matched my volume without turning around.
Sam pretended to applaud and then pointed to her wrist and a hurry-up motion. Thea seemed amused by whatever was happening on my face as I watched the pantomime.
“I think we’re late.”
Thea whipped around, catching Sam’s movements this time. “So, can I bring anything, Samantha?” she asked, stifling her laughter at Sam’s flailing shift out of interpretive-gesture mode.
Blushing, Sam shook her head. “No. Abbott was baking all yesterday. We’re set.”
“More procrasti-baking?” I asked.
