Page 83 of With Stars in Her Eyes
Thea chuckled. “Butyou’rethe musician. I’m just a photographer.”
“Justan award-winning photographer.”
“Mostly award losing, remember?”
“That’s not the way awards work.”
“Fair enough.” Thea fell silent as she set up the rest of her equipment. As she had predicted, there were a few other people scattered all over the area, but none were close enough to interfere with the shots and all seemed to want to keep the area as dark as possible.
“You ready?”
“I think so, since I don’t have to actually do anything.”
“True. You just sit there and look pretty without even trying. It’s genuinely unfair.”
I bit my lip.
“Stop blushing. It will mess up the photo.”
“Really?” My eyes widened.
“No, of course not.” Thea’s playful expression made my muscles relax.
“You’re an asshole. I was worried for a half a second.”
“Stop making such adorable expressions all the time, and I’ll stop teasing you.”
Once Thea turned off the extra light, I couldn’t see her face anymore. But even in the short time I had known her, I was pretty sure I could perfectly visualize the wicked, poly-dimpled smile in her voice.
I scanned flecks of light across the indigo sky. “Do you have a favorite star?”
“Rigel.”
“That was a quick answer.”
“The answer hasn’t changed in thirty years, from when I first saw it through a fancy telescope when I visited my grandfather at work.”
“Why that one?”
“It’s blue and incredibly beautiful. It was the first star I found on my own when I learned how to use a telescope. The first star I ever got a decent photograph of. It was the star I was going to study for my master’s thesis if I didn’t quit graduate school. It’s probably the brightest star, but it’s hard to study.”
“Why didn’t you study it?”
“My grandfather died when I was about to start grad school. I just lost the heart for it. I’ve quit a lot of things in my life because I rush into them too quickly and then burn out or realize that it’s not really right for me. Or I get scared I’ll suck at it and quit before I have to confront the fact that I never was good enough to do the thing in the first place. I quit preemptively.”
It was silent except the breeze and the echoes of distant voices for several long minutes.
“I’m sorry. That was a lot.” Thea’s voice was quieter than usual.
“No, I’m sorry you lost someone like that. And I’m glad you gave me the real answer.”
“Guess I trust you.”
“I’m glad.” I swallowed against a thickness forming in my throat. “I know it’s weird when people say ‘I get it’… but in this case I get it, I think. The whole quitting-before-you-can-fuck-it-up thing.”
“Is that whatyou’redoing with performing…?”
“Oh… um…” My eyes closed.
