Page 127 of With Stars in Her Eyes
“Can you read this and tell me if it’s okay?”
Sam frowned. “Courtney, I’m sure it’s fine, and I don’t think I—”
“Please.”
“Okay. Fine.” Sam unfolded it, read for a moment, then smirked. “Madam, huh?”
I covered my face. “Shush. Just read on and tell me if it’s stupid or if you think it will violate her ‘not now’ boundaries, whatever they might be.”
When Sam finished reading, her eyes sparkled as she refolded the letter.
“Is it… okay?” I grimaced.
“It’s perfect.” Sam put the book back into the brown bag. She swept me up in a thorough hug. “I’ll bring it to her at lunchtime.” Her attention shifted out the window as if she were considering walking over to Squid sooner rather than later. “Oh, I thought Demetrius had already left?”
“I did too? Hasn’t he been staying with you and Abbott the last few nights?”
She shook her head. “He didn’t stay with me ever. The night after the book fair he said he ran into a wounded puppy and had to help, so he would be finding other accommodations for the night. I figured he had been staying with you since.”
I squinted out the window. “Nope.”
“But maybe… hmm…” A strange twinkle appeared in Sam’s eyes. “Interesting.”
Demetrius and Marshall stood on the steps of the pub. They were both so tall you couldn’t miss them in the morning sunlight. “Why interesting?”
One of Sam’s eyebrows arched. “Just a feeling. Why don’t you go talk to him and find out when they need you in Nashville.” She touched the bag with the soup and letter again. “I won’t forget.”
CHAPTER 46Thea
I shed my robe and lowered myself into the tub. The book and whatever Courtney had stuck into it were perched on the sink ledge.
I wanted to be alone when I read it, whatever it was. Despite the summer heat, I had been cold all day and not just because of the blasting air conditioning at Squid. I didn’t think I could face reading what Courtney had written until I was submerged in water that was just a little too hot for my skin’s liking.
What if Courtney had taken mynot nowto meannot worth it?
What if I had finally made a boundary like this and slowed down to do things right and this was the time it would bite me right in the buttocks?
As I opened the book too quickly, a note fell out. I caught it just before it hit the water and then scrambled to ensure that it didn’t get wet.
I dried my hands and drank in the words she had written for me.
Dear Thea,
I know you talked about texting making you feel anxious. I feel like I’ve already given you enough anxiety over the last few months, so I didn’t want to add to that. If receiving this letter is also making you upset, you really don’t have to read it. Part of me wanted to start out this letter by writing “Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing… etc., etc.” But then I was worried you wouldn’t remember that scene fromPride and Prejudiceand would just think I was a fucking weirdo who wanted to use ten-dollar words and call you “Madam” for kinky reasons. Which, maybe you do anyway.
I made a drowned sort of snort which just made me realize I was crying again. Crying and laughing at the same time.
Anyway, I really enjoyed this book, but it’s been sold out at the bookstore for a while. We finally got the next shipment in from the publisher, so I wanted you to have a copy.
If you would rather I didn’t write you letters, I understand. Just send me a text or an email or some morse code or even arrange a carrier pigeon to shit on me or something and I’ll stop. But if it is okay, I might write you sometimes. There are so many moments during the day when I wish I could tell you something. I know that might not be okay, and I want to respect your boundaries.
I’m probably already gone when you’re reading this. I didn’t want to interrupt your day. (Not because I’m protecting you, but because I wasn’t sure exactly where we left things and what would make things easier for you.) But just know I was thinking about you when I left. Thank you for encouraging me to go on tour and try again. It wasn’t fair for me to use what we had as an excuse to be more scared. If anything, I should have been braver because you are such a brave person.
I’m sorry for not being honest with you. You deserved better. I’ll be watching for that carrier pigeon and wearing hats as often as possible just in case.
Hopefully soon to be yours,
Courtney
