Page 118 of With Stars in Her Eyes
“I—”
I had been scared of Thea seeing behind the curtain because I had spent too long thinking of myself as a fractured disaster, but that was a lie I was tellingmyself.
All my different spheres and eras didn’t make a patched-up disaster of a person. I was whole because of everythingandin spite of everything I had been through. My biggest fear about falling in love was that all I had to offer anyone were broken pieces.
But underneath the costumes and the stage names, Courtney Starlingalwayshad a whole, fiercely beating heart.
And all of it already belonged to Thea.
Because I was in love with her.
“Iwouldgive it up, my career, and everything else if I needed to for the people I love. I love Thea, and if she needed me to give it all up, I would. It wouldn’t even be a tough choice.”
“But the people you love would never ask you to, Courtney.” The sudden coldness in Thea’s voice had me spinning around so fast I nearly tripped over a tree root.
“Thea—”
“I think I’ll let you talk it out, then, darlings. See you at Sam’s.” Demetrius scampered off faster than I had ever seen him walk.
Coward.
Thea’s arms crossed over her chest. “I really don’t appreciate you making me the scapegoat for quitting.” Her voice was cool, eyes nearly black in the growing dim.
“Iwasn’t. I’m so sorry. You heard the worst part of that conversation. I just figured something out.”
“I heard you telling Demetrius that you don’t think I would support your dreams.”
“I know itsoundedlike that, but I swear it wasn’t—”
“Stop.”
I nearly laughed again at the absurdity of this. It was comical how close I had come to fixing things right before screwing them upagain. “You said you hate the miscommunication trope, so if you just let me explain—”
“I said stop.” Thea leveled me with a gunmetal glare. “I want an honest yes or no answer to this. Were youjustnow in that single conversation with Demetrius using our relationship as an excuse to quit something that you actually want to do?”
Fuck.
“Yes.”
“Then tell Samantha I’m sorry, but I can’t come over tonight because—”
“But I—”
“Good god, Courtney. I’mgoingto let you explain, but what I was going to say is that I’m too tired tonight. My brain has whiplash from all these emotional moments with you in the last twelve hours. I’m going to go home and see my best friend who’s dealing with a crisis of his own. I just need a little time. I think I deserve that.”
“You do.” My throat was so thick with anxiety I could barely swallow. “I’m so sorry, Thea.”
“I believe you are.” Thea swept her hair out of her face. “Today has just been too much.”
“I know. And it’s all my fault.”
“And if we’re actually going to communicate about this andnotmiscommunicate, I need to be less fucked up about it and less tired.”
I nodded.
Thea turned and walked down the sidewalk toward the parking lot behind Squid.
No heartbreak had prepared for me the agony of hearing that single repressed sob escaping Thea right before she turned the corner.
