Page 51 of Fun at Parties
Once we’re on the road, Denver quickly fades into long stretches of rural highway. “Boring,” said the cashier at one of the shops I visited yesterday when I asked what this route was like, a direct line east to the college town of Lawrence, near the Missouri border. But there is something beautiful about the expansive horizons, with wheat fields going on forever and clouds like brushstrokes overhead.
Nate’s grip on the steering wheel is loose, and I catch him tapping his thumb to the beat of the Lorde song playing from the speakers. I guess overnight he worked through the awkwardness between us. That should be a relief, but it rankles.Ihaven’t worked through it.
We’ve agreed to play a round of road trip bingo to determine which of us gets to challenge the other today. Over the next few hours, as we cross eastern Colorado and the Kansas border, we check off squares when we spot tractors, cows, tow trucks. We’ve each got a row of four squares crossed out, so the next few minutes are key, but I’m struggling to pay attention. He unscrews the capon a bottle of iced tea, and the muscles in his forearm flex the same way they did when he touched me two nights ago.
Jesus. I can’t get turned on by the way this man opens a Snapple.
Help, I text Michelle.I hooked up with Nate and it was amazing and I made it clear to him that I’d very much like to do it again even though it can’t go anywhere. Then I left the ball in his court and nothing’s happened since and I CAN’T HANDLE IT.
Michelle:NATE! Wait, why isn’t it going anywhere? Have you decided you can’t be in a relationship because of the new personality Tracy is drafting for you? Because that’s a terrible reason.
It’s hard to believe Tracy would actually discourage me from doing something that makes me happy, but shehasdedicated a lot of time to my rebrand. It wouldn’t be the most convenient thing for her to have to scrap it all because Single Girl Quinn isn’t single. But this is all hypothetical. Nate and I have more tangible problems.
Quinn:For one thing, he’s moving back to NJ.
Michelle:And long-distance has already been ruled out?
It feels a little creepy to chat with Michelle about a serious relationship with Nate when he may not even want to make out again, but okay, sure.
Quinn:I’m trying to get more excited about my life in L.A., not less.
Michelle:Hmm. Well, I don’t know that hooking up with him again is going to help you meet that goal. But also,life is a slog interrupted by brief moments of joy, and this sounds like a joyful interruption. So.
Quinn:Wow. So inspirational. How is the slog, anyway?
Michelle:If Tracy comments one more time on the fact that I’m wearing a full-length shirt instead of a sports bra, I’m going to scream.
Quinn:She did it again?
Michelle:Every. Day. “Michelle in a tank top.” I’m so done with her.
Jeez. That’s not okay. I always chalked up Michelle’s dislike of Tracy to personality differences. Tracy’s commanding, uncompromising energy probably comes off as domineering to someone like Michelle, who has decades of experience and once ran her own studio. She doesn’t need a heavy hand. But I’m starting to realize Michelle may have a point.
Still, Michelle’s “I’m so done with her” gnaws at me. She can’t be serious. She wouldn’t leave CycleLove.No onewho wants to be in the cycling business would leave a job like this voluntarily. But what else can she be thinking? We’re in Kansas by the time I give up on figuring it out.
“Bingo.” Nate points at a barn in the distance.
I pull the game back up on my phone to confirm. “Well, shit.”
“You made it pretty easy for me,” he says. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, sorry. Just work stuff.” He frowns, and I wedge my phone between my thighs. “What’s my punishment?”
He clucks his tongue. “Not punishment.Challenge.And your challenge is…to tell me everything you’d want to tell Tracy if you didn’t have to worry about her reaction. Until you see another item from your bingo sheet.”
My teeth grind as I clench my jaw. I don’t know why I agreed to play this game again. He knows all my sore spots.
I clear my throat. “I would tell her that I’m grateful for everything, and I know her job is hard.”
He cocks his head. “Really?”
“I’m warming up.” Contemplating his question makes my chest tighten and my skin itch. I exhale. “Okay. I’d tell her I was hurt when she asked me to use the Caleb situation for content. She knew I was struggling. She sent me on this trip. She’s supposed to care. But she asked me to do something I didn’t want to, and she knew I’d say yes because I always do, and that feels shitty.”
I tuck my foot under me and sit up straighter. “I’d tell her Michelle thinks she creates a toxic workplace, and sometimes she makes it hard to argue with that. It’s not even about Caleb anymore. I don’t care about him. But I don’t feel good about what she wants me to do. I mean, what about the woman with cancer?”
Nate looks confused. “What woman with cancer?”
In halting words, I explain what Summer posted on my behalf. It sounds even worse when I say it out loud.
