Page 42 of Fun at Parties
He nods, and my foolish ideas about the two of us disintegrate like a dead flower in the wind. I spent all day struggling to keep my feelings for him under control,trying not to picture a future where something, anything, happens between us. And the whole time, he knew that future was impossible.
The gentler his eyes feel on me, the more information I know he’s coaxing out of my expression. I look away. A bee lands on the biggest dahlia bloom in the bed, and I force myself to focus on it, wrangling my mouth into a neutral position. “Pretty big detail to leave out.”
He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “At first I was afraid of what you would say. I’ve only told a couple people—Blake, Ravi. It’s embarrassing to talk about wanting something I don’t deserve, especially when it’s something that’s huge to me but probably seems like nothing to other people. It’s hard to talk about with anyone, let alone you, given how pissed you were at me.”
“I was civil in Tahoe!” I protest. “Any anger I may or may not have been feeling was stored privately in my brain.”
He shoots me an amused look. “You think your thoughts very loudly.”
I huff. “Well.”
“I wanted to tell you in Vegas, but it never felt like the right time. I didn’t want to add to your stress about work and Caleb.”
I shake my head. “Don’t worry about me. Tell me more about your plans.”
His eyes go distant. “I’ve never had a clear idea of where I wanted to build my life. I like California, but not so much that I’m determined to stay there. My friends are scattered around the country, so that doesn’t guide meone way or another. But this. When they said they were going to start looking for buyers after the summer? I knew I had to do it.”
He’s right. Ofcoursehe has to do it. Nothing has ever been as perfect for him as this opportunity. “You’ll be closer to Blake,” I say as the bee loops around to an orange flower. “And Bailey and Sam. Your mom will be thrilled. And, Nate, you do deserve it. It is important. Every kid in Seapoint will love summer because of you.”
He toys with the drawstrings on his sweatshirt. “It’s going to be expensive. I have plans for financing it, with this banker the Stantons know. The camp is profitable, but there’s still risk. The locker rooms could use a renovation, and I want to overhaul the old fitness center for parents to use after drop-off. The whole business needs a major technology upgrade.”
By the time he’s done describing his vision, the bee is long gone and it’s dark. The gardens are closing soon. It’s turning windy, and each time the crisp air blows I catch a whiff of roses.
He looks at the shadows and shakes his head. “I don’t know if they’ll trust me with it if I don’t get Logan onboard. If he agrees, though, it’s a no-brainer. They’re dying to see him settle down, and they’d love for him to carry on their legacy. I told them I’d present my—our—plan two weeks from tomorrow, the day before Bailey’s party.”
The camp would be in excellent hands with Nate alone, but I trust his read on Logan’s parents. “We better get going, then. We’ve got a business partner to catch.”
He taps my knee with his knuckles. “Thank you,” hesays. “For encouraging me. I wouldn’t have come to Denver if you hadn’t.”
My chest aches. “Don’t thank me until we find him. But once we do, feel free to name a diving board in my honor. I’ll accept a tasteful bronze plaque, no need for a ribbon-cutting ceremony.”
“You’re worth more than a diving board. How about the clearing behind the equipment shed where all the teenage instructors go to make out? It’s nothing like this place, but there’s a nice red maple back there.”
“The Quinn Ray Boner Garden,” I try out. “Horny, yet dignified.”
He nudges my shoulder with his, an actual smile on his face, and the weight of what we’re about to do threatens to crush me.
I definitely have feelings for him. It’s obvious to me now. Throughout our early twenties, I told myself maybe we’d get together when we were older, when I’d been friends with Bailey for longer, when she wouldn’t mind anymore. Then I thought we’d find our moment in L.A. In fact, I chose it carefully, though I understand now that I picked the wrong time. Neither of us was ready.
And now, when a foolish part of me I wasn’t quite ready to acknowledge started to wonder ifthiscould be our moment, he’s moving away. Permanently. And I’m helping him do it.
“Our timing sucks,” I say.
His smile fades, but his eyes sharpen. “What do you mean?”
There will never be a right time for us. And that’s for the best, because I have Tracy to worry about, and hervision for my work as CycleLove’s paragon of singlehood. It probably wouldn’t last, anyway. He’d resent me for my job, and I’d get upset about it. It’s better this way.
I force a smile. “Our new HR forms require two local emergency contacts. Since we’re friends again, I was banking on listing you after Michelle. Now I’m going to have to use my hairdresser.”
Nate doesn’t crack a smile, just shoots me a look laden with guilt and sympathy.
It sounded funnier and less pathetic in my head.
Chapter 14
“This is a baby shower?”I whisper when we walk into the party.
Nate shrugs as we follow the hostess, a friend of Logan and Livvie’s named Kyla, through the crowd. The wooden sign in the foyer proudly proclaimsHere Comes the Sonin hand-painted white lettering, so I’m pretty sure it’s that or Bible study, but it doesn’t look like either one.
