Page 82 of One on One
“Like I said last night. It was about a job, right? I bet if you want, they’ll have you working on serious stuff, not just game highlights. Those Outside the Lines features on athlete sexual assault cover-ups or steroids or the pay-to-play scandal.”
I almost laugh at how close he is to the truth. “It wasn’t about a job.” The water bottle is cold and the label is damp. I scrape part of it off with my fingernail.
He looks disappointed. “Are you sure?”
Tell him.Part of my brain urges me on, hurling the whole knotted mess at the door, trying to beat it down. But we’re still in the snow globe, and if I tell him now, his reaction will be exactly what I’d hope for. Shock at first, remorse where appropriate, exactly the right amount of rage tempered by his cool head. Worse, he’ll say things likeI want to support you in whatever way you need,andWe’ll get through it together,andWhat we have is big and real enough for us to handle anything,and by the end of the conversation I will be hopelessly in love with him.
After that, the final game buzzer will sound, and the snow globe will dissolve into a fine mist. A month or so from now, when each of us is working who knows where, he’ll realize that while this has been nice, he’s not going to build his life around it. It’s easy to believe your feelings can conquer anything when you’re slow dancing in a cobblestone piazza or living one of your biggest dreams together. The truth isn’talways clear until you’re video chatting for the fourth night in a row with nothing left to talk about and no end in sight.
Or worse, the scandal will tank the department’s ability to fundraise, and the gymnastics program will be the first to pay the price. He’ll say it’s not my fault, but the truth will always be that my actions led directly to his sister’s dream being crushed. Natalie will go to college somewhere else, and every time she fails a test or gets written up for smuggling booze into her dorm room, we’ll be reminded that it could’ve been different if I had dealt with my past privately.
That’s not even the most pessimistic view. In my heart, I’m sure he’ll believe me. But it would be irresponsible not to remind myself that it’s not guaranteed. I’m not ready to brace myself for that scenario.
I rub the soggy paper between my fingers. “Yes, I’m sure. It was exactly what he said. He’s doing a story on hype videos.”
He seems to accept this and is quiet, contemplating.
“I better get to work,” I say. “And you’re going to miss the bus if you don’t get downstairs.”
He hesitates but thankfully can’t pinpoint what’s giving him pause. “Yeah,” he says. Kisses me once, starts for the door. He stops at the threshold. “I hadn’t thought about the possibility of one of our coaches leaving.”
Thankfully he doesn’t push it further. It takes a while before I can focus on my work. In one morning, everything has changed. Ben has a chance at getting everything he wants at Ardwyn. And I’ve only recently started to feel confident that I’m cementing my place there, but now—I don’t know what’s going to happen anymore. Not if I tell the world how Ardwyn basketball failed me.
It’s better that I didn’t tell him now. There’s a safer way to do it. First, I need to clear my head and make a decision about talking to Lily. Then there are games to win, maybe even a face-off with Maynard. After that we’ll go home to a quieter normalcy and see how everything shakes out, and I’ll tell Ben everything with plenty of time to spare before the story goes public.
It’s ten days, at most. I can handle that.
TWENTY-FIVE
One by one each playerclimbs a ladder to the basket, lops off a piece of the net, and passes the scissors to the next guy. It’s tradition for the winner of each region to perform this ritual, so we get to do it after beating West Virginia. I’m recording so I can mix the footage with game highlights. If we can get the rights, I’ll set it to this catchy hip-hop song Gallimore is always singing, one with a repeating scissor-cutting sound effect.
Snip, snip, boom. Snip, snip, boom.Next Saturday, we’ll play top-seeded North Carolina, and Arizona Tech will face Iowa Plains University, a plucky Cinderella school whose practice gym is a converted barn. The winners will compete for the championship.
The players hold the tiny bits of white polyester in their fists like treasure. When the net dangles by the last thread, somebody offers the scissors to Coach Thomas, who shakes his head and points to JGE. He climbs to the top and shearsoff the rest, and everyone takes turns wearing it around their necks. It’s like a lion’s mane or a feather boa. A scarf fit for a champion.
This will all be over soon. The thought douses the moment in a cold shower of premature nostalgia. I’m already outside it, like my camera is zooming out even though the scene is still playing out in front of me.
“A-Rad,” Andreatti says, bounding up to me. He gazes down to admire the net, the webbing cascading over his shoulders and down his chest. He pets it fondly. “Want to wear it for a minute?”
I tap the camera. “Pretend I’m not here.”
My phone won’t stop buzzing in my pocket, but I don’t check it until I’m on the bus to the airport.NEW ORLEANS!Cassie texts me. She declares she won’t miss a Final Four in her hometown, even though she has to blow off a committee meeting.Doesn’t matter anyway, she says.I’m giving my notice when I get back.
My family has already booked their flights.Honestly not that interested in the games, Kat says.Mom and I will be there solely for moral support, beignets, and warm weather. And not in that order. Beignets are #1.
Yay, I respond. I hesitate, and then add,can you and mom come visit me tomorrow?
Kat:…why?
Annie: i need to talk to you guys about something in person
Kat: That sounds ominous…?
Annie: it’s nothing bad. pleaseee
Kat: So secretive. okay, we’ll be there
Our flight lands in Philly at two in the morning. Ben and I spent the last five nights bunking with Kyle and Jess, respectively, so we go to his place together. I brush my teeth, change into one of his T-shirts, and climb under the covers. He always showers after he gets off the plane, so I listen to the sound of the water and stare at the wall.
