Page 65 of One on One
Cassie shrugs, trying to downplay it, but her smile is hopeful. “It’s going to take me a while to figure out the details. But I know I’d be able to handle cases on my own. And this way I can manage my own workload.”
“You don’t have to convince me. I’m already in full support.”
“I just feel guilty. The partners I work with have invested a lot in my career development. I think they’ll be shocked.”
“You can’t think about that. You have to put yourself first.”
Cassie’s mouth pinches. “I know, but it’s not that simple. I’ve worked at my firm forever. I’m close to these people.”
I make ahmmsound. I don’t know what to say. All of this used to seem simple. I do believe Cassie should put herself ahead of her law firm, but I also used to believe in keepingmy distance from my colleagues and not getting emotionally attached to work.
A stream of people exits the subway, and Cassie maneuvers around them. “What about you? What’s new?”
I take a deep breath. It’s become exhausting, keeping quiet about this thing that occupies so much of my thoughts. Also, Ben and I aren’t being sneaky enough. Potted plants don’t provide great cover. Someone is going to see something, if they haven’t already, and Cassie needs to hear it from me.
I stir my smoothie with the straw. “Promise you won’t freak out.”
A look of dread crosses Cassie’s face. “What is it?”
“It’s not a big deal, I swear.”
“Okay, so tell me.”
“Something…is happening…between Ben and me.”
“Something?” Now Cassie is the one stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. “Oh. Oh, Annie.”
Her eyes are so wide I can see straight into her brain, where two trains of thought are at war. One side saysI think your wedding dress should be a sheath with a low backandLet’s go on weekly double dates for the rest of our lives.The other side knows what all my relationships since Oliver have been like: brief, nonserious, and underwhelming.
“He’s pretty great,” I say.
“Yeah.” She nods vigorously. “Yeah, of course he is. On one hand, it makes complete sense. You guys complement each other. But on the other hand, I don’t want to see either of you get hurt. He’s different from anyone else you’ve ever dated. More…sincere.”
“We’re not dating,” I say reflexively. “It’s casual. It can’t become more than that.”
Cassie steers me off the sidewalk toward a large fountain at the base of a skyscraper. We sit on the edge, surrounded by office workers on their lunch breaks. “Tell me why,” she says, “because to me this sounds like you self-sabotaging.”
I give her a sharp look. “I’m not self-sabotaging. I’m realistic. One of us is probably about to get laid off, and that’s going to cause a lot of resentment.”
“Not if you care about each other.”
I barrel on. “And it means one of us will probably be moving away.”
“That’s not ideal, but it doesn’t automatically mean—”
“And whether it’s him or me, at some point in the next few years, guess where he’s planning to go coach? Arizona Tech.”
Cassie stops, and her shoulders slump. “Oh, goodness.” She studies my face. “You haven’t told him, then.”
I squint, watching the cars stuck in traffic. “Nope. I think I’m going to, though. After the season is over.”
“Wow.You must really like him.”
“Sure,” I concede. “But I’m not going to tell him as a way of, like, furthering our relationship. I’m going to tell him because he’s a good friend—”
Cassie rears back. “Good friend? Get out of here.”
“—who is probably going to be working and living somewhere different than me no matter what, which is good and fine, and I’m not about to have agood friendgoing to work at Arizona Fucking Tech. That’s all.” I shake my head. “Basketball season is…all-consuming. When I’m in it, it becomes my whole world. That’s the best thing about it, butit’s also the most dangerous. I spend all day in this magical bubble with a hot guy, so is it any surprise that we want to make out with each other sometimes? Winning makes people horny. That’s just science. When it’s over and we’re not working together anymore, we’ll be friends.”
