Page 42 of Darkest Game
“Yes,” I say. “But also polite. And demure. He wanted me to be a ballerina in part because Natalya is one. But also because he believed ballet taught discipline and order and grace.”
“Does it?”
“Yes. But it’s also long hours and hard work and tired feet. He would make me stuff my pointe shoes to the max with padding so I would never get ugly feet.”
“Ugly feet? I don’t get it.”
I gaze at Liam for a moment. “Ballerinas are notorious for their ugly feet.”
“Really? But ballerinas are graceful. They have beautiful feet.”
“When they’re in pointe shoes. Our feet are meant to look beautiful. But standing on pointe can wreck the toes. Can make them bleed or grow blisters. Padding helps prevent some of that from happening.”
“Jesus. I never knew. Makes me look at ballerinas a bit differently.” He nods at my feet. “So you’re telling me you have big ugly blisters on your feet?”
His question actually makes me laugh for the first time today. “No. I don’t. Though I have broken the occasional toenail and that’s not a pretty sight. Blood gets everywhere and you have to take a small break from dancing to let the toenail regrow. But that usually only takes a few days.”
“So being a ballerina is blood sport then. I never knew. I just thought ballerinas pranced around in pretty outfits.”
“Oh no. Being a ballerina is hard work. You have to train for hours at a time, day after day. I used to have a lot more strength in my body until my uncle took over and locked me in my house. I still practiced on my own but it doesn’t compare to dancing in a studio with an instructor.”
“Is that what you hope to do? Once this is all over. Get back to dancing?”
“It would be nice but I’m not sure I have any more dreams to perform on stage. I’ve gotten too behind in my work. And… I was always too shy to perform. It’s just not for me.” I can hear the sadness in my own voice and I hate it.
“It’s a weird thought that you’re my wife and I’m learning all these things about you. Usually people find out these things before they get married.”
A notion hits me. “I don’t even know if you had a girlfriend. I know Jack forced you into marrying me. And I know you said that…” I swallow hard. “That you want to continue to see other women.”
“I don’t have a girlfriend. Nothing official. Just… a fling with this one woman. Some one night stands with a few others.”
“So you’re not going to break a woman’s heart?”
He scoffs. “If any of those women I fucked fell in love with me then that’s on them. I never made any promises of love.”
“That makes me feel a tiny bit better. I would hate to be partially responsible for a woman losing her boyfriend.”
“You’re not responsible for that. You were kidnapped and forced into this. None of this is your fault.”
“Then why did you kidnap me in the first place? I wasn’t the one you were supposed to take.”
His hands clench around the steering wheel. “Because my guy, Mark, is a fucking moron. And selfishly I didn’t want to return to Jack emptyhanded. I was still looking out for myself.”
“Now you’re not?”
“I never would have killed Jack if I was only looking out for myself.”
I stare down at my lap. This conversation is too intimate to look at him. “I thought you killed Jack because he was making a fool out of you.”
“Trust me. I wanted him dead for that but I never would have acted on it. I only killed him because… because I didn’t want him hurting you.”
“I thought you hated me. Why did you kill your boss for a woman you hate?”
“I don’t hate you personally, Irina. Moreso the Russians and your brother-in-law. And your father and your uncle. But… not you. You’re just an innocent. And I can’t hate an innocent.”
I frown and lift my head to gaze at him. “Do you see me as a child?”
“No. Why do you ask that?”
