Page 30 of Petting Penelope
“I believe you,” said Rachel. “You don’t sound like you’re being dramatic. Go on, Penny.”
That, at least, was something. Most people pulled a face when she mentioned her trauma, as if a shitty relationship couldn’t possibly result in the kind of diagnosis that was made up of those particular letters.
“Well, it means that I sometimes have trauma responses. I can’t help it; they kind of sucker punch me in the gut, and I’m left emotionally wheezing all over the place. And in the stall earlier I… we… everything we’ve been doing, it feels right. Fun. Intense in the best kind of way, and that’s in no small part due to you. You make me feel safe.” She smiled weakly. “And that was apparently enough to freak my stupid brain out.”
“Your brain isn’t stupid,” said Rachel, and went to get up, before sitting back down again. “I’m sorry, I kind of want to hug you, but I don’t know if that would be helpful right now.”
“You can hug me,” said Penelope. “I’d like that.”
And then they were both up and she was in Rachel’s arms, clinging on and burying her face in the other woman’s shoulder. The butterfly tattoo winked at her and she half-laughed, even through her tears.
“My darling,” said Rachel. “I didn’t know.”
“Moira told me that I should tell you,” admitted Penny. “But I just didn’t know how.”
“That’s totally understandable. I’m just glad that you feel safe enough to tell me now. Thank you for trusting me.”
“You’re welcome,” said Penelope, her voice very small. “I’m sorry my brain went all weird and I reacted like… that. I don’t regret what we’ve been doing. Not in the slightest, but it scares me a bit.”
“It scares me too,” said Rachel. “I know you don’t want a relationship…”
“Didn’twant a relationship,” Penny corrected. “I didn’t want a relationship because I was afraid I’d end up losing myself again. But with you, it feels like I’m rediscovering myself, letting myself indulge in everything that I’ve had locked up for so long. So my stance on dating has changed.”
“It has?”
“Uh huh.” She nodded. “I want to take it slow, though. Maybe we have a different safe word—one for when I’ve been triggered or am having a trauma response? That way you could know that I need immediate space, but that it’s not because I’m angry with you or hurt. It’s just my brain needs some processing time.”
“Absolutely,” said Rachel, her arms still tight about Penelope. “Absolutely we can do that.”
CHAPTER 26
Rachel
“I still want to go to the party though,” said Penelope. “If you’re still up for it?”
They’d moved to the bed for cuddles, and Rachel had her arms wrapped around Penny, as if that could undo all the hurt and trauma her ex had inflicted.
“Definitely. And maybe we try going out of dynamic—just Rachel and Penelope, instead of Miss Rachel and Strawberry Moo?”
The blonde woman in her arms nodded. “I’d like that. It could be a good trial for how we could work as a couple.”
As a couple.
Rachel had flown halfway across the world for this woman, and would have done so again, even without the promise of kink or sex. But the opportunity to woo Penelope? To help her trust again, and bring her joy and happiness?
Rachel would have done back-to-back transatlantic flights for that shit.
“It’s a date then,” said Rachel, and laughed because it really was a date. She was going to take Penelope Wilson on adate.
“What do you wear to a pool party?” asked Penny, suddenly. “It’s not as if we’ve got the weather or indeed the space, back home to attend many of them.”
“I think it’s a swimsuit/bikini kind of vibe, with maybe a sarong around your waist?”
“Have you got something like that with you?”
“I packed something,” said Rachel. “How about you?”
Penelope flushed. “I forgot. I managed to pack my cow ears and cow-print skirt, but something to wear in a pool? Nope. Nothing, nada.” Her eyes flickered toward Rachel, as if she were waiting for some admonishment, but Rachel just kissed her and leaned over to grab the phone.
