Page 39 of Petting Penelope
“I have a shitty ex. She was mean and horrible, and fucked me up in ways that haunt me even now. I’m traumatized and tired, and all of this does not a good girlfriend make.”
“Why?” asked Tay.
“What?”
“Why doesn’t that make a good girlfriend?”
Penny sighed. “Because I’m sensitive and get triggered by the most ridiculous things, and none of it is anyone’s fault—aside from hers—but I can’t fix it. I’ve tried, God knows I’ve tried, but here I am, years later. Still fucked up. Still a mess. Still too much for anyone to take on.”
“Only, Rachelisyour girlfriend now.”
“Yes.”
“And flew halfway around the world with you.”
“Yes.”
“And fulfills all your little hucow desires.”
That last statement made Penelope flush, but she couldn’t deny the veracity of it. “Yes.”
“So why do you think that you’re too much to take on andno, you can’t just repeat what you just said. What is this really about?”
Tay was being kind, even though their words stung a bit, and Penelope took a moment to consider their question. Whatwasthis really all about? It had been kickstarted by Rachel saying “my love,” but that wasn’t the real issue.
“I’m worried that they like me now, but that when they get to know me,reallyget to know me, I’ll be too much for them. That they’ll regret it and either leave or, worse, stay and resent me.”
“Is that what happened with your ex?”
Penny nodded.
“You do know that your ex was a bit of an ass, right?” Tay’s bluntness made Penelope smile. “Not even a bit of an ass. A whole ass. Complete with spewing shit. You are a whole goddamn damn delight.”
“Yeah, but?—”
“No buts. You are. And yes, you’ve got trauma, and sometimes you might have a meltdown, but if you tell Rachel about your ex, I bet she’d understand.”
“She does,” mumbled Penelope. “I had a meltdown yesterday and had to safe out of a scene and she didn’t mind at all, just wanted to know what was going on.”
“See! Look, I don’t know her very well, but she seems like a good one.”
“She’s a good egg,” said Penny. “The best of eggs, really.”
“Okay then. There you go.” Tay went to the cupboard and grabbed a bottle of wine and some tomato puree. “So what brought this on.”
“She called me ‘my love’ yesterday. And I know it was an accident, and we’re going to talk about it properly later, but I got scared.”
Tay glugged a load of wine into the pot and then emptied the entire tube of tomato puree. “With your history, I can see why you got a bit freaked out.”
“Not freaked out, exactly, just scared. I like her. I like her a whole lot. I might even love her, but love puts my whole life at risk. Last time I fell in love, when it ended, I lost everything. My home, my belongings… I had to sofa surf for months until I managed to scrape enough money together to rent somewhere again.”
“I see where you’re coming from but—just an idea—maybe don’t move in with her just yet. You’re still in the beginning stages of dating, right? You don’t have to make those big life decisions yet. You can just sit back and enjoy getting to know each other better.”
A quiet fell over the kitchen once more that was broken when the door swung open and Guilia walked in. She looked at Penelope, looked at the bowl of ice cream that was nearly finished, and then exchanged a look with Tay.
“You’re giving away my ice cream again, tesore,” she said.
They shrugged. “It’s better than therapy.”
