Page 22 of Damnation
“She was my mother.”
“Your mother? Couldn’t she just call you?” Cassie asks, like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
“Apparently not.” I look sideways at James, embarrassed to have him involuntarily participating in this conversation. But I am relieved to see that he has gone back to his computer and is typing again.
I thank Cassie for the heads-up and continue working, finally able to deliver those chicken wings to James. I wonder why my mother bothered to show up at my job after almost a week, when she knew full well I wouldn’t be here. Why didn’t she just call me? What does she want? If she’s trying to signal to me that I should reach out to her first, she’s going to be very disappointed.
Half an hour before the end of my shift, I am surprised to see Tiffany and Leila walk in the door, busily chatting with one another. I arrange the last of the chairs on top of a table and head over to the bar, where I find them waiting for me with twin dazzling smiles.
“Hey, what are you two doing here?” I greet them, giving them both a bit of a shifty look.
“I’m looking for reasons not to go home, and Leila is…” Tiffany looks at her thoughtfully. “Actually, I don’t know what her deal is, but we wound up here purely by chance.”
“Do you want something to eat? The kitchen’s closed, but I could probably get you a sandwich or some pretzels real quick.”
“Actually, I’d rather have some of that liquor you keep back there,” Tiff answers in mock desperation before sitting down on a stool and resting her forehead on the bar.
“In that case, make it two,” Leila adds, sitting down next to Tiffany.
“Something wrong?” I ask her, drying the glasses that have just come out of the dishwasher.
“I’m going home in two days.”
“And you’re not happy about it?” Tiffany says, lifting her head up off the bar.
Leila lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Any daughter should be happy to go home for a visit, right?”
Not any daughter, believe me…
“Actually, I haven’t seen or heard from my parents in a long time,” she continues, scratching the rough surface of the bar with her fingernail. “And there are about a million valid reasons to keep on avoiding them, but now that he’s on his deathbed, my father apparently wants to atone for all his sins,” she finishes softly, staring into the middle distance.
Her words snap me to attention, struck by a sudden feeling of distress. I can feel Tiffany’s gaze on me, almost like she wants to ask me if I know anything about this. Truthfully, this is a part of Thomas’s life that is completely opaque to me. What sins is Leila talking about? Is this why Thomas has been so hard to pin down recently? And what does Thomas think about all of this?
Every time we even get close to the topic of his family, he shies away and becomes even more indecipherable than usual. If I am an open book, then Thomas is an inaccessible tome hidden deep in the forbidden section of the library.
“Not all parents are good parents,” I tell Leila, hoping tocomfort her. “But he’s still your father, and I’m really sorry about the whole situation.” I try to calibrate my words precisely and put just the right amount of compassion in my voice. If I’ve learned anything from Thomas, it’s that he becomes defensive when he feels like I’m pitying him. I don’t want to trigger the same reaction in his sister.
“I can’t really be that sorry about it, though,” Leila says to my surprise. “On the one hand, I want to be able to go home and forgive him but, on the other hand, I can’t help but wonder if it he isn’t getting exactly what he deserves.”
I’m speechless. Of all the things she might have said, that is one I never imagined I’d hear. But then a half-forgotten memory comes back to me: Leila and Thomas arguing in a campus doorway at the end of September. She was begging him to go home with her, but he refused. He freaked out on her. At the time, I didn’t understand—I couldn’t understand—but now I am beginning to feel as though I was given a small piece of a much larger puzzle.
“Girls, what is up with all this drama?” Tiffany breaks in, distracting me from my musings. “Have we by any chance wandered into a soap opera? My parents are trying to control my life; you have to go home to your family, but it’s the last place you want to be. And that’s to say nothing of you.” She raises an arm to point at me. “You’ve been kicked out of your house and forced to go into debt to the federal government so you don’t wind up living under a bridge while you finish school,” she cries, slapping her hand down on the bar.
We all fall silent. I sigh and slam the glass I was drying down on the bar, making both of them jump. “You know what? My shift ends in fifteen minutes; we should do something.”
“Something?” Tiffany echoes.
“Yeah, let’s get nuts. We could…I don’t know, go to the movies!”
Tiffany raises her eyebrows in confusion. “Is that your idea of a wild Saturday night?”
“Do you have a better suggestion? There’s not much to do in this town.”
“How about we go dancing?” Leila cuts in, drawing our attention. “I know about this place in downtown Corvallis.”
“Now that’s a good idea!” Tiffany exclaims, as though she’s just been roused from a deep sleep. “I really need to let loose.”
I quickly do the math. Between the cost of gas, the door charge at the club, and any drinks, there’s no way I’d have enough money to cover it. “Um, I don’t know, girls. Now that I’m not living with my mother, I have to save as much as possible.”
