Page 91 of Damnation
Robert takes a step back, as if Thomas’s words have physically struck him. I watch them eye each other, not knowing what to do. Thomas looks for all appearances like he’s about one step away from attacking his uncle. Robert, on the other hand, is looking at Thomas with a pity in his eyes that makes me shudder. And I…I’m deeply troubled. Was it really like Thomas said? Was his uncle aware of everything that Thomas’s mother was going through and just chose not to do anything to end that horror? Goddamn, she’s hissister.
Thomas grabs me firmly by the wrist and pulls me away. This time, he doesn’t pay any attention when Robert once again begs him to stop.
“Did your uncle really know what he was doing to her?” I ask when we get back to the car, wringing my hands.
“He suspected,” Thomas answers a few moments later. “He tried to get information out of us when we were together. Especially from me because I spent so much time with him in the studio. But when everything got worse after the accident, Mom convinced him that it was all because of grief, and that alcohol was the only problem. She left everything else out. I think he accepted that version because it was easier to believe that the police officer who was married to his sister became an alcoholic after losing his son, rather than admitting he’d always been one. And if that wasn’t enough, my uncle was involved insome shady business at the time that gave him the money he needed to keep the tattoo parlor going. My father knew all about it. And if my uncle had tried to do something, he would have thrown my uncle in jail in a second, taken away everything he’d built, everything he’d sacrificed for all his life, and left his family destitute.”
“I…I don’t know what to say…”
“There’s not much too say. This shit is my life, Ness. Now you get why I wanted to keep you out of it.” The way he says it and the silence we immediately sink into after chill my blood.
We continue our drive, not speaking. Road signs tell me we’re heading for the southeast area of the city. We pass through a dimly lit tunnel. When we exit, we take a sharp right, and after a few miles, Thomas parks the car in front of a run-down duplex. The grass in the front yard is overgrown; the fence is rusty. Siding is falling off the facade.
He turns off the engine and just sits there, his hands clenched on the steering wheel as he scrutinizes the two-story house in front of him where, through the curtains, the light gleams.
Discomfort tightening my throat, I unbuckle my seat belt and grab my bag out of the back seat. I open the door and put one foot down on the asphalt, but when I realize that Thomas hasn’t moved an inch, I get back into the car.
“Hey, are we…are we not going in?”
He takes a deep breath and shakes his head feebly. “I don’t know if I can do it.” The despair in his voice makes me shiver.
“Thomas…” I murmur, with all the softness I would use to address a frightened child. I put my hand on his leather-clad shoulder. “Listen, I know that today has been harder than expected. And if the pressure is too much, we can get out of here at any time. Even now,” I reassure him. “However, we have come all this way… You’re just a few steps away from seeing her again after all this time. Give yourself a chance. You’re not alone. You have Leila and me with you.”
Even though he continues to frown at the house, my words seem to have given him enough strength to take that first step. We get out of the car and walk over to the fence, which creaks when we open it. Thesky above us is black; the air is getting colder and colder, typical of an autumn night. We cross the small yard, and when we reach the door, Thomas stands motionless with his hands in his pockets, just staring at it. From inside, we can hear the muffled sound of a TV. He’s still frozen. I give him all the time he needs; I don’t want to make him feel that he’s being forced in any way to do something he isn’t completely ready to do.
“This place isn’t so bad, you know?” I say, glancing around and trying to ease the tension. “Though I don’t have a lot to compare it to because I’ve never set foot outside of Corvallis. Except for the time I flew to Washington with Alex and his mom. Though in that case, we spent most of the time in the hotel with the babysitter. I mean, of course we went out some of the time, and it was a lot of fun when we did.” I stop talking when I run out of breath and clasp my hands behind my back.
He frowns at me. My blathering must have irritated him even more.Congratulations, Vanessa, you’re so great at lifting people’s spirits.Thomas backs away onto the porch, and I follow him. He brings a cigarette to his mouth, shields it from the wind, and lights it. Then he leans his elbows on the wooden porch railing and blows out a mouthful of smoke. I watch him survey the surrounding area, lingering on a small neglected storage shed at one end of the yard.
“This place sucks,” is all he says before taking another long drag from his cigarette. I don’t answer him. We stay like this until he finishes his cigarette and tosses the butt over the railing, all in complete silence. Then, he looks at me, taking my chin between his thumb and forefinger and rubbing it delicately. He rests his forehead against mine and traces my jawline with his fingers. “I got you something.”
I start. “For me? What? When?” I murmur in surprise, our lips brushing against each other.
He quirks a corner of his mouth in a smug, if weary, grin. From his jacket pocket, he produces a leather bracelet. The bracelet that I saw at his uncle’s shop. He got it for me. I stare at him in disbelief, moved. He takes my arm, pulls up the sleeve of my jacket, and ties it around my wrist.
“Don’t think I don’t know how much it cost you to be here with me. You had to change your shifts at work and push back all your other commitments. And after what I said to you at the party, you didn’t have to. You could have told me no. It would have been more convenient for you. At least you could have spared yourself that awkward scene just now.” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know how this evening is gonna go, Ness. Honestly…I really don’t know. But I do know that I haven’t really shown you how much your being here today means to me. You are the only thing that feels right in a sea of wrong, and if something—anything—happens to make you question that, just think back on this moment. Think about this bracelet, which is just my way of saying thank you. Thank you for staying with me, despite everything.” Not giving me a chance to answer, he puts his soft, warm lips over mine. He twines his hands through my hair with a sweet calm that dissolves all the accumulated tension of the day. And then, with a trembling exhalation, he breaks the kiss, moving a few inches away. I feel the ground falling away under my feet.
“Now we can go in,” he says, touching my cheek.
Leila opens the door for us. “Oh my God, thank you; you came. I was afraid you weren’t going to show up again.” Her incredulous big green eyes flash at me. She grabs me by the shoulders and pulls me to her, giving me a tight hug. “Come in, come in, it’s freezing out there.”
Thomas crosses the threshold with a certain apprehension, and his gaze starts darting around like a caged puppy. His chest rises and falls in an agitated fashion. He seems lost, and his shoulders are tense. I’m sure he’s currently fighting the urge to flee.
The moment the door closes behind us, he entwines his hand with mine and holds it in a firm grip. Needy. I look up at him, surprised by this all-too-spontaneous gesture. If I know anything about Thomas, it’s that when he has difficult feelings, he retreats into himself. But now, instead, everything about him is telling me just one thing:I need you.
I reinforce my own grip and wrap my other hand around his forearm to reassure him. To make sure he knows that I am here. That he’s not alone. And that he can do this.
“How was the trip?” Leila asks, gesturing for us to follow her into the living room. Unlike Thomas, she seems extremely calm, as if this was just a normal family dinner. Thomas gives an absent-minded nod, busy examining every corner of the house with a scrupulous eye.
“It was smooth sailing,” I break in. “Sorry for running late. We took a mini tour of the city, and Thomas was nice enough to take me to lunch at—”
“Joseph’s,” she finishes, interrupting me with a smile.
“Yeah, how did you know?” I ask her, smiling back.
“He loves that place; we used to go there all the time.” She gives her brother a warm look, which he does not reciprocate. An awkward silence descends upon us, and I rush to break it, telling Leila that I brought all the material for the article so I can get her feedback on it.
“Are you by yourself?” Thomas’s rough, hoarse voice seems to burst into the room.
