Page 72 of Damnation
“Give up the tutoring,” she says immediately.
I give her a disconsolate look. “But do I want to give up the boost to my résumé, which might just get me through this semester without going completely insane?” I don’t think I’ve ever felt more helpless in my life. Whichever choice I make, I end up losing something.
“Then do it,” Tiffany says with the exact same conviction she just used a minute ago to suggest that I back out.
I shake my head. “Thomas will be furious.”
“Oh, sweetheart, of course he will. But it’s not like you can help it,” she says, giving me a sympathetic look. “Remember, you’re doingit for yourself, and if he really cares about you, he shouldn’t be able to do anything but support you.”
As hard as it is to believe all of that, I hope with all my heart that she’s right.
I scrub my hands over my face and start thinking of the hundred thousand ways I could tell Thomas that I’m going to have to start taking time away from him and dedicating it to Logan, when Tiffany alerts me.
“Uh-oh, trouble incoming.”
I take my hands away from my face and look at her uncomprehendingly.
Her eyes are fixed to the front door. “Sir Tedious himself has entered the room and is headed right for us.” I turn around quickly and see Logan advancing on us with long decisive strides.
My ears are ringing; all the voices around me seem muffled. All I can really hear is the sound of my own breathing as it gets heavier and heavier.
Seventeen
When Logan gets to me, I jump up like the cushion underneath my butt just caught fire. I move my alarmed gaze from him to the front door, where I am expecting Thomas to appear at any moment.
“Logan, what are you doing here?”
He runs a hand through his hair, his eyes wandering around the chaotic room. It feels like he’s looking for someone. “I…wanted to talk to you, actually.”
“I thought we already did that,” I answer with a trembling voice. From the corner of my eye, I can see Tiffany getting up off the sofa. She puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it as if to give me courage before walking past the both of us and vanishing out onto the lawn. Knowing my friend, she probably went to find Thomas and keep him out of the house for as long as possible. At least, I’m really hoping that’s what she’s doing.
“Yes, true,” Logan continues. “But I didn’t like the way we left things. I realized I was pretty rude to you.” He sits down on the sofa, and I turn to look at him.
Logan rests his elbows on his knees, rubbing his forehead with a clenched fist as if pausing to reflect on something troubling. Then, his blue eyes turn attentively to me. “I don’t like this situation that has been created between the two of us. We don’t speak, we avoid each other like the plague. And any time we do get near each other for some reason, like this morning in class, you are clearly uncomfortable.”
I shut my eyes and sigh. “Logan, we already talked about this—”
“Let me finish,” he interrupts me, irritated.
I fold my arms over my chest and nod for him to go ahead.
“I like you, okay? It would be pointless to deny it. But, believe it or not, I’ve made my peace with that. And when I told you before that this would just be about studying, I was being sincere. I want you to be my tutor, Vanessa. I want you because you’re good. The best, actually, and you know it. But I also realize that I’ve put you in a difficult position, and that’s why I’m here. I want to clear the air with Thomas once and for all.”
He seriously came here to talk to Thomas? Not a chance. At least, not before I do.
“I want to reassure him that I’m not going to use this as an excuse to try to get with you. And I also want to apologize for goading him that night at the Marsy and for not waking you up when you fell asleep.” He pronounces the last part with a certain embarrassment, slumping his shoulders as if just saying it out loud has made him feel about as big as an ant.
“I know it’s an awful excuse, but I was so excited to be with you that night. Instead, I was confronted with a painful truth that got my head all turned around. But I want you both to know that I’m ashamed of what I did,” he finishes in a gloomy tone, hanging his head like a beaten dog.
His low, suffering look conveys all of his misery to me. There’s a small part of me that doesn’t want to blame him at all. It’s clear that he was hurt, and everyone does things they regret when they’re being driven by anger and pain.
“Okay, I agree. I’ll be your tutor,” I say, overcome by guilt.
He lifts his eyebrows, just as surprised as I am to hear me say those words. “You’ll really do it?” he asks, almost incredulous.
I nod. After all, it’s really just a matter of giving him a little help with homework, right? But I do want to make one thing clear. “I will help you, Logan. But if you do or say anything that makes me regret this decision, our sessions will end immediately.”
“I won’t do anything like that, I promise,” he says fervently.
