Page 30 of Damnation
He watches the smoke disperse in front of him but doesn’t answer me. He just lifts up one corner of his mouth slightly.
Then I push myself forward until I reach him. I lean against him, sliding a thigh between his legs and flattening my hands on his chest. Thomas strokes my backside automatically. “Am I with you, Thomas?” I ask again.
He stares into my eyes in a way that makes me tremble, but I don’t look away. I maintain my gaze because I want to hear him say it. He has to say it… But when I realize that he isn’t going to, I lower my eyes, feeling a bitter sense of disillusionment.
Stupid… I don’t know what I expected. I shake my head and pull away, deciding it’s time to get out of here.
“Ness,” I hear him say behind me. When I turn, he grabs my hips and pulls me into him. He rubs my lip with his thumb, and staring steadily into my eyes, he says: “You and I, we are together.”
Eight
I can’t believe he actually just said it. I bite my lip, incapable of replying.
“W-we’re together? Like, together-together?” I look at him, uncertain but full of hope. He just keeps staring at me through the cloud of smoke rising from his lit cigarette. After another very long moment, he nods.
“And you’re not just saying that because I yelled in your face that I wanted to end things, are you?” I murmur, staring down at his shirt, almost afraid of seeing the bitter truth on his face.
Thomas tosses the cigarette into the toilet bowl, takes my chin in his hand, and tilts it up. “I told you that I don’t do relationships. That I don’t knowhowto do them. That they only make trouble. And that’s all true.” He pauses and moves his thumb delicately over my bottom lip, tracing its contours. “I could tell you that I want you in my life because I desperately need you, but that wouldn’t be the truth. I learned the hard way never to need anyone. I want you with me because you, more than anyone else, actually make me believe that all this shit is worth living through.”
Even though I find it hard to believe I could mean so much to him, his words make my heart skip a beat. “So now we are…a couple?” I ask again, still astonished.
Thomas lets out one of his usual derisive snorts and nods. I bite my lip again, trying to hold back my expression of joy mixed withsatisfaction. I stretch up to give him a kiss, which he responds to by rubbing my bare thighs.
“Do you know what this means?”
“What?” he asks, arching a skeptical eyebrow.
“From now on, you’re gonna have to do so many nice things for me. Take me to the movies, go out to dinner with me, buy me flowers, and, most importantly, you will cuddle with me while we watch TV like a good boyfriend.” I lay it all out with wild enthusiasm, just to tease him.
“I don’t cuddle, Ness,” he chides me.
I give him an exaggerated pout. “Well, in that case, you will have to compensate me for the lack of cuddles with lots and lots of gifts. Just so you know, peonies are my favorite flower, I don’t like dark chocolate, and if you’re ever undecided about what to get for me, a book will always be a safe bet. Well, except for those Russian bricks; I really can’t handle those.” I keep teasing him, twining my arms around his neck and trying to keep from exploding with laughter. The expression of pure dismay on his face is too hilarious.
“I’m not doing any of that, and you know it. Now, let’s get out of here; the stale air is starting to get to you.” I imagine he wants to look serious, but his eyes betray him with an amused twinkle.
When I turn to open the door, Thomas grabs the bottom of my dress and tries to pull it further down my thighs with little success. “Did you really have to come here dressed like that?”
I turn and raise my eyebrow at him. “And how else was I supposed to come to a dance club? In overalls?” says I, the girl who once attended a full day of classes on campus wearing her pajama shirt.
He grimaces. “At least that way no one would look at you. Not how they’re looking at you with this dress on at least.”
I give a resigned shrug and push the door open. On my way out, I meet the eyes of two boys standing at the sinks. They look at me, perplexed. But as soon as they see Thomas emerge from behind me, their expressions change. Their lips twist into sly smiles, and they give him knowing looks. My cheeks burn, and I look down at the floor, pullingsome hair over my face to cover my blush. We wash our hands and leave in a hurry.
Once outside, Thomas puts a palm on my back and brings his mouth close to my ear. A little bit of his hair, soft and nice smelling, falls over his forehead and tickles my cheekbone. “Are you sure you want to stay?”
I nod.
“Okay, you want something to drink?”
“No thanks. I don’t want to push my limit.”
“Come on then, let me introduce you to the guys.” He slides his hand over my butt, almost as if to hide it from the depraved eyes all around us. He guides me toward his table, but I stop him just before we get there.
“Wait, I have to find Tiffany and Leila first. I came here with them, and then I disappeared for a long time; they’ll be worried.”
“My sister’s here?” he asks, troubled. “And neither of you felt the need to tell me?”
“I guess not,” I reply, shrugging.
