Page 78 of Collision
“What things? Running away in the middle of the night? Or using me as a sexual release valve, like I’m one of your bimbos?”
My voice cracks but I force myself not to cry.
“What was I supposed to do? You were terrified that your mother would find me there. I only did what you asked me to. And I didn’t use you as a release valve. Need I remind you that you were the one who got off?”
“You made me feel used, Thomas. I shared a piece of myself with you and, just a few hours after you slipped out of my bed, you had no problem at all showing up here with Shana! How am I supposed to feel?”
Thomas bites his lip and looks around nervously. It seems like he’s about to say something, but then his expression changes, hardens. It is an expression I have never seen on his face before, and it doesn’t bode well.
“Showing up at your house was a mistake. Forget about it. Pretend that never happened.”
What…
“Forget?” I repeat in a broken voice, trying to choke down the lump I feel in my throat.
“Yeah, this thing between you and me.” He moves a hand between me and himself. “You’re acting like a jealous fucking girlfriend, but you’re not. I’m not with you, I fucked you a couple of times, and we had fun. But that’s all it was!”
I remain stunned by his words as I feel tears welling up. I back away, incredulous, deeply humiliated, ashamed, and hurt once again.
After a moment of bewilderment at my brimming eyes, Thomas seems to sadden. He takes a step toward me, reaching to take my hands, but I shy away from him.
“You told me yesterday that you don’t want to be compared to Travis, but the truth is, you’re not that different from him.” I blink rapidly, trying to chase away the tears. “From now on, stay away from me.” I turn to leave and, as I walk away, I’m no longer able to hold back the tears. I feel like the dumbest person in the world. How could I misunderstand his intentions so grievously? Had I really believed that an insecure, bookish, awkward girl like me would be able to capture his attention? Yes. For a tiny fraction of a second, last night, lying on my bed with him beside me… I had believed it. But I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done any of the things I did with him. I knew what he was like from the beginning. I knew I was just a dalliance for him. That whole thing about wanting to know me, it was pure fiction. It was all part of his game…
I run past the campus buildings with tears blurring my vision. I get into the Toyota and, when I finally manage to stop weeping, I start the car. I park in the driveway, enter the house, close the door behind me, and slump against it. The silence in the empty room is broken only by my sobs, which I no longer try to hold back. I put my hands in my hair and cry, disappointed in my own naivete. As soon as I manage to calm down, I go take a shower and then throw myself on the couch, not even making an effort to assemble a lunch. When my mother comes home around five o’clock, I beg off with an excuse about studying and lock myself in my room.
But I don’t have the wherewithal to actually study, preferring to continue readingPride and Prejudice. I reach out to the bedside table but…it’s not there. That is where I left it, though. Mom must have put it away in the bookcase when she was dusting. I don’t have time to go over to the shelf before the sound of the doorbell makes me jump.
What fresh hell is this?
I run down the stairs so I can answer the door before my mother does. I find Logan standing on the front stoop, with an awkward smile on his face.
“Um…hey, Vanessa,” he greets me.
“Hi, Logan,” I say, equally embarrassed and surprised at this unexpected visit.
“I thought I should bring you the notes from today’s lecture, if that would be useful,” he says sweetly, handing me a USB stick.
“Oh, thank you very much. I meant to ask someone for notes. I also meant to apologize to you for the scene. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time—you didn’t do anything wrong,” I explain uncomfortably.
“Don’t worry, it’s Thomas Collins. What can you expect? Even though, at one point, I did think both of you were about to blow up.”
I put on a fake smile, but I just want to sink into the floor. “Well, in any case, I do apologize on his behalf. And thanks again, for the notes,” I repeat, hoping to dismiss him.
“No problem. You know…” He rubs a finger over his eyebrow, self-conscious. “I was thinking, if you wanted, we could get coffee one of these days?”
“Vanessa, is everything okay over there?” My mother’s voice breaks in from the kitchen, saving me from further awkwardness. “Dinner’s ready!”
“Um, I have to go now, Logan. See you in class, thanks again!” I say in a hurry. I don’t have time to close the door before my mother appears behind me, looming.
“Who was that, honey?”
“A classmate. I had to give him some notes,” I lie.
“Mmhmm, I see. And does Travis know that your classmates are showing up at your house and inviting you for coffee?” she asks me as we head back into the kitchen.
“You shouldn’t eavesdrop.” I sit down at the table and nibble on a piece of bread. Mom brings over two plates of macaroni and cheese and sits down across from me. “And with Travis…” I leave the sentence hanging, wondering if I should talk to her about it now. Knowing her, she will flip out when she hears about our breakup. I trust, though, that when I tell her why, she’ll finally understand what kind of guy he was.
“Did something happen? Did you have a fight?”
