Page 118 of Collision
From the way he looks at me, I can tell he’s trying not to judge me. He twists the hem of his Bermuda shorts as he seems to mull over my words. “So, since that night…” he repeats, almost to himself. “Are you together?”
I let out a thin, unhappy laugh: Thomas and I together…not even in my dreams. I am sure that, even there, Thomas would show up with all his insolence and would manage to make me feel like an idiot for daring to dream of him.
“No. We’re friends. The thing is, it’s so hard to keep up with him… One day he says one thing, the next day he does something else entirely. Not only can I never understand him, I hate him ninety percent of the time; he tries my patience constantly. Yet, for some inexplicable reason, a part of me is tied to him. I know, Alex, I know I’m getting myself intobig trouble. But I can’t help but feel that there is something more inside him. I know I can be good for him. And, in his best moments, he makes me feel so good.” I lower my eyes bitterly, waiting for his verdict.
He rests his head on my shoulder and says, “You know, I’d like to think that this is just one of your bad jokes. Like that time when we were kids and you called me in the middle of the night and pretended you were a creeper watching me from the driveway, but you forgot to mask your phone number. Or when you tried to get me to eat Roy’s food by telling me it was tuna fish, but you left the can of dog food open on the kitchen counter.” We both laugh. “But I can see from your eyes, that’s not the case. I’m not going to tell you to stay away from him, because I already did that once, and it didn’t do anything. I don’t know much about him, except what everyone knows and what you definitely know. But I do know a lot about you, and if he has somehow managed to make a good person like you love him, then maybe he’s not all bad. I’m just afraid you’re going to relive everything you went through this past year with Travis. But I trust you, Nessy. If you see some good in him, I believe in you.”
I look at him, stunned. I thought for sure he was going to be angry and that he would make me feel like a complete fool for losing my head over the most obnoxious tattooed asshole in all of Corvallis.
“So you’re not mad at me? I feel guilty for not telling you anything; I was afraid of how you’d react,” I admit in a faint whisper.
He lifts his head. “You have terrible taste in guys, but you’re my friend. I’m always on your side.”
I hug him tightly and he hugs me back.
“Guys, how about we liven up this evening a bit with that game they’re playing in there,” Tiffany interrupts us, pointing to a small group inside the mansion.
“I don’t think that’s our thing,” I start to say, before Tiffany grabs Alex and me by the hands and pulls us up without giving us a chance to argue. “We’re here to have fun, not to be bored to death.” She drags us into the house, where some boys and girls are already sitting in a circle on the floor around a low table. In the middle of the table rests an empty bottle.
“Let’s play truth or dare,” says one of the girls already sitting cross-legged on the floor.
Not gonna happen.
“Truth or dare? Come on, that’s for—”
“For kids,” a warm, sensual voice interrupts from behind me. Two hands wrap around my hips and a mouth rests against my ear, making me shiver. “Hi, stranger.” Thomas kisses me on the cheek, then passes me by, leaving only the trail of his overwhelming scent behind him. He wears a gray sweatshirt, which highlights his powerful biceps, and a pair of dark jeans. His hair falls disheveled over his forehead. My God, he is breathtakingly beautiful. He picks a bottle of beer off the counter, opens it with the steel ring he wears on his middle finger, and takes a sip.
“Collins, are you gonna watch or are you gonna join these ‘kids’?” Tiffany asks.
Thomas stares at me for a few seconds, then gestures at me with the neck of the bottle. “If she plays, I’ll play.” He winks at me, and I can’t help but smile in return.Vanessa, dignity is not optional, my conscience reminds me.
Then, Tiffany turns to me. “Nessy? What are you going to do?” Suddenly, everyone looks at me as if I’m the wet blanket here.
“Sure, I’ll play,” I say resignedly.
We all sit around the table. Alex takes a seat to my right, while Thomas sits across from me. “I’ll start,” exclaims a girl with long brown hair to my left. “Nash. Truth or dare?”
“Truth,” answers a boy wearing a pair of hipster-y glasses.
“Let’s start with a softball. How was your first time?”
What kind of question is that!?
Nash seems to ponder it for a moment. “Definitely too brief.” We all burst out laughing. The game proceeds merrily, between Thomas admitting that the strangest place he did it was inside an old-timey phone booth, me confessing that I have never masturbated (which earned me a cheeky look from Thomas’s side of the circle), some spicy revelations, and big laughs. Thomas and I both chose “Truth” at everyturn, and I must confess I’m surprised that he doesn’t take advantage of the dares to have a little fun.
Everything seems to be going smoothly, until Alex is dared to kiss the person in the circle that he has known the longest—namely, me. We both try to weasel out of it, Alex out of respect for his girlfriend Stella, me, both because of their relationship and our friendship, but most of the others around the circle tell us not to be buzzkills and that it’s all just a silly game. So, with embarrassment gnawing at us, we kneel facing one another. We are both bright red and constantly giggling, despite how uncomfortable we both are. After a few moments of hesitation, Alex takes the reins and wraps one hand around the back of my head, pulling me to him and kissing me. We pull away from one another, laughing a little and wiping our mouths with the backs of our hands. However, my amusement fades the moment I see Thomas’s glacial expression.
He can’t seriously be mad about this totally innocent kiss, from a boy who might as well be my brother, can he?
Next is the brown-haired girl’s turn. I can’t even remember her name. Her gaze lingers on Thomas and alarm bells sound in my head, warning me to prepare for the worst. For the first time, Thomas chooses “Dare.” And as he does so, he stares straight into my eyes with a challenging look. My heart begins to pound in my chest at an unprecedented speed.
The brunette casts a mischievous glance at her friend, a girl with dyed pink hair sitting next to me and pronounces: “I dare you to give Malesya a hickey.” I stop breathing. Malesya goes to meet him amid the hoots and shouts of those present. Thomas, still looking at me, makes her sit on his lap, resting both of his hands on her butt. I begin to feel a kind of nausea. Alex and Tiffany look at me sympathetically. I just want to disappear.
Thomas brushes aside her pink locks and starts enthusiastically kissing her neck. She sighs ecstatically, grinding her pelvis against his lap. Amid giggles from the circle, someone tells them to get a room. Finally, they break away. Malesya returns to sit beside me, and I can’thelp but stare disgustedly at the bruise he has left on her neck; nor can I banish from my brain the image of her rubbing herself on Thomas as he eagerly indulged her.
My legs are shaking, my eyes are burning, but I refuse to cry. I clear my throat. I shrug my shoulders and tell myself that I am going to avoid Thomas’s gaze for the rest of the evening. For all the days to come! He’s an asshole down to the DNA level, and that won’t ever change.
After several rounds, it’s Tiffany’s turn. She gives everyone a long look, but to my enormous surprise, Thomas is the one she points out.
