Page 115 of Collision
“The party at Carol’s.”
I am paralyzed. I am overcome with panic. The idea of him seeing me in a bathing suit makes me incredibly nervous and I don’t understand why, since he has already seen me naked twice, and in my underwear just now.
“W-will you be there too?” I ask, embarrassed.
“I wasn’t planning on it. But then someone told me you’d be going, so I thought…why not?” He gives me a big, challenging grin.
I approach him suspiciously. “Who told you that?”
Thomas clicks his tongue on his palate. “I’m not gonna name names.” He winks at me andboopsmy nose. “Don’t be nervous. We’ll have lots of fun.” He grins derisively and leaves.
I stand there, heart racing, wondering why the hell I ever agreed to go to that party in the first place.
Twenty-Eight
Between classes and coffee breaks with Alex and Tiffany, Wednesday passes quickly. After lunch, Thomas kidnaps me again and takes me to the tree house, taking advantage of the unusually nice weather. We spent two hours there in comfortable silence, him sketching out a design for a future tattoo and me reading. Periodically, I get lost watching his hand move confidently over the blank sheet of paper, his gaze focused and intense.
I’ve thought a lot about what Thomas said yesterday. Even though he wouldn’t tell me about the problem that is plaguing him, he did admit that he needed me. He admitted that he wants me in his life because I make him feel better. Hearing him say that made my heart beat wildly. But he is so mercurial that I can never tell if he really means what he says or if he just gets carried away by the moment. I would not be at all surprised if, by the end of the evening, he’s shouting in my face about how pathetic I am to have taken him at his word. Not that I want to reopen the topic and ruin the unusual serenity of the moment.
At the end of my shift, Tiffany picks me up from the Marsy, and we go to my house to get ready. The beaming smile and the duffel bag she brings with her don’t bode well for me.
“Hi, Mrs. White!” she shouts from the entranceway.
“Don’t waste your breath, she’s busy with Victor. For a change,” I tell her as we climb the stairs.
Once in my room, Tiff empties the contents of the duffel bag on my bed: a mountain of skimpy bikinis.
Oh, dear me.
After carefully sorting through everything she brought, Tiff makes me perform a long series of try-ons to choose the most suitable bathing suit. I have never been more embarrassed.
“Um, no. Not this one either. It shows my breasts too much,” I say fifteen minutes later, peering at myself in the mirror. “It barely covers my nipples,” I sputter, ignoring Tiffany’s exasperated face.
“Nessy. That’s the twelfth bikini you’ve rejected. If you keep this up, you’ll be going to this party naked,” she warns.
“Don’t you have anything with more coverage? A one-piece, for example?” I whine in frustration.
“Yes, sure, of course. Wait here, I’ll go ask my grandma if I can borrow one,” she answers sarcastically.
I give her a dirty look. “Don’t be cute. I’m on the edge of a panic attack and you’re not helping me at all! Do you have any idea how many people will be there tonight?”
“And why is that a problem?”
“Oh, come on! Have you seen me? Have you seen these hips? And this ass? Look! Jiggling like a Jell-O mold! You know what? Let’s forget it, I give up. Put it all away, I’m not going.” I throw a bathing suit at her indignantly and sit on the edge of the bed.
“You’re delusional. I don’t understand what you’re worried about. Your ass… Half the university is jealous of it, and the other half would like to tap it.”
“Tiffany!” I blanch, embarrassed.
“Vanessa!” she mimics, laughing at me. “We’re going to this party and you are going to wear a bikini, whether you like it or not. Everyone else will be wearing one. No one is going to pay attention to you.” She’s trying to cheer me up but she can’t, because I know for certain that at least one person there will be paying attention to me: Thomas. He’s going to see me, and then he’ll see all the other girls, and the comparison will be inevitable. Actually, it’s really his fault that I’m so worried about this.
“Come on, come over here. I think this one might do the trick.”
I listen to her and try on a simple black suit. The top is bandeau-style with a ring in the middle that shows my cleavage. There’s the same kind of ring on either side of the bottoms. And yet, out of all the suits I’ve tried, this is the one that covers me the most.
Tiffany grabs me by the shoulders and drags me over to the mirror. “Wipe that frown off your face and look at the girl in front of you. She’s magnificent.” She shakes me gently until a small, forced smile appears on my face.
“I really don’t know what I was thinking when I agreed to go to this,” I mutter.
