Page 82 of Recklessly You
The iciness in his eyes made it clear he didn’t reciprocate my feelings. How could it be? I remember every sunset, the tickles of laughter, and the warmth of his embrace. We had that for five months. Every perfect moment felt like a dream until reality came crashing down. Now all I feel is excruciating pain in my chest, like thorns piercing through my heart. I grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white. I let out a wail. I can’t remember the last time I cried like this.
I’m not sure how I make it home. I have no recollection. Stepping out of my car, I see Mila standing at my apartment door. Running to her like a child running to her mother, I wrap my arms around her and wail in her arms.
“I’m sorry, honey. You’re hurting. He called and asked me to come check on you.”
I choke out sobs, unable to speak. “He-he—”
“Come on, let’s get you inside so you can tell me what happened. I’ll make us some tea. I picked up ice cream. Unless you need a stiff drink. You can have that too.”
I nod. Mila means the world to me. She has my back, just like I’ve always had hers.
“He called you?” I manage to ask in between each sob.
“He did. All he said was you needed me.” She hands me a glass of wine and sits beside me on the sofa.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m a horrible friend. We have been—”
“I’ve known for a while, Sophie. When you mentioned you were seeing someone, and he didn’t want to commit. I knew it was Liam, and of course, your face has always lit up at the mention of him, just like it did the first time you met him.”
I gulp the glass of wine and reach for the bottle, filling it to the rim. I’ve never needed to numb the pain as much as I do now. She’s not wrong. Liam’s presence has always made my heart beat a little faster, from the first day I saw him at the studio. I go over the last five months with Mila, filling her in.
“Just before he ended it with me, he told me about his childhood.”
Mila looks into her hot tea and rubs her pregnant belly. I know Mila can relate—she lost both of her parents. “Dominic told me about it. I can’t imagine; he was so small, the same age as Dante, to have to witness such cruelty, being robbed of his innocence.” Mila frowns.
“I told him I loved him,” I blurt out, and the waterworks come running down at full speed. “He told me I was nothing more than a…a good fuck.”
She frowns, and her green eyes go glossy. “Oh, Sophie. I’ve never seen you like this.”
I’ve never cried for a man, not even when I caught Eric in bed with another woman.
“I thought I loved Eric. Don’t get me wrong, I cared for him and loved him in a different way. I didn’t realize what love really felt like until Liam. I was never in love with Eric.” I grab a tissue to wipe the snot. “Liam made me feel like rubbish, just like Eric. I never thought he would make me feel this way. I thought he was different.”
Mila pouts and scoots closer to me, tears trailing down her cheeks. My emotional and pregnant best friend can’t handle seeing me cry. “Liam is a great man. What he said to you—he’s just trying to push you away. I know, deep down, he feels the same as you, Sophie. He loves you…” She shakes her head. “He just doesn’t know it yet. As they say, sometimes losing someone makes you realize what you lost, and that’s just what Liam needs. But first, he needs to battle those demons anchoring him down.” Mila grabs a tissue and wipes my tears.
She does it so motherly that it makes me smile.
She continues. “Neither you nor anyone else can fight this battle for him. He has to be ready to fight to unleash himself from those weights in order to swim to shore and set himself free. I know what it’s like to drown in a dark abyss. Dante was my light to fight for. And you are his.”
“No, I’m not. He left me even after I said that once he left that parking lot, he lost me. He left me standing there, Mila. He didn’t spare me a glance.” My heart sinks. “I’m not waiting around for him, Mila. He broke me.”
I stare at my best friend. She is so strong. She’s been through hell from her teens up until recently. Now she’s a married woman with a baby on the way. She’s someone I look up to, like a big sister, even though I’m older than her by nine months.
Mila goes to the freezer and pulls out a tub of cookies and cream ice cream, and two spoons. We both dig in. “You’re absolutely right. You shouldn’t wait around. Sophie needs to work on Sophie.”
I raise an eyebrow.
Mila sighs. “No more online dating, trying to find a rebound. I think maybe you need a breather. Men can be too much work. Good lord.” She gives a faint laugh.
Her statement is accurate, and it hits me right in the gut.
“Uh, I’m such a slut.” I burst into tears.
Mila pulls me into a hug. “Oh, God, Sophie, no, you’re not a slut. Eric just made you feel like you were never good enough. He put you down. He made you feel like you couldn’t have done better than him, like you had to find someone to distract you from how he treated you.”
Mila’s right, I need to work on myself. I need to heal my broken heart. But Liam left me shattered into pieces, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever fully recover.
“I think I need to take off for a while—two weeks, maybe a month. I’m not totally sure yet. It’s just that I don’t want to stay here anymore.” Everywhere I turn, there are memories of Liam. He haunts almost every corner of my house. “I’m thinking of going to London since Mom’s going to be there with Alex. Liz is going to have the baby soon. Then maybe I’ll head to Manhattan for a couple of weeks. But only if you’re okay without me.”
