Page 14 of Always You
“So that asshole sucked on your neck, said you’re his, and ran back to her?” Her eyebrows furrow into a deep crease.
I sigh in frustration. “Yup, some fucking night I had.”
I feel a deep rage bubbling up in me knowing he's been alive for the past five years. He disregarded my calls. I was always the romantic and emotional one in our relationship while he was the dominant and showed emotion to those in his inner circle. I’ve read several romance novels with similar plots after so many years, they run into each other and live happily ever after. In my case, this is no fairytale. He came back from the dead and is now engaged.
* * *
As I watch my son Dante gracefully climb the jungle gym while I call my grandmother Nana, I feel a deep longing for her and Uncle Roger. They are the only family I have left. Nana is my father’s mother. She’s always been like a mother to me. She took the role when my mother died in a tragic car accident when I was a year old.
“Hello?” Nana’s sweet voice lilted with happiness.
“Hola, Nana, just calling to see how you’re doing. I miss you.”
“Hola,mija, I miss you too, honey. How’s my little grandson doing?
I miss him like crazy.”
My nana’s family originated from Mexico. My mother’s family was part white and part Hispanic. I know little about her family. She was an only child, and her father and mother separated. She lived with her mother. She died of an illness. That’s as much as I know about her family.
“Getting big; he started pre-k, and he loves it.”
“That’s wonderful. How’s the studio coming along?”
I can hear Nana clinging pots and pans in the background, and a smile plasters on my face. Nana cleans like a mad woman inside and out. She would go as far as mopping the cement outside. The house smelled like Fabuloso cleaner to the point my nose burned.
“Sophie and I have been busy, you know. California is a hot spot for tourists, so there’s always business.” I take a few moments to settle my nerves before informing my grandmother that Dominic has been alive this whole time. I hope she doesn't faint when I tell her the news.
“So, Nana, I have something crazy to tell you; hopefully you’re sitting.” I exhale sharply. “Dominic is alive.”
“Alive? How is this possible, Mila?”
“I saw Dominic twice. First at a coffee shop. I freaked out and ran out. He didn’t see me then. Last night, I caught sight of him with a woman who he’s engaged to.” I let out a shaky breath. Nerves tingle throughout my body with what feels like the weight of an elephant on my chest.
“I’m confused, honey. I just don’t get it. I’m speechless. All this time, why didn’t he call you to at least say something, you know? Did you talk to him?”
It upset Nana when we thought Dominic died. She felt sympathy for me because I lost both my parents and him. Only Nana understood the anguish I was going through when she saw me break down in grief. Year after year, Nana watched me silently as I cried, her weathered hands clasped together in her lap as if to contain some of the pain that engulfed me.
“No, I didn’t. I’m still shaken up by all this. You know what I’ve been through, and it hurts he never called. I have always loved him, not a day has passed I didn’t think about him and for him to let me think he died is low. He glared at me in shock. He had a conflicted look on his face and remained cold, as if I had never mattered to him.”
A brusque hiss escapes her lips through the receiver.
“That’s so strange. What the hell is his problem,pendejo, idiot? Do you plan on talking to him when the time is right and letting him know about Dante?”
Honestly, part of me wants to move on and let Dante think his father is dead. He’s not the same man. But part of me feels monstrous lying to my son.
“Yes, when the time is right, I’ll search for him. I don’t know, Nana… what to think of all this.”
“I’m shocked, honey. You went through so much and all this time he was alive you grieved and cried for this man for five years.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Yeah, I know, Nana, but I’ll let you go, we’ll talk soon.”
My eyes roam to Dante, my sweet boy.
* * *
Weeks have gone by. My headspace is overflowing with so much shit that’s been going on. As I prep the studio for our next client, memories from Arizona five years ago invade my mind. I was so broken because I lost so much. I festered in a dark place, pain eating up my insides. I had already lost so much—my father, then Dominic. A storm was brewing in me, sinking me further and further into the darkness. I struggled to contain the demons inside me, having lost the will to battle them any longer. The idea of living without him was too much to bear, and it sapped away any will to live I had left. After finding out I was pregnant, my baby growing inside of me gave me the purpose to live.
I unpacked a box of recently delivered photos. We’ve been tremendously busy. European Magazineasked us to do their photo shoots. I’m pretty sure Uncle Roger had a part in this. He’s worked with many magazine companies. We spent half of the day photographing hot European men in swimsuits. Yup, my insides melted like a popsicle. Glancing at the photos of the hot models we took, my insides melt all over again.
